Do we have more luck getting one night stands?

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munstead
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05 May 2022, 3:10 pm

You really haven't engaged with my post - or others that are helpful on this thread.

How about this more direct version: those are two nights when you could instead save money and undertake courses that gain you a qualification or a skill that could get you a full time or good part time job. Or simply meditate, do pilates, yoga, to work on interoception to improve your wellbeing.



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 3:22 pm

munstead wrote:
You really haven't engaged with my post - or others that are helpful on this thread.

How about this more direct version: those are two nights when you could instead save money and undertake courses that gain you a qualification or a skill that could get you a full time or good part time job. Or simply meditate, do pilates, yoga, to work on interoception to improve your wellbeing.




Yeah that’s true. Sorry if my threads seem repetitive.



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05 May 2022, 3:25 pm

Jamesy wrote:
munstead wrote:
You really haven't engaged with my post -- or others that are helpful on this thread.  How about this more direct version: those are two nights when you could instead save money and undertake courses that gain you a qualification or a skill that could get you a full time or good part time job.  Or simply meditate, do pilates, yoga, to work on interoception to improve your wellbeing.
Yeah that’s true. Sorry if my threads seem repetitive.
If you know they are repetitive, then why do you repeat them?

For that matter, how about following the advice we have given you?



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 3:30 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
munstead wrote:
You really haven't engaged with my post -- or others that are helpful on this thread.  How about this more direct version: those are two nights when you could instead save money and undertake courses that gain you a qualification or a skill that could get you a full time or good part time job.  Or simply meditate, do pilates, yoga, to work on interoception to improve your wellbeing.
Yeah that’s true. Sorry if my threads seem repetitive.
If you know they are repetitive, then why do you repeat them?

For that matter, how about following the advice we have given you?




Well I am trying to cut down on going out to bars at the moment so that’s one step in the right direction.


Maybe instead of going out twice a week I should just go out once.



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 3:52 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
munstead wrote:
You really haven't engaged with my post -- or others that are helpful on this thread.  How about this more direct version: those are two nights when you could instead save money and undertake courses that gain you a qualification or a skill that could get you a full time or good part time job.  Or simply meditate, do pilates, yoga, to work on interoception to improve your wellbeing.
Yeah that’s true. Sorry if my threads seem repetitive.
If you know they are repetitive, then why do you repeat them?  For that matter, how about following the advice we have given you?
Well I am trying to cut down on going out to bars at the moment so that’s one step in the right direction.  Maybe instead of going out twice a week I should just go out once.
How about the OTHER steps?  Good grief, man!  There is more than just ONE thing you can do!



Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 4:03 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
munstead wrote:
You really haven't engaged with my post -- or others that are helpful on this thread.  How about this more direct version: those are two nights when you could instead save money and undertake courses that gain you a qualification or a skill that could get you a full time or good part time job.  Or simply meditate, do pilates, yoga, to work on interoception to improve your wellbeing.
Yeah that’s true. Sorry if my threads seem repetitive.
If you know they are repetitive, then why do you repeat them?  For that matter, how about following the advice we have given you?
Well I am trying to cut down on going out to bars at the moment so that’s one step in the right direction.  Maybe instead of going out twice a week I should just go out once.
How about the OTHER steps?  Good grief, man!  There is more than just ONE thing you can do!



I might join a social group for autistic people in my local area



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 4:07 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
. . . I am trying to cut down on going out to bars at the moment so that’s one step in the right direction.  Maybe instead of going out twice a week I should just go out once.
How about the OTHER steps?  Good grief, man!  There is more than just ONE thing you can do!
I might join a social group for autistic people in my local area
You could do that, along with all the other suggestions you have been given.



Last edited by Fnord on 05 May 2022, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

funeralxempire
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05 May 2022, 4:07 pm

It depends, some guys with ASD might be blessed in terms of looks and superficial social skills to navigate finding hook-ups, especially if they don't form deep connections with people. Others might lack those traits and/or only be capable of a few deep connections with people and be more prone to only forming long-term relationships.


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Jamesy
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05 May 2022, 4:11 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
It depends, some guys with ASD might be blessed in terms of looks and superficial social skills to navigate finding hook-ups, especially if they don't form deep connections with people. Others might lack those traits and/or only be capable of a few deep connections with people and be more prone to only forming long-term relationships.




Have you been successful forming relationships?



funeralxempire
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05 May 2022, 4:17 pm

Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It depends, some guys with ASD might be blessed in terms of looks and superficial social skills to navigate finding hook-ups, especially if they don't form deep connections with people. Others might lack those traits and/or only be capable of a few deep connections with people and be more prone to only forming long-term relationships.




Have you been successful forming relationships?


Sometimes, although it's rare. I struggle to maintain friendships and rarely have more than a few at a time.


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Muse933277
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05 May 2022, 5:36 pm

Hooking up and one night stands are mostly based on physical attraction, so it would make sense that attractive people have an easier time hooking up compared to less attractive people.

It also depends on your gender. For autistic women, unless they're very unattractive and/or very overweight, getting hookups and ONS's will be very easy. I know an autistic woman who was average at best, maybe even a little below average in the face, but had absolutely no problems with meeting guys at bars. But then again, she was a wild and sexually adventurous sorority girl.

For men on the other hand, a lot of how easy hooking up will be is based on your looks. If you have a decent body, decent face, not overweight, not too short (under 5 ft 7), and decent social skills, you can generally be successful in that type of avenue. Traditionally unattractive men will struggle.



Jamesy
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06 May 2022, 2:15 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Hooking up and one night stands are mostly based on physical attraction, so it would make sense that attractive people have an easier time hooking up compared to less attractive people.

It also depends on your gender. For autistic women, unless they're very unattractive and/or very overweight, getting hookups and ONS's will be very easy. I know an autistic woman who was average at best, maybe even a little below average in the face, but had absolutely no problems with meeting guys at bars. But then again, she was a wild and sexually adventurous sorority girl.

For men on the other hand, a lot of how easy hooking up will be is based on your looks. If you have a decent body, decent face, not overweight, not too short (under 5 ft 7), and decent social skills, you can generally be successful in that type of avenue. Traditionally unattractive men will struggle.




I was at my local bar 6-7 years ago and this one guy said to me "go online you don't stand a chance".



klanka
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06 May 2022, 3:36 am

I would say do the opposite. Hanging out at the same pub regularly might help more than going online.



The Grand Inquisitor
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06 May 2022, 3:59 am

I'd imagine that the skillset and attributes that aid in initially forming relationships would be quite similar to those required for attracting sex partners for one-night stands. Given that both entail the employment of social skills, those of us who struggle socially probably don't do much better with one than the other.

If anything, I'd think it'd generally be easier for heterosexual aspie guys to establish a long-term relationship than have multiple one-night stands, since a relationship only requires finding one person who likes and accepts you, where having a series of one-night stands requires adequate social skills to promptly establish rapport with multiple different people.



Jamesy
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06 May 2022, 4:00 am

klanka wrote:
I would say do the opposite. Hanging out at the same pub regularly might help more than going online.



What do you think he meant by "you don't stand a chance"

He also said "you have no personality"



rse92
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06 May 2022, 9:05 am

You need to GET A JOB.

Unless you are profoundly disabled, you can work at something. You have to bring a hell of a lot else to the table to attract a woman if you are an unemployed, chronically unemployed man.