Confidence is bunk. Here's why.

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dorkseid
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09 May 2022, 9:37 am

SkinnedWolf wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
None of you can tell me tall handsome men can't pick girls at bars and social events. I've seen it happen with my own eyes hundreds of times.

I guess nobody here tells you "he can't".

But the problem is, you can't generalize about how all girls are.

A high percentage of girls are attracted to that kind of guy. This is a fact.
But another fact is that some girls aren't keen on that kind of guy, or have other preferences.
The latter is what you should care about.

I don't think "I have to be able to attract most girls" is a necessary goal for a guy who wants to have one partner.


It was never my intention to imply that all women like that type of man. I only meant that enough do for such men to experience success. While all the women I've met have all either been already taken or not interested in me.



kraftiekortie
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09 May 2022, 9:40 am

Their “success” is very often temporary.

The type of sex in dorm rooms frequently is not of high quality. It’s frequently of a Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am sort of quality.

After these women grow up, they want something better than this sort of sex. So the jocks just might lose out later in life.



dorkseid
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09 May 2022, 2:24 pm

Perhaps. But it's still than nothing at all.



cubedemon6073
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09 May 2022, 8:55 pm

The thing is though Dorkseid is right when he says confidence is bunk.

Yes, there is truth to have confidence when you want to get things started or done. Like having the bravery to simply go to an interview no matter how nervous you are.

BUT......here is the problem!! !! ! A number of people who I've encountered in my life want to treat confidence as though it is the building blocks of the universe. Dorkseid didn't get the girl and I didn't get the job so neither of us were confident enough or we didn't believe in ourselves enough.

Here's the thing. When it comes to the getting a job I can choose to believe in myself and have the confidence to go in for an interview. But.... ultimately, it is the interviewer or whomever is in charge of hiring that chooses to hire me. I can believe I'm the best fit for the job but if the interviewer or the selecting official says no then it doesn't matter how much confidence I had. It didn't matter whether I believed in myself or not.

Reality is not defined by my wishes, hopes, or dreams. It doesn't matter how positive I am or how much I believe in myself. The reality is if the interviewer doesn't like me or doesn't think I'm a good fit I'm not getting hired. It doesn't matter what I think, do or don't do. In the end, it is up to the selecting official as to what my fate is.

Same thing for Dorkseid and women. It doesn't matter how much confidence and positivity he has or how much he believes in himself. If a woman or a whole slew of women don't want to go out with him then they will not go out with him. His confidence and/or lack thereof is not the building blocks of reality and doesn't magically get women to accept or reject him. And, even if confidence is a factor is it the only factor.

Dorkseid, here is my advice:

1. Cancel your suicide plans if you have any.

2. Put the whole dating and/or getting laid thing on the back burner. Focus on other things like school work, hobbies, working out, writing, having fun and trying new things in life, etc Just get your mind off the whole dating and/or getting laid thing and push it off for a time in the future. Keep doing that. Put pursuing on the back burner.

3. And, if you never get a date and/or laid then so what? Do something else to make your life enjoyable as best as you can.

4. Consider that we live in a dysfunctional culture and society with dysfunctional people and take people's advice and their stories with a grain of salt.



Pepe
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09 May 2022, 9:08 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wonder how the football player is doing now….

There’s been lots of concussion-related disorders—both mental and physical—amongst football players.


Hopefully, wery, wery badly. :twisted:



Pepe
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09 May 2022, 9:09 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
None of you can tell me tall handsome men can't pick girls at bars and social events. I've seen it happen with my own eyes hundreds of times.

I guess nobody here tells you "he can't".

But the problem is, you can't generalize about how all girls are.

A high percentage of girls are attracted to that kind of guy. This is a fact.
But another fact is that some girls aren't keen on that kind of guy, or have other preferences.
The latter is what you should care about.

I don't think "I have to be able to attract most girls" is a necessary goal for a guy who wants to have one partner.


Agreed. 8)



Pepe
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09 May 2022, 9:10 pm

dorkseid wrote:
SkinnedWolf wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
None of you can tell me tall handsome men can't pick girls at bars and social events. I've seen it happen with my own eyes hundreds of times.

I guess nobody here tells you "he can't".

But the problem is, you can't generalize about how all girls are.

A high percentage of girls are attracted to that kind of guy. This is a fact.
But another fact is that some girls aren't keen on that kind of guy, or have other preferences.
The latter is what you should care about.

I don't think "I have to be able to attract most girls" is a necessary goal for a guy who wants to have one partner.


It was never my intention to imply that all women like that type of man. I only meant that enough do for such men to experience success. While all the women I've met have all either been already taken or not interested in me.


You aren't the only one in this position.



Pepe
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09 May 2022, 9:13 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Their “success” is very often temporary.

The type of sex in dorm rooms frequently is not of high quality. It’s frequently of a Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am sort of quality.

After these women grow up, they want something better than this sort of sex. So the jocks just might lose out later in life.


Most "jocks" wouldn't be as sex-obsessed when they age, simply because the testosterone levels decrease after a certain age.
Many young women want to "sow their wild oaks" these days also. 8)



Pepe
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09 May 2022, 9:18 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
The thing is though Dorkseid is right when he says confidence is bunk.



Confidence works in some situations but not in others.
There is no Black & white here.

In my case, my vulnerability attracted some women when I was younger.
Later on, my self-confidence was considered an attractive feature.



ironpony
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21 May 2022, 9:31 pm

I think women are mostly attracted to carefree-ness more so than confidence.

Confidence alone might not do it if the woman can still sense that confident guy will still care about rejection or care about what she thinks. But if a guy doesn't care about what others think or rejection, that is more attractive than confidence alone, if I'm right?



kraftiekortie
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22 May 2022, 12:21 am

I believe it does help.