Why do autistic women put up with this stereotype?

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MaxE
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07 May 2022, 12:07 pm

The stereotype that autistic women are especially predisposed to seek attractive men for sexual gratification for its own sake rather than seeking love as most would understand the concept. This stereotype was advanced in two TV shows I can think of, namely The Bridge and Everything's Gonna Be Okay, the first of which apparently retained Alex Plank as a consultant.

From what I've seen on WP, I'd be surprised if as much as half of autistic women are even heterosexual, and of those, many seem to be inhibited about sex because they adhere to conservative religious views or because of sensory issues. In fact, I would say the most striking impression I have is that so many autistic women seem to be asexual.

In my own experience, I dated two people who I believe were on the spectrum, and of all women I dated, they were the only ones with a history of seeking sex for its own sake as I described (the others who were arguably assertive about wanting sex seemed to attach at least some degree of emotion to that desire) but of course I won't ever know for sure if either was genuinely on the spectrum.

Why don't I see ASD women complaining about this?


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HighLlama
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07 May 2022, 12:21 pm

Because anytime a woman here starts a thread about female issues, 10 men respond to correct her?



Joe90
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07 May 2022, 12:28 pm

I don't quite understand what you're asking.


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temp1234
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07 May 2022, 12:30 pm

To the OP. I don't really get it. You sound against the stereotype but you are saying that the stereotype is confirmed by your experience?



IsabellaLinton
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07 May 2022, 12:40 pm

Image



MaxE
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07 May 2022, 12:43 pm

temp1234 wrote:
To the OP. I don't really get it. You sound against the stereotype but you are saying that the stereotype is confirmed by your experience?

I guess I'm saying there's some truth to the stereotype but I would still expect most autistic women to object. I mean this does apply to a certain minority of autistic women, therefore they conform to the stereotype but most autistic women seem to be the exact opposite.

It's like the stereotype about Italian-Americans being gangsters. The vast majority of Italian-Americans are the exact opposite, yet surprisingly you seem to see a lot of tacit acceptance of that stereotype on the part of many Italian-Americans.


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hurtloam
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07 May 2022, 12:45 pm

I think that the writers want to make the characters look strong and independent.

Asexual people can be sexual, they can also be aromantic, so could be like Saga. I haven't watched the other show.

In real life I've noticed autistic women tend to get taken advantage of. They trust and get burned and abused. That doesn't make for good TV from a publicity point of view. The show makers want to appear to be allistic which means their diverse characters can't be victims, they have to kick ass.

And yes as High Llama points out we have no voice on this forum.

If you head over to Reddit there is a great, positive sub for autistic women and I'm blown away by how supportive it is. Maybe check that out for what autistic women have to say.

It's
r/aspergirls

Edited to correct spelling



Last edited by hurtloam on 07 May 2022, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MaxE
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07 May 2022, 12:55 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I think that the titers want to make the characters look strong and independent.

I hadn't thought of it this way. I feel confident saying that those writers are most likely male but I suppose even some NT women could have that intention.


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old_comedywriter
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07 May 2022, 1:03 pm

I see the stereotype of autistic women (especially Asperger's) quite differently but also negatively. Overweight, many commorbid health and mental issues, and asexual not necessarily by choice. Very few stereotype into the "aspie know-it-all" opposite end which is also rife with issues.

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naturalplastic
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07 May 2022, 1:24 pm

I didnt know that that was a stereotype about autistic women. But one aspie lady I was acquainted with in a dating-like situation did say something like "i dont understand this emotional attachment people have with sex". By people she meant "other women". So that one girl fit this stereotype that youre talking about.



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07 May 2022, 2:05 pm

I've never heard of this stereotype? Is this an American thing?

But we are the home of Simon Baron-Cohen (may his works be scattered, may his name be forgotten), so I think the stereotype about autistic women here is that autistic women don't exist.



hurtloam
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07 May 2022, 2:12 pm

Alivia wrote:
I've never heard of this stereotype? Is this an American thing?

But we are the home of Simon Baron-Cohen (may his works be scattered, may his name be forgotten), so I think the stereotype about autistic women here is that autistic women don't exist.


The Bridge is a Swedish/Danish show



blazingstar
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07 May 2022, 4:30 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I think that the writers want to make the characters look strong and independent.

Asexual people can be sexual, they can also be aromantic, so could be like Saga. I haven't watched the other show.

In real life I've noticed autistic women tend to get taken advantage of. They trust and get burned and abused. That doesn't make for good TV from a publicity point of view. The show makers want to appear to be allistic which means their diverse characters can't be victims, they have to kick ass.

And yes as High Llama points out we have no voice on this forum.

If you head over to Reddit there is a great, positive sub for autistic women and I'm blown away by how supportive it is. Maybe check that out for what autistic women have to say.

It's
r/aspergirls

Edited to correct spelling


Thank you, hurtloam. Wish I had this (the Reddit thread) 50+ years ago. Still, it’s reminding me all that stuff was not my fault.


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kraftiekortie
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07 May 2022, 4:38 pm

Why do you think you have no voice on this forum?



Joe90
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07 May 2022, 4:51 pm

I'm heterosexual and I'm in a healthy loving relationship with my NT boyfriend and I know what love is and how to express it, and I'm not with him just for sex at all (he's not with me just for sex either). Is that usual or unusual for an Aspie woman?


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kraftiekortie
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07 May 2022, 4:53 pm

I don’t think so.