Chinese Political Satire Translations

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When I was a kid, I would sometimes see Jugoslavia replacing Yugoslavia in the nation's spelling.

It ceased to be a nation around the time of the dissolution of the USSR. It dissolved into several countries.

Its literal meaning in the original language is: Southern - Slavic - land

Yes, I'm dissatisfied with this national dream and I'd like my money back.

Propaganda for country's youth in the world's largest and second largest economy:

Shocked! One of our colleagues is an orangutan, who was captured by Beijing zoo today.

One of our colleagues is an orangutan. Today, he was captured by the Beijing Zoo. Everyone was shocked! After working together for more than half a year, no one found him to be an orangutan! We didn't know until the old lady downstairs called the zoo to report it.

The downstairs of the office building rented by the unit is green space, and there are many old ladies. As we all know, old ladies in Beijing have a strong sense of responsibility, high vigilance, love life and are good at observing life, so it is reasonable to report this time, because it is reported by old ladies. If it is reported by other people, it may be suspected that someone is playing a trick on us or that competitors are correcting us However, the report made by the old lady downstairs is persuasive to a certain extent, because the old lady usually does not report easily, but once she makes a move, it is almost certain. Maybe this colleague really has problems.

A car came to the zoo with two people. They came to have a look and said, "it's an orangutan. That's right." Then they were ready to take it. At this time, a young zoo man may feel that it is not good to directly capture him in this way, so he said to everyone: "the thing is, your colleague is really an orangutan." Then he went to our colleague, held up his chin with his right hand, and said, "look, your colleague's face is black, there are obvious fat tissue pads on his cheeks, and there are laryngeal bursas. These are very obvious characteristics. We can confirm that your colleague is an orangutan.“

Then he slapped his colleague on the back, and the colleague was shocked, "Ohh!" The zoo man said, "listen, everyone! This call is characteristic, short and loud. It uses cranial resonance. Judging from the call, your colleague is a Sumatran chimpanzee, which is very rare in Asia. It can be said that your company has done a good thing for orangutan research in China! "

The zoo man is still excited, and he goes on and on: "orangutans are primates, mainly distributed in..." at this time, the older zoo man can't bear it, and reminds him: "Xiao Wang, it's almost time. Don't affect other people's work.
The young zoo man stopped and said, "sorry, I talked too much carelessly. I'm a talker, and I'm a little excited to see your orangutans today, because it's not in the wild, but in the human office. As an official employee, I'm very excited, because..."
The old zoo man said,"Xiao Wang!"
The young zoo man said,"sorry, I lost my temper! Let's go now."Then he patted our colleague and said,"let's go."

In this way, there is basically no way.
The colleague is unwilling to leave us. He patted the table several times with shouting "ohh~ohh~". And then he was taken away. Everyone was shocked! We really did not expect that.
This colleague usually doesn't talk much, works seriously, and loves bananas. Nobody expected that he was an orangutan. The human resources department is going to suffer. The headhunter somehow recruited the orangutan as an employee, and the social security has already paid for it. As soon as the orangutan leaves, we have a lot of work to do, and we will lose a lot.

It can be seen how indifferent the relationship between people in contemporary China is. As soon as this happened, the company attached great importance to it. The next day, a general meeting of all employees was held, which was presided over by director Liu of the office.
At the meeting, director Liu said:
"shocked! What a shock!"
"it's amazing that a gorilla, a big company with more than 500 people, even became the backbone of the Department!"
"It's a disgrace to our company!"
Director Liu patted the table with shouting "ohh~".

"Once this happened, we became the laughingstock of the industry. Just spending money to deal with the media network is a lot of money. Who pays for this money?!"
"Do you want to stay here?"
"What do you do in personnel! Can't you guys tell a man from an orangutan? What's the use of staying with you?"
"Just disband now!"
The director was very angry. He patted the table and stood up with shouting "ohh~".
Secretary Wang next to him quickly handed over a banana and said," don't get angry, director. Speak slowly. If you have something to say, you could eat a banana first. "
Director Liu ate a banana, calmed down a little, and said,"minister Zhang, tell me what's going on and how orangutans were recruited into the company? "
Minister Zhang of human resources was rather shy and said with a red face,"it was indeed our dereliction of duty. Nobody thought of it and didn't recognize it. Bob is not talkative and his skin is dark. We all think he is a minority. Nobody thought he was an orangutan!"
He kept scratching the inside of his left hind leg with his right hind leg, which showed him very nervous.

"But who would have thought he was an orangutan!" Minister Zhang suddenly became excited. "How can ordinary orangutans come to our Taiwan enterprises to apply? They must be crazy if they are still so skilled in business! This orangutan also has problems!" Minister Zhang said excitedly and stood up with shouting "ohh~".

"You can't just blame our personnel department. We can't accept it. It's too bullying!" Minister Zhang waved his front hands.
"Take it easy, Lao Zhang. Eat some grass first." Director Liu motioned minister Zhang to calm down and handed him a handful of grass. "Although the matter is serious, it's better to explain it clearly. Everyone makes mistakes, right?" Director Liu said, "just make it clear. Lao Zhang, you guys should take a warning from this matter and learn a lesson from it and must not make any more mistakes in personnel recruitment." After that, he patted minister Zhang on the back. Minister Zhang, who was eating grass, was very moved and shed tears.

"Lao Li, what does your technology department think about this?" The director then asked Minister Li of the technology department,"you are also responsible for such a big event. Bob is a member of your technology department. After working together for so long, nobody found him to be an orangutan?" Asked the director.
Minister Li of the Ministry of technology clearly came prepared, Stand up and say:
"We are indeed responsible for this matter. Although it is the personnel department that recruited Bob into the company, we haven't found him to be an orangutan after working together for so long. Our technology department is also responsible."
"As you all know, our technology department is all pragmatists who are more focused on work and technology research. At ordinary times, we may not communicate with each other enough. This should be improved in the future. Like this time, orangutans have been working here for so long. If our technology department had high vigilance and could find problems in advance, this embarrassing situation would not have occurred."
"After the incident occurred, I urgently called all the staff of the technology department to discuss it. Everyone was also very touched. They all said that they had not done enough. As a responsible employee, it is not enough to do their own work well. They should also be able to put aside the concept of Department, look at the whole situation, think about the company everywhere, share the company's worries everywhere, and take the initiative to make up for the mistakes of other departments.If all the employees of the company can think and do this in the future, I think this event will be fruitful."
"No matter what other departments think, all of us in the technology department are united after this lesson. We will resolutely prevent similar incidents from happening again in the future! Don't say that orangutans, even donkeys, hippos and bears sneak in, we will also pull them out!"
"Come on! Everyone from the technology department comes to say something!"
Minister Li said that as soon as the voice fell, all the technical department stood up, "beating the chest alternately with left and right hands with shouting "Ohh Ohh", and said in unison:"all the staff of the technical department, we promise you! Start with me, care about others, never let an orangutan into the company, please supervise!"

Minister Li was also very excited. He patted his chest a few times with shouting "Ohh~" and said to the director, "director Liu, how about this?!"
The director was also very excited, patted the table with shouting "Ohh~", stood up and said,"very good! Everyone should learn from the technology department, especially the personnel department, and see their attitude. Lao Zhang, look up, Lao Zhang, Lao Zhang! Is everyone from your personnel department here? Where's Eric?"
Zhang raised his head, wiped his mouth and said, "Eric can't come. He has been sleeping under the table for more than half a month. It seems to be hibernating."

Director Liu said, "did he ask for leave?"
Minister Zhang said: "he has asked for leave and his work has been handed over. He will wake up next spring."
"Director Liu said:" that's good. Hibernation is a biological habit, which is objective and unavoidable. It's better not to affect work."
Then he asked Secretary Lin, "where is president Zhao?Why hasn't he arrived? The meeting is almost over."

Secretary Lin said, "the vice president is still on the way. He walks slowly."
Director Liu said, "what's the matter? Knowing that Mr. Zhao is walking slowly, why didn't you inform him in advance? Where is he now?" Someone at the door said, "here we are! President Zhao is almost at the door!"

Director Liu commanded others and said, "hurry up, give me a hand to carry president Zhao in. Don't waste time, otherwise it will take half an hour for president Zhao to climb over."
The crowd carried vice president Zhao in and put him on the rostrum.
Director Liu went over and said, "president Zhao, president Zhao, please tell us a few words."
President Zhao said nothing.
Director Liu said, "president Zhao, president Zhao, please say something!"

Secretary Lin said, "director, president Zhao seems to be asleep."
Director Liu said, "since president Zhao is asleep, that's OK. Don't affect the rest of the leader. Everyone has the responsibility to go back and reflect on this incident. The meeting ends."

The next day, the company issued three policies:
The first is to strictly guard against old ladies.
The second is that all personnel of the human resources department strengthen their study and improve their ability to distinguish animals. Each person buys a complete set of VCDs of the animal world, downloads and installs the "Asian animal atlas" app on his mobile phone, and organizes a weekly visit to the zoo to communicate with animals face-to-face.
The third is to ensure that the supply of bananas per unit remains unchanged. Please work with peace of mind.

The employees felt quite satisfied. The company responded quickly, courteously and favorably to its own people in this incident, so calm was restored.
Many employees also slapped the table several times with shouting "Ohh Ohh" to express their excitement.

A storm is over. Beijing has ushered in a new day.

Why can an inner-party election decide the national leader
Why do I think this is the retrogression of British political civilization

Why is recruitment so difficult this year?

- I heard the sound recording of foreigner in Shanghai condemn angrily at the neighborhood committee.
I have to say:
He really has a strong mother country behind him.

- What would happen if I condemn angrily at the neighborhood committee too?

- You will also realize that you have a strong mother country too.