All in favor of a WP dating subforum / site?

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Do you think WP should set up its own ASD-friendly dating site? Would you use it?
Yes 47%  47%  [ 9 ]
No 53%  53%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 19

Pepe
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02 May 2022, 9:06 pm

cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I don't think there's enough active users on this site for a dating section to have the potential to be anything other than another fruitless endeavour for the lonely among us to add to our failure resumès.


^^ I think there'd be like 5000 males and zero females signing up.


The usual.
But, nothing ventured, nothing gained.


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Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
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And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
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02 May 2022, 9:09 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
Anomaly_76 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
L&D has had some bad gender wars in the past & we're not allowed to have a Men's section because of those wars. It was before my time but some aHole guys abused the Men's section by b!tching about women a lot & those d!ckheads ruined it for the rest of us guys :x Our site creator Alex has been very reluctant to add new sections & Alex has been EXTREMELY UNINVOLVED here for a LONG time now & it's contributing to the site's slowness. Plus we have the Getting To Know Each Other section as well as the Social Skills & Making Friends section on top of the L&D so having another section here for members to try & connect with each other seems unnecessary & perhaps confusing to figure out what section to post different things in.

I feel very bad for the lonely members who are desperate for a romantic relationship because I've been there. Being single can majorly s#ck sometimes. I know I was EXTREMELY LUCKY to get a loving partner because of my various issues but I'm not sure how to help other members in similar situations :(


I wasn't going to mention this, but what the hell, it's certainly relevant. Truthfully, I asked this question in light of a response I received in trying to mingle on another site supposedly specifically for autistic dating (which appears to have loaded up with folks that may or may not be ASD as well -- no indication to their status) that I found to be quite rude.

I simply messaged someone who seemed interesting and said hi, asking what their story was. Only to be cut off at the knees with "Not interested in what you have to say". That sort of response comes off as F-O, quite frankly. Okay, so, why, exactly, are you on a dating site?

While I get that it's inherent to our condition that many of us are not well-versed in etiquette, I think that some are far too picky. We're already at something of a disadvantage in finding someone compatible, we certainly don't need to set ourselves up to fail as well -- after all, our options are rather limited in comparison to NTs. And while I get that some women get tired of typical cheesy pickup lines or inappropriate comments, I think those of us with ASD need to remember and appreciate two very important things.

One, such faux pas are known to be inherent to our condition, and two, while I know that those of us with ASD are typically more sensitive and intense, just because twenty-eight guys have sent you a pic of their junk asking what you're doing Saturday night, doesn't mean you have to respond to one particular guy like it's the twenty-eighth time HE'S done that.

As for the guys complaining about women, again, a double standard, because it's not like women don't complain about men... Equality doesn't mean special treatment. "Rules for thee, but not for me"? I get the whole "gender war" thing, though I think what should bear consideration, isn't only who starts such things, but who keeps them going. Not everything demands a reaction.

This thread has more or less made two things clear to me... One, the biggest problems with this are not what I thought they were -- rather, they are that it appears some / many of us with ASD can't even stand each other, and perhaps inherent to the condition, accounting for typical abuse by those who don't understand it, we feel we don't deserve it. Folks, it would appear as though we're intolerant of those with the same condition we have! Seriously?

The other thing is that there seems to be a "Don't do it because it won't be perfect" mentality among a few of the posts here. Nothing's perfect, nothing ever is. But there are entirely too many people in the world who would rather keep others from something just because it wouldn't suit them. Whatever happened to simply not using something if it doesn't work for you? Is it any wonder that mention has been made of the site founder being uninterested in maintaining such things? When you have someone complaining about this and that no matter what, I think I'd be hesitant too.


I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.


As I said, I have never done it, but to each their own.
If someone is going to do it, ask if it is ok with the person you are sending to first, I guess. :scratch:

I am pretty broad-minded, btw. It is only nudity/anatomy in my book. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


Anomaly_76
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02 May 2022, 10:12 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.

And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.

What I don't agree with is when the one person approaching with reasonable intentions that DIDN'T do that, gets the same treatment as the one (or twenty-eight, as it may be) that DID.

I do find it interesting that some say I seem toxic and angry, yet, in spite of:

Maternal abuse (didn't know what to do with me and it was not a good time or place to be even "a little" autistic)

Being falsely accused (by a gal who was drunk and coming on to me, that I was simply trying to see safely home, as I was a taxi driver at the time)...

Being accused of stalking by someone who drew me a map to show me where they lived (99% sure this was a setup from coworkers who didn't like me, just to get me fired)...

Being shot down by most, cheated on by some, and given up by the one I probably should have been with...

In spite of all THAT... I still on RARE occasion will approach someone that I can reasonably assume is available and might be interested.

And more often than not, it's the ladies you see cutting people off at the knees that simply want to get to know them, based on what others have done. Why is that? Which begs the question, who really is toxic?


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I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


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03 May 2022, 12:40 am

Anomaly_76 wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.

And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.


Some people simply have a different mindset.
Some people live in a different social environment.
Some consider risqué lifestyles a turn on.
It takes all kinds. Meh. :wink:

This website isn't a website of "Swingers", that is for sure. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


nick007
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03 May 2022, 1:03 am

Anomaly_76 wrote:
I do find it interesting that some say I seem toxic and angry, yet, in spite of:

Maternal abuse (didn't know what to do with me and it was not a good time or place to be even "a little" autistic)

Being falsely accused (by a gal who was drunk and coming on to me, that I was simply trying to see safely home, as I was a taxi driver at the time)...

Being accused of stalking by someone who drew me a map to show me where they lived (99% sure this was a setup from coworkers who didn't like me, just to get me fired)...

Being shot down by most, cheated on by some, and given up by the one I probably should have been with...

In spite of all THAT... I still on RARE occasion will approach someone that I can reasonably assume is available and might be interested.

And more often than not, it's the ladies you see cutting people off at the knees that simply want to get to know them, based on what others have done. Why is that? Which begs the question, who really is toxic?
Sounds like they might be projecting. They judge others for having negative qualities they don't like about themselves.

When I was single & lonely, I've made some frustrated posts on different forums including this one & some people put words in my mouth so to speak & accused me of being a misogynist. The term Incel was not really used at the time. I'm really a male feminist. I strongly support women's rights & equality. I tend to have a low opinion of people in general but I tend to have a lower opinion of guys in general. A large majority of world leaders have been been guys, a large majority of people who join the military to kill others who never did anything personally to them have been guys, & a majority of people who bullied me in school have been guys. I'm much more misanthropic than a misogynist. Ironically the people who tended to accuse me of being a misogynist were guys. I think they were trying to show off & impress the women by bulling me. That said, I really like individuals who think for themselves instead of trying to conform to a clique whcih is a major reason I hang out on WP. Aspies tend to think for themselves more.


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03 May 2022, 7:31 am

I don't think we need a section for this purpose. A sticky thread would be good enough.

There's a thread Eligible Odd-Bods! - The Premier Aspergian Singles List that used to be a sticky but isn't anymore. Maybe it should be stickied again?

(I already have a boyfriend so don't need it myself.)


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03 May 2022, 7:47 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
There's a thread Eligible Odd-Bods! - The Premier Aspergian Singles List that used to be a sticky but isn't anymore. Maybe it should be stickied again?
Done!

(note that Aspie Affection, mentioned in the opening post, appears to have died)


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Where_am_I
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03 May 2022, 10:15 pm

Anomaly_76 wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.

And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.

What I don't agree with is when the one person approaching with reasonable intentions that DIDN'T do that, gets the same treatment as the one (or twenty-eight, as it may be) that DID.

Yes, I don't agree with that either. It's uncalled for and I'd feel I've had a lucky escape from this person.

I do find it interesting that some say I seem toxic and angry, yet, in spite of:

Maternal abuse (didn't know what to do with me and it was not a good time or place to be even "a little" autistic)

Being falsely accused (by a gal who was drunk and coming on to me, that I was simply trying to see safely home, as I was a taxi driver at the time)...

Being accused of stalking by someone who drew me a map to show me where they lived (99% sure this was a setup from coworkers who didn't like me, just to get me fired)...

Being shot down by most, cheated on by some, and given up by the one I probably should have been with...

In spite of all THAT... I still on RARE occasion will approach someone that I can reasonably assume is available and might be interested.

And more often than not, it's the ladies you see cutting people off at the knees that simply want to get to know them, based on what others have done. Why is that? Which begs the question, who really is toxic?


I'm sorry you've had all these horrible experiences. Being accused falsely can have a really serious impact on a man's life.



Anomaly_76
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03 May 2022, 10:36 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.

Anomaly_76 wrote:
And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.

What I don't agree with is when the one person approaching with reasonable intentions that DIDN'T do that, gets the same treatment as the one (or twenty-eight, as it may be) that DID.


Where_am_I wrote:
Yes, I don't agree with that either. It's uncalled for and I'd feel I've had a lucky escape from this person.

Anomaly_76 wrote:
I do find it interesting that some say I seem toxic and angry, yet, in spite of:

Maternal abuse (didn't know what to do with me and it was not a good time or place to be even "a little" autistic)

Being falsely accused (by a gal who was drunk and coming on to me, that I was simply trying to see safely home, as I was a taxi driver at the time)...

Being accused of stalking by someone who drew me a map to show me where they lived (99% sure this was a setup from coworkers who didn't like me, just to get me fired)...

Being shot down by most, cheated on by some, and given up by the one I probably should have been with...

In spite of all THAT... I still on RARE occasion will approach someone that I can reasonably assume is available and might be interested.

And more often than not, it's the ladies you see cutting people off at the knees that simply want to get to know them, based on what others have done. Why is that? Which begs the question, who really is toxic?

Where_am_I wrote:
I'm sorry you've had all these horrible experiences. Being accused falsely can have a really serious impact on a man's life.

I appreciate the kinds words and acknowledgement. Not once, but twice, technically, mind you, and regularly called a creep by those I haven't even looked sideways at. I doubt I'll ever make the first move in showing such interest again. I've related where I was set up to try to get me fired in reply to another member's thread. I think it's food for thought, to show just how ridiculous some people can be... Particularly when NTs take a vindictive nature towards NDs.


_________________
.
I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before. Which begs the question....
Since ASD means various parts of the brain stop developing at various ages...
Just how the hell am I supposed to know WHICH age to act, anyway? :lol:


Last edited by Anomaly_76 on 04 May 2022, 1:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Pepe
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04 May 2022, 1:10 am

Anomaly_76 wrote:
Not once, but twice, technically, and regularly called a creep by those I haven't even looked sideways at. I doubt I'll ever make the first move in showing such interest again. I've related where I was set up to try to get me fired in reply to another member's thread. I think it's food for thought, to show just how ridiculous some people can be... Particularly when NTs take a vindictive nature towards NDs.


viewtopic.php?f=8&p=8654536#p8653006
8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


Where_am_I
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04 May 2022, 2:30 pm

Anomaly_76 wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
I don't care if it's number one or twenty eight. Sending pictures of their junk calls for a strong reaction because it's perverted.

Anomaly_76 wrote:
And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.

What I don't agree with is when the one person approaching with reasonable intentions that DIDN'T do that, gets the same treatment as the one (or twenty-eight, as it may be) that DID.


Where_am_I wrote:
Yes, I don't agree with that either. It's uncalled for and I'd feel I've had a lucky escape from this person.

Anomaly_76 wrote:
I do find it interesting that some say I seem toxic and angry, yet, in spite of:

Maternal abuse (didn't know what to do with me and it was not a good time or place to be even "a little" autistic)

Being falsely accused (by a gal who was drunk and coming on to me, that I was simply trying to see safely home, as I was a taxi driver at the time)...

Being accused of stalking by someone who drew me a map to show me where they lived (99% sure this was a setup from coworkers who didn't like me, just to get me fired)...

Being shot down by most, cheated on by some, and given up by the one I probably should have been with...

In spite of all THAT... I still on RARE occasion will approach someone that I can reasonably assume is available and might be interested.

And more often than not, it's the ladies you see cutting people off at the knees that simply want to get to know them, based on what others have done. Why is that? Which begs the question, who really is toxic?

Where_am_I wrote:
I'm sorry you've had all these horrible experiences. Being accused falsely can have a really serious impact on a man's life.

I appreciate the kinds words and acknowledgement. Not once, but twice, technically, mind you, and regularly called a creep by those I haven't even looked sideways at. I doubt I'll ever make the first move in showing such interest again. I've related where I was set up to try to get me fired in reply to another member's thread. I think it's food for thought, to show just how ridiculous some people can be... Particularly when NTs take a vindictive nature towards NDs.


Wow, that is twisted. I too would have recording equipment in my car if that happened to me.



biostructure
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09 May 2022, 12:35 am

Anomaly_76 wrote:
This thread has more or less made two things clear to me... One, the biggest problems with this are not what I thought they were -- rather, they are that it appears some / many of us with ASD can't even stand each other, and perhaps inherent to the condition, accounting for typical abuse by those who don't understand it, we feel we don't deserve it. Folks, it would appear as though we're intolerant of those with the same condition we have! Seriously?


I think this is a real issue--it's not that we don't understand other people who have the same condition as us, but we can be incompatible since we tend to play the same role. This gets a bit off topic--maybe if it's better we can move it to another thread but I think this is something that really needs to be said. It doesn't only apply to dating contexts, either.

One of the things that comes into play is the control issues that a lot of us have. We have difficulty if we cannot control the world around us, and that includes the people in it--yet at the same time we aren't flexible enough to accommodate to what someone else needs from us. Closely related to that is the need to be "right" and to explain things to other people. Many of us have been through many situations where we felt (whether correctly or not) that we knew better than the average person how to do something, and have had "establishment" people (teachers, doctors, work bosses, etc.) not accept and/or be critical of these ideas. So as a result we are most secure around people whose tendency is to give us the benefit of the doubt, particularly in regard to our unconventional ideas, even when other people haven't. The thing is that if we meet someone else like ourselves, it's likely that the first response will be to question us because that person has also learned the need to question everything.

A few years ago I was briefly dating a woman on the spectrum who I met in an IRL aspie group. These issues were very big in our brief relationship (and continued to be as long as we were interacting closely, even as friends). I felt the need to try and respond to issues in her life by trying to fix them for her given what I know, yet my suggestions to her always felt like they were ignored. Even when she took my advice, she didn't acknowledge that she had taken it, or thank me for the suggestion. It was especially irritating when there were areas that I almost certainly do know better than she does (because I have studied them extensively in school and otherwise--whereas she has a "typical layperson" level of knowledge). She would not look up to me for guidance in those areas, which I really would have needed her to do in order to feel fully appreciated. It was made worse by me having some major issues in life that make me feel lost and lacking in control--that increases my need to guide someone else in areas I DO feel I have mastery of--but even without that I think it would be touchy to be in a relationship with someone like her.

A similar issue concerns executive functioning and dealing with the real world--as I tend to live "up in the clouds", I usually feel most cared for around people who can are grounded more within the real world so I don't have to worry about that as much. Though this is likely to be more true as I progress in life and have more responsibilities, as of now I'd actually like someone who also lives in her own head.

It's possible some quite different aspies could make a good "team", for instance a more rebellious aspie could be a good match for an especially conformist and people-pleasing one, where the rebel helps the people pleaser develop more of his/her individuality, and the less rebellious one helps the rebel pick his/her battles and fit in when it suits everyone better. But it seems such matches are hard to find because there often are similar underlying deficiencies, just different responses to them--and so frustration with incompatible coping styles seems more likely than actual compensation.

I'm open to dating other aspies but I don't put all my eggs in that basket--and wouldn't even if I knew hundreds of single women on the spectrum. Possibly people with different types of neurodivergence (not both ASD) would be more likely to complement.



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09 May 2022, 4:58 pm

Anomaly_76 wrote:
And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.

What I don't agree with is when the one person approaching with reasonable intentions that DIDN'T do that, gets the same treatment as the one (or twenty-eight, as it may be) that DID.
I really love how guys like them ruin women for guys like us :roll:


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