Crushing on someone hard when you have ASD

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PamplemousseJus
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27 Apr 2022, 5:53 am

OMG I am crushing really hard on a guy (he’s also on the spectrum). I haven’t felt this way about someone for years and it’s just so emotionally overwhelming. Do you guys also have this experience? I can’t focus at all and have lots of work on my plate right now I’m a stressed out mess. This. Is. Torture. Being happily single without having a crush is soo much better. I feel like an idiot.

I am terrible at reading other people’s emotions so there’s a huge risk that it’s one sided. This having no idea if I’m completely mis-reading our interactions for him just being a nice guy who’s not at all interested in me … and end up broken-hearted (again) is terrifying!! ! (I hardly know anything about him other than professional stuff and his neurodiversity, it’s entirely possible that he even not interested in women at all!)

Unfortunately there’s also nothing I can do about it for at least a month since he’s my professor (I’m a grad student, no age gap - and I checked there’s no rules issue with dating him once the semester is over)… but I’m planning to ask him for a coffee once the course is done and graded (since even if my feelings are reciprocated asking a former student out would probably be unprofessional/risky for him).

The fact that he’s brilliant and autistic is extremely attractive! I think the challenges /struggles of the NT world can make some autistic people so compassionate and kind. Combined with his Autistic openness/ honesty /genuineness/vulnerability … big time swoon!! !

Meanwhile can’t stop thinking about him. Can I please have my sanity back!?!



Last edited by PamplemousseJus on 27 Apr 2022, 7:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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27 Apr 2022, 6:09 am

Yeah….I’ve crushed hard, too.

Are you going for your MA? Or MS?

I hope he says yes it you ask him for coffee.



MaxE
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27 Apr 2022, 6:19 am

How would you know he's on the spectrum?


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kraftiekortie
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27 Apr 2022, 7:41 am

My advice, really, is not to "put all your eggs in one basket."

I used to "crush on" teachers all the time. I don't believe I've ever had a crush on a professor, though----though I have had crushes on judges in the court system where I work. Some of them are really cute, sexy, and smart!



Joe90
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27 Apr 2022, 9:03 am

I once had an obsessive crush on a man who was a bus-driver. I don't actually have trouble understanding body language, it's the uncontrollable impulsiveness on my part that's the problem. He was a married man as well, and although he did feel flattered by my attention I was giving him and we even became good friends, he still made it obvious that we were never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but I still couldn't back off when it came to flirting. I'd hang around him all the time even though I knew it was wrong. I just loved chatting to him and I cherished those few minutes a day I got with him when on his break. I suppose it just brought happiness to my life. I seemed to rely on obsessions to make me happy, focusing my whole mind on them and feeling ecstatic when they spoke to me.


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27 Apr 2022, 11:01 am

Every proper crush I get ends in me having suicidal ideation. I hate it. So yes, very very intense and torturous. Fun for the first 5 seconds though. I'm glad to be on the aromantic and asexual spectrum so it doesn't happen too often.



that1weirdgrrrl
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27 Apr 2022, 6:43 pm

Yup, I think this part of the obsessive ASD mindset. I try to rein it in until I can find out if it's reciprocal, though. Because the one sided thing sucks :lol:


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kraftiekortie
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27 Apr 2022, 6:52 pm

Yep.....the "one-sided" thing certainly sucks!

This happened to me all the time when I was in high school and in my early post-high school existence.



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29 Apr 2022, 5:19 pm

I've only had one crush & she's a celebrity who probably has no clue I even exist. I may be a little delusional but I've always had enough sanity not to try anything crazy. The crush has probably been going on for at least 12 years now. I was very obsessed with her when I was single & I still kinda am even thou I've been in my current relationship for at least 10 years now. I'm obsessed with my current girlfriend & I was obsessed with both my exes when we were together & after we broke up till I got in another relationship. Talking about it goes round in circles, OCD medication helps my OCD in general but no effect on my crushing, & antipsychotics help me be less irritable, have less meltdowns, & be more stable in general but no effect on my crushing either. I kinda accepted that this would be going on for the rest of my life.


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29 Apr 2022, 5:38 pm

My daughter had/has a crush on an NT teen in her class. He is athletic type with spiky hair and a fringe that kind of falls over his face like a anime character.

It got worse when her teen chat facilitator told her to tell him how she felt. It took her one whole year and the teacher's intervention to get over him because she was made to feel it was normal to tell a boy you have a crush on him.

For a while the boy wouldn't talk to her and she was throwing tantrums at home, A year on and she's mature about her experience but blames the teen chat for her faux pas with the boy. Now they both do team sport together and are kind of ok now (I hope).

Ironically her two best friends are boys who have crushes on girls in her class. She talks to them on the phone about what her classmates are doing which is creepy but she likes helping.

This whole teenage crush thing drives me nuts.



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30 Apr 2022, 4:58 am

Thats what celebrities are for. :lol:

When you crush on someone in your real life that youre not in position to go out with - you can crush on a celeb (maybe someone who could "play that person in a movie") as "methadone treatment". Methadone is a drug that they used to use to give heroin addicts to wean them off of heroin (dont know if they still do that nowadays). You cant go out with the celeb either, but you can at least look at film clips of them Utube any time you want (which you cant do with regular folks).



kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2022, 6:47 am

So your daughter is the athletic type, Cyber? Way cool! 8)



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30 Apr 2022, 8:59 am

MaxE wrote:
How would you know he's on the spectrum?


I had a university instructor tell me that he was on the spectrum. We were chatting after class about autism and he mentioned it.



nick007
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30 Apr 2022, 6:06 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Thats what celebrities are for. :lol:

When you crush on someone in your real life that youre not in position to go out with - you can crush on a celeb (maybe someone who could "play that person in a movie") as "methadone treatment". Methadone is a drug that they used to use to give heroin addicts to wean them off of heroin (dont know if they still do that nowadays). You cant go out with the celeb either, but you can at least look at film clips of them Utube any time you want (which you cant do with regular folks).
Crushing definitely feels like a drug addiction to me. I have no experience with illegal drugs or abusing non-prescription drugs but based on what I've heard about drug addiction, I def feel a high that makes it hard to focus.







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cyberdad
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30 Apr 2022, 9:54 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
So your daughter is the athletic type, Cyber? Way cool! 8)


Yeah, she prefers sport and music to academics. Believe it or not I'm relieved the boys she's friends with have crushes on other girls (and not her) :lol: It mght be because she looks "Ethnic"

But I am not blind, I drop her about 1km from school in the mornings as she likes to walk in the sunshine. When she's wearing the current summer uniform I do notice boys from other schools staring at her.



IsabellaLinton
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30 Apr 2022, 10:15 pm

OP:

You admitted you don't know his orientation.
Do you know whether or not he's single?