Autistic Functioning Level & Dating Success

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Oh ok that makes sense. What would the confirmation bias be?

I don’t base my romantic decisions, or my assessment of potential success, on these social science studies.

If I’m not successful, I seek ways to increase my chances for success.

People who rely on these studies tend to remain in self-imposed quagmires.

If you expect males to have more trouble finding partners, you may primarily focus on the “evidence” which supports this conclusion and ignore that which doesn’t.

That’s not to say that there may not be more evidence for the reasons I’ve already stated but confirmation bias may lead one to believe that things are even more uneven than they seem to be.

It could also contribute to one adopting a skewed, especially oversimplified, reason for the evidence.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 30 Jun 2022, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LOL

That makes sense. I was just going by that more guys seem to talk about how they have trouble dating online compared to women, but maybe not as many women talk about their troubles or it could be something else?

Men who struggle are more likely to accept the struggles of other men as entirely valid while being more prone to view women's struggles as less valid (often because their familiarity with how many guys struggle makes it hard to not believe the problem is related to rejecting those men, causing them to put the blame back on the women who struggle both for their own struggles but also for why the men who struggle are struggling).

I don't believe it's guaranteed that straight males will see the problem only through the lens of other males, or other straight males but it does appear common.

Much of the problem appears to be that some portion of males struggle to not view some people merely as a means to an end in solving other (more relatable) people's problems, instead of acknowledging those people are also dealing with the same problem.

That said, some of it is also likely people who have become desperate and willing to accept unsuitable partners lashing out because other people haven't reached that point or have learned from previous experiences of being at that point.

Might women receive a different response when they talk about their troubles, and might those differences contribute to fewer women being as open about discussing these sorts of struggles (or at least being more selective about where these complaints are expressed)?

Also, fewer women are diagnosed with autism than men, so it’s not going to be 50/50 if everything else were equal.

(That’s not to say that fewer women necessarily have autism. They are just less likely to get diagnosed and complain on these forums.)

These points make sense. Good points.

Go go the 40% of autistic men are virgins and 32% have never had a girlfriend thread. Across all questions, men are much more likely to be single, to be a virgin, to be kissless, and to be unsatisfied with their dating lives compared to women.

So yes, I would say that generally speaking, finding romantic partners is easier for women than it is for men.


Do women have their unique problems with dating? Yeah sure, but generally speaking, finding someone to date/f**k is not one of them.

Not everyone sees dating and f*cking as the same thing...sure may be easy for an autistic woman to get led on with sex with guys not actually interested in them...that is not the same thing as dating sucess. Getting used for sex doesn't really feel like an accomplishment especially if you were too naive to know that is what was going on till later. just saying getting laid is not always 'sucess'...

More like finding someone willing to f*ck you as an autistic female might not be super difficult maybe, depending on the autistic woman. But finding someone willing to be in a relationship with you may be much more difficult. But idk I would think some guys may experience this if they feel used by a woman for sex. But idk it is not great to realize a guy just saw you as someeone easy to have sex with but never would have taken on a date to a public place in a million years.

Just “f*****g” is eminently unsatisfactory to me.

I still think that women, on average, have it easier finding a romantic partner than guys do as well.

Actually, it really depends on an individuals age and attractiveness level. If you're a young woman (under 35) that's at least a 7? 100% you have it easier compared to guys of the same age. A young woman that's decently cute could break up with her boyfriend and be dating someone new within a year if she wanted to, and she could go on Tinder and easily get 1000+ matches in a short period of time. You don't even have to be a model to receive these kind of numbers if you're a young woman either. Now that's privilege.



BUT if you're an unattractive woman that's disabled, then I could see how finding a boyfriend might be difficult. If you're older, 100 pounds overweight, live off of SSI, etc... then yeah finding a boyfriend would probably be hard.

I once knew this 30 year old autistic woman in my class. She was quite overweight, didn't work and had no interest in doing so, and lived off of SSI. I don't think she wanted to date but even if she did, I could definitely see finding a boyfriend being difficult for her. Unless she was willing to date a similarly ugly/overweight disabled guy who was also into video games.

As long as you don't talk about this stuff with any of your dates.....

Honestly, it doesn't even matter what I say, i'm still going to get rejected.

Pretty much every single date I ever went on (at least with women in my own country) it resulted in rejection or the "let's just be friends" talk. I'm a surprisingly nice and pleasant guy that's easy to talk to, but it doesn't matter, I still get rejected. I remember asking out 3 girls in 2019, and all three said no. This doesn't even include all the women I pursued who didn't want anything to do with me.

And the reason I get rejected is because I am 5 ft 2, autistic, and not the most facially attractive guy. Even my last date I went on, a girl that by her own account is very easy and sexually promiscuous, rejected me because she was not attracted to me (yes she told me). She wanted a tall, strong looking, "manly man" that wanted to dominate her and I guess I didn't fit the bill. I have a feeling that women (at least where I live) are into tall or at least average height guys who are preferably white.

Women are just as shallow as men are. When you grow up awkward and ugly, you learn that pretty quick. Unfortunately, my height which is something 100% out of my control, prevents me from ever being conventionally attractive, along with the bone structure of my face, and no amount of working out is ever going to turn me into a conventionally handsome guy.


Which is why I turned to looking for asian/hispanic women since they tend to be shorter and smaller so in theory, are less likely to reject me for being too short.