This was the treatment I frequently got at school

Page 1 of 2 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,166
Location: UK

11 May 2022, 1:42 pm

I've had this happen a few times by unpleasant people.

I remember one time at school when I was about 14 I was sitting among a group of girls and there was this boy asking if anyone could lend him 20p. He was one of those obnoxious popular boys, so when he asked me I looked at him and shyly said "no" quietly. He then got within an inch of my face and angrily shouted at the top of his lungs "HELLO?! DO YOU HAVE 20P YOU CAN LEND ME?" It kind of alarmed me so I said in a cross voice (suddenly not shy any more) "no, and even if I did I wouldn't give it to you after the way you spoke to me." The other girls looked at me, completely displeased by my reaction and not his, and moved away from me and telling me to chill! The boy glared at me and stormed away. Prick.

Did you get treated this way? Kids got away with being rude to you but if you stood up for yourself nobody liked you? This was the sort of bullying I had. Not the "we'll get you behind the bike sheds and take your lunch money and beat you up" type. It was more the "we'll constantly treat you differently in passive aggressive ways".

This is why I have trust issues now.


_________________
Female
Aged 32
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and mild ASD

I don't like autism being mentioned to me as I'm partly in denial.


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 554
Location: Cardiff, Wales

11 May 2022, 1:59 pm

I made silly mistakes in the vein of failing the sally-anne test, but different situations. So a lot of the kids thought I was stupid...I got good marks in exams though.
I just kept under the radar and only talked to my very close friends. I ignored everyone else as they had only done negative things and judged me for lack of social skills and whatever cognitive impairment I had.

I had to unlearn the instinct of ignoring people later in life as that got me in trouble at work.



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,618
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

11 May 2022, 5:40 pm

Nope.

My hostile self is either a bully deterrent or an immature bait. Violent and angry, would basically do whatever it want whenever it felt like it.
Prideful enough to be socially vigilant enough and would rather be above other else.
Anyone who is neither of those would knew better than to bother me. :lol:

My happy self is more entertaining though.
Very generous and agreeable. But at least no one took advantage of that to a point of abuse.
Willing to act cute and naive, neverminding helplessness and playing dumb.
People who can't read well or don't know the both sides of me won't do well with me.


Hostile enough to pick a fight with a group of boys my age and get offended really easily -- let alone a whole girl posse, and with teachers who understands enough that I don't go hostile for no reason.
Asocial enough to not give a damn about people, but egocentric enough to be flattered that people 'adjusts' and don't adjust for me.

Happy enough to be approachable and reciprocate.
Which would they rather prefer to deal with? :twisted: My angry self or my happy self?

I don't have to force myself to maintain the latter -- which very much indicates of how they should treat me; they should be coaxing me to make the latter.

Students would understand if I say a flat yes. Students would understand if I say flat no and why.
Students would understand enough if I say maybe and play games with them.

I don't have to tell them if they're being rude. Especially at ages over 14.
In fact, I don't need to say adjectives out loud towards anyone my whole life so far.


But that's because I have crappy emotional regulation long before I was diagnosed.
So I have to make do with what I have, frustrating as it is, even through early adulthood.

Wishing for most of my life that I could just control it instead of having to let it control me.

Only very few individuals had a chance to reconcile and go beyond those sides of me.
And I would have to learn myself how.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).


ChrisInAustralia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 11 May 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 61
Location: Hobart

11 May 2022, 7:25 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I've had this happen a few times by unpleasant people.

I remember one time at school when I was about 14 I was sitting among a group of girls and there was this boy asking if anyone could lend him 20p. He was one of those obnoxious popular boys, so when he asked me I looked at him and shyly said "no" quietly. He then got within an inch of my face and angrily shouted at the top of his lungs "HELLO?! DO YOU HAVE 20P YOU CAN LEND ME?" It kind of alarmed me so I said in a cross voice (suddenly not shy any more) "no, and even if I did I wouldn't give it to you after the way you spoke to me." The other girls looked at me, completely displeased by my reaction and not his, and moved away from me and telling me to chill! The boy glared at me and stormed away. Prick.

Did you get treated this way? Kids got away with being rude to you but if you stood up for yourself nobody liked you? This was the sort of bullying I had. Not the "we'll get you behind the bike sheds and take your lunch money and beat you up" type. It was more the "we'll constantly treat you differently in passive aggressive ways".

This is why I have trust issues now.


What you experienced was toxic masculinity. Most girls learn to be submissive and you didn't. Good for you. But yeah, high school was ultra confusing for me, and left me with no trust in people or feeling I belonged. I was lucky, I joined a church and while that had it's own issues, it forced people to be nice to me and gave me a way to learn how to socialise.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,731

11 May 2022, 7:50 pm

Yes, the popular/alpha boys behave like this because they are enabled by the rest of the class. I used to get snarled at for no particular reason, or had balls thrown at me and the crowd nearby would laugh/snicker.

Nobody stands up to bullies because nobody cares if they aren't the target.

In highschool there were two boys who were skinheads who looked for the weak and vulnerable to prey upon. They played up for an entire year and all of the kids (girls and boys) loved them because they were so big and popular and were into physical sports and were air force cadets. Eventually they both got expelled after beating up a German exchange student (they were skinheads go figure?). They said some really nasty things to me but I just ignored them and they left me alone because they didn't get a reaction. Sometimes when people scream in your face just stare at them and say nothing, That often un-nerves them,



kokopelli
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,508
Location: amid the sunlight and the dust and the wind

11 May 2022, 8:11 pm

When I was a kid, I had a nickname of "Firecracker". One wrong word to me and I came out swinging in a full fury. Calling me "Firecracker" was enough for me to start swinging.

As a result, I was in well over 100 fights as a kid. There were days when I was in three or more fights the same day.

I never could figure out where they got "Firecracker" back then. It wasn't until I was probably 50 that I realized that it was because I had such a short fuse.



mohsart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 710
Location: Southern Sweden

12 May 2022, 3:53 am

I was an oddball so they picked on me, mostly verbally, trying to get a reaction I guess.
But I was very recilient.
Sometimes situations like "Do this or we'll beat you up!"
But I was never afraid, and I was very obstinate.
In the end I was mostly ignored, which suited me fine.
Two examples of obstinate:
I had short hair. When they started teasing me about it, I decided to never get a what was then popular haircut.
I got teased for wearing a T-shirt with some print from a construction company, so I decided to always wear that kind of T-shirts.
I guess I tried to fit in, but if I was pushed by teasing or violence to fit in, I mostly did the opposite.

/Mats


_________________
Interests: Comic books, Manga; most things to do with Handicraft, wood, textile, metal etc, modern materials; horror, true crime; languages, art, and history to an extent
Uninterests: All things about motors; celebrities; fashion; sports; career; stock market
Feel free to PM me!


SkinnedWolf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2022
Age: 23
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,128
Location: China

12 May 2022, 6:20 am

I can't recall how I was treated by girls before I was twelve. I have circumscribed amnesia.
But I know my hair has been intentionally poured with paint. I wasn't the only victim, but I was the main one for quite a while.
A collaborator of my competition - who later became the lead bully - erased my name as the lead author after our entry won an award.

I can recall when certain boys robbed me of my stationery when I was 9 years old, and several took turns tossing it so I couldn't get it back from any one of them.
My stepbrother at the time was in the same school as me. So these boys described their fantasies about me and my stepbrother having sex in front of me.
They admired how I blushed and started crying.

When my mother complained to my head teacher about this, the head teacher responded that it was my own inability to have a good relationship with other children.

I'm glad I learned how to be tough and how to build deterrent alliances. I began to have a non-negligible value to gain the protection of my teachers. I suspect that I haven't learned how to fight back, but I've been able to contain most potential conflicts.
When I learn to mask my weakness and join the order of masculinity, I stop being victimized.


_________________
I use English with the help of translation software and apologize for all possible misunderstandings.

The 'skinned wolf' is actually a type of fish

Find communicators about interests please PM me


Last edited by SkinnedWolf on 12 May 2022, 6:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,483

12 May 2022, 6:36 am

No, but I had a similar situation at a job with said “Employment supports.” No one liked this job coach that we worked with for various reasons. They also didn’t like me because I wasn’t another disabled people who was willing to blend into the wood works.

Anyway, I finally stood up to this job coach and requested a new one. They all whined that I was “Disrespectful” and “Mean” to the job coach.



Lost_dragon
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,021
Location: England

13 May 2022, 9:08 am

T.W. Fighting, Bullying and mentions of assault.

Unfortunately, yes, I can relate to your post OP. I was labelled as cocky for talking back to my bullies and standing my ground. People even tried to start fights with me. "Oh, you think you're tough? Meet me outside then", to which I'd sigh and explain that I'd never claimed to be physically tough and that fighting me would be a waste of time. That they should go fight someone (if they really wanted a fight) who was actually a threat to them. People didn't like that response.

"So what, you're a coward then after all?"

"I mean, call me what you want but I'm being realistic, go bother someone else"

The only time I ever wanted to fight someone in high school was when my best friend at the time was being picked on. Well, picked on isn't accurate, full on assaulted would be a better descriptor. The guy who did it bragged about it in front of me. It took all my self-control not to react. He was too dangerous to approach.

A different guy picked a fight with me due to grievances with my friend, but as I mentioned in another thread, I just picked him up and moved him to the side. I very much didn't want to fight anyone but the world seemed determined. Yet another guy (I had countless bullies) would scream in my ear and then call me sensitive if I reacted. "It's just a prank" "I don't find it funny. Please don't do that" "Wow you're so sensitive"

If I stood up for myself, it was met with "you're so cocky / full of yourself" or "learn to take a joke". :roll:
You couldn't pay me to live through high school again. What an absolute nightmare.


_________________
23. Possibly B.A.P.


Pteranomom
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 21 Apr 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 182

14 May 2022, 10:40 pm

I got picked on a lot in elementary school, but things got better when my parents switched me to a new school. Some schools really just have better kids than other kids.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,166
Location: UK

20 May 2022, 11:28 am

Another time I had a boy being rude to me was when I was about 11 or 12. I was waiting with my class in the hallways for the teacher to arrive, and everyone was chatting. Then I caught sight of a boy I'd never seen before (he was from another class just chatting to someone from my class), and he was covered in bandages. I found myself looking at him, and then he caught me looking at him so he shouted across the hallway over the crowds "WHAT THE f**k DO YOU THINK YOU'RE f*****g LOOKING AT?!" I immediately looked away and I wanted to cry. None of the other kids seemed to notice that he'd shouted that at me, and when I started sobbing the other girls were asking why I was crying.
Yes I know nobody likes being stared at but I bet he would stare if that were me or anyone else covered in bandages. I've learnt now not to stare at people who look different (sadly most NTs never learn that). There was no need for him to be rude to a harmless, shy-looking little girl.

That's just what most (not all) boys were like at high school. They were aggressive or stupid and thought it was OK to just yell in your face and humiliate you.


_________________
Female
Aged 32
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and mild ASD

I don't like autism being mentioned to me as I'm partly in denial.


Lost_dragon
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,021
Location: England

20 May 2022, 12:03 pm

It's a shame that such behaviour often isn't corrected. One time I had a supply teacher; she was so shocked at the blatant disrespect and sexist language in the classroom that she expressed her disapproval and then stormed off. We were left without a teacher for the remainder of that lesson. I'm surprised she didn't check in with me as the only girl in that class. Our regular teacher never corrected or punished the class either.


_________________
23. Possibly B.A.P.


CosmicFerrets
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 10
Location: Australia

22 May 2022, 7:24 am

You know, if I did, I wasn't aware of it. I never had any problems with drama or mean-girl style bullying because I had no clue what was going on. I was very lonely, and I'm sure people did try to bully me at times, but I wasn't aware.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,483

25 May 2022, 11:54 am

While in special education, I was mistreated by a small clique who called me their "Friend" and often left me out and jerked me around. Meanwhile, my case manager, who was this nasty autism specialist, kept putting the blame on me that I wasn't reaching out and calling them. However, what she may not have been aware of was that I had been reaching out and trying to call them only to either get blown off or I would leave a message only to have them ignore me.


I am also very outspoken and I happened to call them out for being bad friends who were to me. Again, my case manager hated it that I am outspoken and often referred to me as "Disruptive." In fact, she was a bully to me herself as well as other students.

I also got picked on in school and the teachers never did anything about it. The excuse was "Just ignore them".



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 554
Location: Cardiff, Wales

25 May 2022, 12:27 pm

I had to smile at 'just ignore them' cos that was the advice i got concerning a housemate who evicted for his behaviour towards me. I protested harshly against anyone who said that because it's so uncaring and dumb advice.