My name is Dan. I'm 35 and I have Asperger's, as well as a rare condition called Moebius Syndrome, and a clubbed foot related to it that I've had surgeries on. Also social anxiety.
I obsess over Anime, Game Shows, older Music and TV. Light gaming. (More Nintendo, selective PlayStation like Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, Sly Cooper, ect.)
I have a really hard time connecting with people offline. I feel like things about me fight against itself. When I am in a social situation with family for example, I'll be happy to try and jump in to a conversation, but then immediately feel like whatever I said was stupid or annoying.
In 2015, I became disabled because of my foot. - Well, that's the reason I applied, but they say its for other things listed. They decided I wasn't mentally with it enough to take care of my own money - even though I had been living on my own and paying my bills before that. That doesn't help with my self esteem.
I also just got dumped after 13 years in a long distance relationship, Two weeks and a day ago. He was my other half. He was patient and kind, and really understood me, and I understood him. Of course things came up that sometimes one or both of us was busy, but in general for the last 13 years, we usually spent quite a few hours a day together, especially on the weekend. We also took lots of trips together, in the US (where I am) and in Germany (Where he's from) and all across Europe. The main reason we broke up, I think, is that he was always going to move to the US, when we met he said he already wanted to. In the last couple years he decided slowly that he didn't want to anymore. Which I don't really blame him, moving countries is a big deal. ... And I couldn't move to Germany either, if he would have asked me to. But I don't think it really would have worked long term. But even knowing that... to say getting over him/through this has been rough would be an understatement.
Now that he's gone I feel kind of hopeless. Not just on a relationship level but on a friend level as well. He took up so much of my time (I mean in a good way) and I'm getting older (I mean 35, but you know) and it's harder to make the connections. And when I go out (I live in a small town in Ohio) I see people staring at me and not many people IRL have given me much of a chance. I made an appointment with a therapist and I hope that will help, but it's still a few weeks away. (And meanwhile I can't walk from surgery which isn't helping anything)
I'm sorry for the long post, I hope it's okay.
But I hope I can get active here and make new friends. Have a nice day everyone.
10 May 2022, 2:00 pm
