Do we have more luck getting one night stands?

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Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 1:42 pm

I know lots of men with Aspergers struggle to form proper romantic relationships/get a girlfriend.

My question is though do men on the autistic spectrum have more luck getting one night stands/sex compared to actually getting a proper girlfriend? Situations where you get a night stand might be at house parties or nightclubs for example.



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 1:47 pm

Each man could only speak for himself.  So, speaking only for myself, during my single days, I had little trouble engaging "one-night stands"; it was the aftermath of relationships that were difficult.  In my opinion, any man can (theoretically) find a sex partner, but it is building and maintaining relationships where men find the greatest difficulty.

You have been given a great deal of advice on this issue.  It is surprising that you have followed none of it.



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 1:49 pm

Fnord wrote:
Each man could only speak for himself.  So, speaking only for myself, during my single days, I had little trouble engaging "one-night stands"; it was the aftermath of relationships that were difficult.  In my opinion, any man can (theoretically) find a sex partner, but it is building and maintaining relationships where men find the greatest difficulty.

You have been given a great deal of advice on this issue.  It is surprising that you have followed none of it.



I have been going out regurley on the weekends for nearly 10 years now and have never managed to get myself a one night stand or the opportunity to have sex. In my life I have attended a fair amount of house parties to.



Joe90
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05 May 2022, 1:53 pm

I always thought meeting a lover was more difficult for people on the spectrum than long-term relationships. It seems that so many NTs I know seem to have short-lived relationships but find it easy to meet people, where as a lot of people on the spectrum (probably Aspie women more) stay with the same partner for years or even the rest of their lives, if they managed to meet them in the first place, which might be later than average in life. But then what is average, if so many NT people can't seem to stick in relationships these days?


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IsabellaLinton
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05 May 2022, 1:56 pm

I have two walnut night stands.



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 1:59 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I always thought meeting a lover was more difficult for people on the spectrum than long-term relationships. It seems that so many NTs I know seem to have short-lived relationships but find it easy to meet people, where as a lot of people on the spectrum (probably Aspie women more) stay with the same partner for years or even the rest of their lives, if they managed to meet them in the first place, which might be later than average in life. But then what is average, if so many NT people can't seem to stick in relationships these days?



In my entire teenage/adult life a woman has never held me by the hand and said “Let’s go somewhere private and have sex”. Ha if only it was that simple.


Across society there is this view that people with disabilities are not interested in sex and hence that creates a prejudice in people minded.

Sorry I know that comes across as extremely creepy but just giving an example of a scenario.



kraftiekortie
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05 May 2022, 2:04 pm

My nightstand is white wood :P



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 2:05 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
My nightstand is white wood :P



There is this idea in society that people on the autism spectrum are not interested in sex. Part of the problem is society views us as children.



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 2:13 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I have been going out regurley on the weekends for nearly 10 years now and have never managed to get myself a one night stand or the opportunity to have sex. In my life I have attended a fair amount of house parties to.
What have you done to make yourself more attractive/loveable to women?



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 2:15 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going out regurley on the weekends for nearly 10 years now and have never managed to get myself a one night stand or the opportunity to have sex. In my life I have attended a fair amount of house parties to.
What have you done to make yourself more attractive/loveable to women?


I workout regurley and always dress smartly



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 2:17 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going out regurley on the weekends for nearly 10 years now and have never managed to get myself a one night stand or the opportunity to have sex. In my life I have attended a fair amount of house parties to.
What have you done to make yourself more attractive/loveable to women?
I workout regurley and always dress smartly
What else?



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 2:19 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going out regurley on the weekends for nearly 10 years now and have never managed to get myself a one night stand or the opportunity to have sex. In my life I have attended a fair amount of house parties to.
What have you done to make yourself more attractive/loveable to women?
I workout regurley and always dress smartly
What else?




Nothing much else really but I did have a job 7 years ago which helped . I am usually awkward around women.

Been unemployed now since 2015 and I have only worked a proper full time job for 6 months in my entire life.



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 2:32 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I have been going out regurley on the weekends for nearly 10 years now and have never managed to get myself a one night stand or the opportunity to have sex. In my life I have attended a fair amount of house parties to.
What have you done to make yourself more attractive/loveable to women?
I workout regurley and always dress smartly
What else?
Nothing much else really but I did have a job 7 years ago which helped . . . Been unemployed now since 2015 and I have only worked a proper full time job for 6 months in my entire life.
There you have it.  Only you can change it.



munstead
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05 May 2022, 3:00 pm

One night stands for men only really happen for the higher end of physical attraction, or for 'medium' but with outstanding personality and charm. So I'm not convinced this is something you should aim for based on how you have self-described on WP. I have never had a one night stand but the people I have spoken to that have had one typically regret it.

A clear observation from my time on the planet is that for men looks are really not that much of a priority for women. If you're clean and presentable and aren't some overweight slob then that is basically a tick. The rest, what really matters, is how you are with them, are you trustworthy, do you show interest in them as an individual, are you reliable, do you have some charm/humour/sparkle in eye, can you look after yourself. My sense is that as soon as they pick up on your job history that - combined with you saying you are awkward around them - will turn them off. So my counsel would be to spend less time going out and drinking etc. and more time on self-improvement and mindfulness to try and discover how you can improve your prospects in those areas. It is certainly possible to make big strides in these areas. It's not the easy option but it's the one that will actually work. Over to you.



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 3:05 pm

munstead wrote:
One night stands for men only really happen for the higher end of physical attraction, or for 'medium' but with outstanding personality and charm. So I'm not convinced this is something you should aim for based on how you have self-described on WP. I have never had a one night stand but the people I have spoken to that have had one typically regret it.

A clear observation from my time on the planet is that for men looks are really not that much of a priority for women. If you're clean and presentable and aren't some overweight slob then that is basically a tick. The rest, what really matters, is how you are with them, are you trustworthy, do you show interest in them as an individual, are you reliable, do you have some charm/humour/sparkle in eye, can you look after yourself. My sense is that as soon as they pick up on your job history that - combined with you saying you are awkward around them - will turn them off. So my counsel would be to spend less time going out and drinking etc. and more time on self-improvement and mindfulness to try and discover how you can improve your prospects in those areas. It is certainly possible to make big strides in these areas. It's not the easy option but it's the one that will actually work. Over to you.



I only go out to pubs/bars twice a week max.



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 3:06 pm

munstead wrote:
. . . A clear observation from my time on the planet is that for men looks are really not that much of a priority for women.  If you're clean and presentable and aren't some overweight slob then that is basically a tick.  The rest, what really matters, is how you are with them, are you trustworthy, do you show interest in them as an individual, are you reliable, do you have some charm/humour/sparkle in eye, can you look after yourself.  My sense is that as soon as they pick up on your job history that -- combined with you saying you are awkward around them -- will turn them off.  So my counsel would be to spend less time going out and drinking etc. and more time on self-improvement and mindfulness to try and discover how you can improve your prospects in those areas.  It is certainly possible to make big strides in these areas.  It's not the easy option but it's the one that will actually work.  Over to you.
THIS ↑ for the win.

It is not enough for a man to rely on looks alone, unless he is surrounded by women for whom looks are all that matter.

For the rest of us, everything Munstead said applies.  I will add that being able to entertain others is also a plus -- musicians are notorious for spending happy sexy fun times with their groupies whenever they are on tour.

So work on self-improvement and and maybe also try to develop some sort of musical talent.