This was the treatment I frequently got at school

Page 2 of 2 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,737
Location: UK

25 May 2022, 12:39 pm

klanka wrote:
I had to smile at 'just ignore them' cos that was the advice i got concerning a housemate who evicted for his behaviour towards me. I protested harshly against anyone who said that because it's so uncaring and dumb advice.


Yes I agree. I hate being told to "just ignore it". Only NT extroverts with high self-esteem, very popular, and very thick-skinned are able to do that, even then not all can. It's hardwired into humans to not tolerate BS. I spent most of my high school life ignoring bullies, and all it's done is build up resentment and now I can't, and won't, tolerate any BS.

The only time I could "ignore" was when my brother teased me or provoked me. I'd yell and then my mum would say "oh just ignore him, he's just silly!" That was a more appropriate time to tell someone to ignore someone because ordinary sibling rivalry wasn't a threat to my confidence. But real bullies actually bullying me was different.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,530

25 May 2022, 5:15 pm

You can’t stand up for yourself because you are the one with behavior problems.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,737
Location: UK

25 May 2022, 5:37 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
You can’t stand up for yourself because you are the one with behavior problems.


When you have ASD you are "lacking empathy" for their feelings if you react.

I remember when these boys at school (2 years younger than me) kept bullying me on the way home from school and it went on for over a year or so. A few of the teachers were aware of this and how uncomfortable it was making me feel. Then one day me and a friend of mine caught one of the boys when he was on his own, and I pushed him against the lockers and shouted "not hard now, are you, little prick!" He ran off and told the teacher that knew about the bullying and she gave me a lecture and said that I was older than him and should know better. Then she asked me how I thought he felt when I did that to him, like I was the clueless autistic who needed to be reminded that other people have feelings :roll: . So I said "well, I assumed he would have felt the same as him and his mates have been making me feel for the past year!" and I walked away. I'm sorry but I do not listen to lectures on how to have empathy and all that s**t because I know exactly how I'm making people feel, and if they deserve to be treated like s**t then that's how I'll treat them.

If I wasn't on the spectrum she probably wouldn't have even gave me that lecture.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,110
Location: England

26 May 2022, 3:55 am

I suppose I was quite lucky at school, I inadvertently did the classic defence mechanism of 'get a tough friend.' Everyone was terrified of her so they left me alone.

Also my dad died when I was 13 and I think I might have given off the air of having extreme anger issues. Certainly if someone had started a fight with me I'd probably have flipped and taken out my suppressed grief and anger on them. I remember a boy pushing me once so I elbowed him really hard with both elbows and he backed away saying 'alright, calm down.'


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 894
Location: Cardiff, Wales

26 May 2022, 4:02 am

Joe90 wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
You can’t stand up for yourself because you are the one with behavior problems.


When you have ASD you are "lacking empathy" for their feelings if you react.

I remember when these boys at school (2 years younger than me) kept bullying me on the way home from school and it went on for over a year or so. A few of the teachers were aware of this and how uncomfortable it was making me feel. Then one day me and a friend of mine caught one of the boys when he was on his own, and I pushed him against the lockers and shouted "not hard now, are you, little prick!" He ran off and told the teacher that knew about the bullying and she gave me a lecture and said that I was older than him and should know better. Then she asked me how I thought he felt when I did that to him, like I was the clueless autistic who needed to be reminded that other people have feelings :roll: . So I said "well, I assumed he would have felt the same as him and his mates have been making me feel for the past year!" and I walked away. I'm sorry but I do not listen to lectures on how to have empathy and all that s**t because I know exactly how I'm making people feel, and if they deserve to be treated like s**t then that's how I'll treat them.

If I wasn't on the spectrum she probably wouldn't have even gave me that lecture.


That's insane



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,192
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

26 May 2022, 6:10 am

When I was in High School (a small day school for boys, my graduating class had fewer than 40 pupils) this one kid started bullying me a lot. I finally decided to start talking back to him. After a couple of days of that, one morning I was descending a stairwell and he was standing at the bottom. As I reached the bottom step, he slugged me in the jaw which knocked me unconscious. He got into absolutely no trouble for this. I believe he matriculated at an Ivy League university.


_________________
My WP story


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,737
Location: UK

26 May 2022, 2:13 pm

It was hard for me to find friends at school because they rejected me or at least made me feel invisible. I hung around with the other girls from my class for the first 3 years of high school but I was usually ignored, except when I had gum or candy, then they'd all ask for a piece and because I enjoyed the brief 10 seconds of being noticed I just gave them a piece each. I tagged along with them for three reasons: because they were familiar and I wanted to be in their group, because I liked them and was interested in being friends, and because being seen on my own just made me a target for bullies.

But I had no friends to walk home from school with. One time I saw two girls from my class walking home and decided it wouldn't hurt to walk with them, but I could tell they were giving each other "the look" and didn't want me there and were probably thinking "stop following us!" - even though it isn't "following" exactly, because I knew them, they were in my class, they were walking home the same route as me, and I couldn't see a reason why they didn't like me. But that's the word other girls liked to use whenever I wanted to be friends or tried to join in.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


Pteranomom
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 21 Apr 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 281

26 May 2022, 2:32 pm

Teachers don't understand the first thing about children's social dynamics. "just ignore it!" "They'll stop if you ignore them!" "be yourself!" "the bullies just have low self-esteem!" All lies. All dirty lies.



Earthbound_Alien
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,107
Location: UK

27 May 2022, 6:51 am

Joe90 wrote:
It was hard for me to find friends at school because they rejected me or at least made me feel invisible. I hung around with the other girls from my class for the first 3 years of high school but I was usually ignored, except when I had gum or candy, then they'd all ask for a piece and because I enjoyed the brief 10 seconds of being noticed I just gave them a piece each. I tagged along with them for three reasons: because they were familiar and I wanted to be in their group, because I liked them and was interested in being friends, and because being seen on my own just made me a target for bullies.

But I had no friends to walk home from school with. One time I saw two girls from my class walking home and decided it wouldn't hurt to walk with them, but I could tell they were giving each other "the look" and didn't want me there and were probably thinking "stop following us!" - even though it isn't "following" exactly, because I knew them, they were in my class, they were walking home the same route as me, and I couldn't see a reason why they didn't like me. But that's the word other girls liked to use whenever I wanted to be friends or tried to join in.


I used to hurry home to avoid being thumped

I became a very Good sprinter :D



Earthbound_Alien
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,107
Location: UK

27 May 2022, 6:51 am

being bullied has an upside apparently



Earthbound_Alien
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,107
Location: UK

27 May 2022, 6:53 am

Joe90 wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
You can’t stand up for yourself because you are the one with behavior problems.


When you have ASD you are "lacking empathy" for their feelings if you react.

I remember when these boys at school (2 years younger than me) kept bullying me on the way home from school and it went on for over a year or so. A few of the teachers were aware of this and how uncomfortable it was making me feel. Then one day me and a friend of mine caught one of the boys when he was on his own, and I pushed him against the lockers and shouted "not hard now, are you, little prick!" He ran off and told the teacher that knew about the bullying and she gave me a lecture and said that I was older than him and should know better. Then she asked me how I thought he felt when I did that to him, like I was the clueless autistic who needed to be reminded that other people have feelings :roll: . So I said "well, I assumed he would have felt the same as him and his mates have been making me feel for the past year!" and I walked away. I'm sorry but I do not listen to lectures on how to have empathy and all that s**t because I know exactly how I'm making people feel, and if they deserve to be treated like s**t then that's how I'll treat them.

If I wasn't on the spectrum she probably wouldn't have even gave me that lecture.


Boys didn't bully me often, they were nice to me when the girls were not around.

I have a soft spot for the males

girls are bitchy except a few :twisted:



Earthbound_Alien
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,107
Location: UK

27 May 2022, 7:09 am

Joe90 wrote:
It was hard for me to find friends at school because they rejected me or at least made me feel invisible. I hung around with the other girls from my class for the first 3 years of high school but I was usually ignored, except when I had gum or candy, then they'd all ask for a piece and because I enjoyed the brief 10 seconds of being noticed I just gave them a piece each. I tagged along with them for three reasons: because they were familiar and I wanted to be in their group, because I liked them and was interested in being friends, and because being seen on my own just made me a target for bullies.

But I had no friends to walk home from school with. One time I saw two girls from my class walking home and decided it wouldn't hurt to walk with them, but I could tell they were giving each other "the look" and didn't want me there and were probably thinking "stop following us!" - even though it isn't "following" exactly, because I knew them, they were in my class, they were walking home the same route as me, and I couldn't see a reason why they didn't like me. But that's the word other girls liked to use whenever I wanted to be friends or tried to join in.



it means you are not their cup of tea

find ones whom like you for yourself

you can be irritating (arnt we all) but you seem sweet, you are funny, and very well written....
bit judgemental but I will bypass that

I get that you are sensitive to things and I feel you mean well

popular is overrated sweetie



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 84,182
Location: Queens, NYC

27 May 2022, 7:43 am

I was treated like crap at school. By kids, and by teachers. But I always knew, somehow, that this wouldn't continue in adulthood.

When I graduated high school, I relegated all the bullying I endured to the past. I don't reflect on it too often.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,737
Location: UK

27 May 2022, 8:56 am

Quote:
it means you are not their cup of tea

I wasn't anybody's cup of tea.

Quote:
find ones whom like you for yourself

I do now.

Quote:
you can be irritating (arnt we all) but you seem sweet, you are funny, and very well written....
bit judgemental but I will bypass that

I'm not as judgemental as most NTs and I don't judge people to their faces, even back then I didn't. I knew how to be tactful. Having too much sympathy and tolerance for everybody without having our own opinion doesn't necessarily win you friends and can sometimes make you appear a bit of a p**** (not calling anyone that directly, I'm just saying that it's human nature to have an opinion on some things people do, as long as you don't bully them or leave them out just because of their differences). But these girls knew me since we were all 4 years old so I thought they'd be used to me by then.

Why does this site censor "p****"? What if I meant "p**** cat"?


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


Earthbound_Alien
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,107
Location: UK

27 May 2022, 12:54 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
it means you are not their cup of tea

I wasn't anybody's cup of tea.

Quote:
find ones whom like you for yourself

I do now.

Quote:
you can be irritating (arnt we all) but you seem sweet, you are funny, and very well written....
bit judgemental but I will bypass that

I'm not as judgemental as most NTs and I don't judge people to their faces, even back then I didn't. I knew how to be tactful. Having too much sympathy and tolerance for everybody without having our own opinion doesn't necessarily win you friends and can sometimes make you appear a bit of a p**** (not calling anyone that directly, I'm just saying that it's human nature to have an opinion on some things people do, as long as you don't bully them or leave them out just because of their differences). But these girls knew me since we were all 4 years old so I thought they'd be used to me by then.

Why does this site censor "p****"? What if I meant "p**** cat"?


use spaces lol



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,110
Location: England

28 May 2022, 7:08 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
Boys didn't bully me often, they were nice to me when the girls were not around.

I have a soft spot for the males

girls are bitchy except a few :twisted:


I find that in adulthood too. I find it very hard to understand other women- they seem to be always looking for ways to criticise or bring me down. Or they take everything I say the wrong way and take offence. I often find I'm getting on well with a woman, then suddenly she is glaring at me, ignoring me, saying bitchy things. I have no idea why or what I've done because they never explain or ask what I meant by whatever it was I said. I generally keep away from women.

Men however, tend to be nice to me and they are far more straightforward. I can say almost anything to them and they don't take offence.

However, men are more likely to be pervy, hassle me sexually, or assume I fancy them.

So therefore I keep away from women and men, unless I am totally sure I can trust them *shrugs*


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.