All in favor of a WP dating subforum / site?

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The usual.
But, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

As I said, I have never done it, but to each their own.
If someone is going to do it, ask if it is ok with the person you are sending to first, I guess.

I am pretty broad-minded, btw. It is only nudity/anatomy in my book.

And I agree. Quite frankly, I've never gotten the whole "woo her with a pic of your junk" thing.

What I don't agree with is when the one person approaching with reasonable intentions that DIDN'T do that, gets the same treatment as the one (or twenty-eight, as it may be) that DID.

I do find it interesting that some say I seem toxic and angry, yet, in spite of:

Maternal abuse (didn't know what to do with me and it was not a good time or place to be even "a little" autistic)

Being falsely accused (by a gal who was drunk and coming on to me, that I was simply trying to see safely home, as I was a taxi driver at the time)...

Being accused of stalking by someone who drew me a map to show me where they lived (99% sure this was a setup from coworkers who didn't like me, just to get me fired)...

Being shot down by most, cheated on by some, and given up by the one I probably should have been with...

In spite of all THAT... I still on RARE occasion will approach someone that I can reasonably assume is available and might be interested.

And more often than not, it's the ladies you see cutting people off at the knees that simply want to get to know them, based on what others have done. Why is that? Which begs the question, who really is toxic?

Some people simply have a different mindset.
Some people live in a different social environment.
Some consider risqué lifestyles a turn on.
It takes all kinds. Meh.

This website isn't a website of "Swingers", that is for sure.

Sounds like they might be projecting. They judge others for having negative qualities they don't like about themselves.

When I was single & lonely, I've made some frustrated posts on different forums including this one & some people put words in my mouth so to speak & accused me of being a misogynist. The term Incel was not really used at the time. I'm really a male feminist. I strongly support women's rights & equality. I tend to have a low opinion of people in general but I tend to have a lower opinion of guys in general. A large majority of world leaders have been been guys, a large majority of people who join the military to kill others who never did anything personally to them have been guys, & a majority of people who bullied me in school have been guys. I'm much more misanthropic than a misogynist. Ironically the people who tended to accuse me of being a misogynist were guys. I think they were trying to show off & impress the women by bulling me. That said, I really like individuals who think for themselves instead of trying to conform to a clique whcih is a major reason I hang out on WP. Aspies tend to think for themselves more.

I don't think we need a section for this purpose. A sticky thread would be good enough.

There's a thread Eligible Odd-Bods! - The Premier Aspergian Singles List that used to be a sticky but isn't anymore. Maybe it should be stickied again?

(I already have a boyfriend so don't need it myself.)

Done!

(note that Aspie Affection, mentioned in the opening post, appears to have died)

I'm sorry you've had all these horrible experiences. Being accused falsely can have a really serious impact on a man's life.

I appreciate the kinds words and acknowledgement. Not once, but twice, technically, mind you, and regularly called a creep by those I haven't even looked sideways at. I doubt I'll ever make the first move in showing such interest again. I've related where I was set up to try to get me fired in reply to another member's thread. I think it's food for thought, to show just how ridiculous some people can be... Particularly when NTs take a vindictive nature towards NDs.

Last edited by Anomaly_76 on 04 May 2022, 1:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Wow, that is twisted. I too would have recording equipment in my car if that happened to me.

I think this is a real issue--it's not that we don't understand other people who have the same condition as us, but we can be incompatible since we tend to play the same role. This gets a bit off topic--maybe if it's better we can move it to another thread but I think this is something that really needs to be said. It doesn't only apply to dating contexts, either.

One of the things that comes into play is the control issues that a lot of us have. We have difficulty if we cannot control the world around us, and that includes the people in it--yet at the same time we aren't flexible enough to accommodate to what someone else needs from us. Closely related to that is the need to be "right" and to explain things to other people. Many of us have been through many situations where we felt (whether correctly or not) that we knew better than the average person how to do something, and have had "establishment" people (teachers, doctors, work bosses, etc.) not accept and/or be critical of these ideas. So as a result we are most secure around people whose tendency is to give us the benefit of the doubt, particularly in regard to our unconventional ideas, even when other people haven't. The thing is that if we meet someone else like ourselves, it's likely that the first response will be to question us because that person has also learned the need to question everything.

A few years ago I was briefly dating a woman on the spectrum who I met in an IRL aspie group. These issues were very big in our brief relationship (and continued to be as long as we were interacting closely, even as friends). I felt the need to try and respond to issues in her life by trying to fix them for her given what I know, yet my suggestions to her always felt like they were ignored. Even when she took my advice, she didn't acknowledge that she had taken it, or thank me for the suggestion. It was especially irritating when there were areas that I almost certainly do know better than she does (because I have studied them extensively in school and otherwise--whereas she has a "typical layperson" level of knowledge). She would not look up to me for guidance in those areas, which I really would have needed her to do in order to feel fully appreciated. It was made worse by me having some major issues in life that make me feel lost and lacking in control--that increases my need to guide someone else in areas I DO feel I have mastery of--but even without that I think it would be touchy to be in a relationship with someone like her.

A similar issue concerns executive functioning and dealing with the real world--as I tend to live "up in the clouds", I usually feel most cared for around people who can are grounded more within the real world so I don't have to worry about that as much. Though this is likely to be more true as I progress in life and have more responsibilities, as of now I'd actually like someone who also lives in her own head.

It's possible some quite different aspies could make a good "team", for instance a more rebellious aspie could be a good match for an especially conformist and people-pleasing one, where the rebel helps the people pleaser develop more of his/her individuality, and the less rebellious one helps the rebel pick his/her battles and fit in when it suits everyone better. But it seems such matches are hard to find because there often are similar underlying deficiencies, just different responses to them--and so frustration with incompatible coping styles seems more likely than actual compensation.

I'm open to dating other aspies but I don't put all my eggs in that basket--and wouldn't even if I knew hundreds of single women on the spectrum. Possibly people with different types of neurodivergence (not both ASD) would be more likely to complement.

I really love how guys like them ruin women for guys like us