Am i on the austistic spectrum? Or am just an attention whor

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elly_owo
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12 May 2022, 3:28 pm

Hey there, i just registered because i was researching autism a bit, after my family helper pointed out that she believes i should get assessed for ASD.
I have to ask my parents for that, but i also just want to vent here. I'm a little unsure because maybe i'm just trying too hard to get attention or something like that.

From what i know, i've been quite the stay-at-home child, even in my youngest years, my mum told me my brother liked going out and talked to other babies, while i preferred to stay at home.
Later, just before kindergarden age, i remember having had a single friend that i liked, but no one interested me beyond her. I remember being super in love with dora, the tv show character. I wanted to have her movies, and play her game on the v!tech. I just remember loving her so much, and watching the few movies i had of her over and over again.
I changed kindergarden later, to a new school. One girl approached me and became my friend, and we recently, 2 years ago, celebrated our 10 years of best friend friendship. She talked to me first, but i didn't talk much to others. I remember wondering why everyone had so many friends, and why i only had one. It even led me to believe it had maybe something to do with my skin tone (i'm a bit brownish). In first grade, i wasn't with my best friend anymore, and i remember barely being "friends" with one girl, but also spent many breaks alone, walking through the school. I started to love books after i learned how to read. And i liked my teacher a lot.
In 2nd grade, a girl basically invited me into her friend group of 3, so i became friends. after 2 years, 2 of them left, and the one who invited me also has been best friends with me till today.
I became engrossed in drawing, and loved my little pony, watching the equestria girls movie over and over again in secret. i'd draw them too. Later i was introduced to monster high, and was completely with this too, getting dolls, audiobooks, posters, and playing with my friend, acting like one of them. I drew them a lot too.
I remember declining the popular elementary grade tag games, and similar things, as i just didn't like them. i let my friend have fun, but i preffered sitting and waiting for the break to be over.
With my best friend, we'd have traditions as to how our afternoon together after school would look like, so eating, doing homework, admiring the trash outside while talking, and then playing a card game with modified rules for the rest of the day, so a long time. I loved it.

I changed schools again, to middle school. Finding friends was hard. I thought my appearance was a problem. I would stay with the girl i knew, and also made some unstable toxic friendships, but stopped pretty soon. There was a certain girl in my class that seemed to be liked by everyone. I thought that, i should become like her, so them people would take an interest in me. I realised i couldn't, because i don't have her face, and realised the people around her were also well liked. My 11 year old brain thought, that if i compliment her often enough, we'd become friends. Sike, it didn't work like that. I continued rereading books, dreaming about them, thinking about them, imagining a life in this alternate universe. I mostly read fantasy books. I still love them so much i can't describe how much i love them, i want to eat these books and make them a part of me, that's how much.

When we went into the shops in france, i'd rush to the book section and bury myself in books for the day, looking for the perfect one and enjoying my time.

Time went by, i was diagnosed with depression and got a therapist, due to family issues. This is a long complicated story, so i won't explain that.
I became friends with a certain person i met through a toxic friend i then ditched. We are friends to this day. She introduced me to anime and kpop, and i still UGH CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THESE. At school, i'd spend my entire time with her, routinely doing the same things during breaks, and sometimes coming over to her home. My mental health got worse. I was later rediagnosed with depression and social phobia. My friend had to move, so from 10th grade on, i was alone. Since then, i'm in 11th grade, i haven't been able to make friends.

Not only is it confusing, but most people just didn't interest me. They all just looked bland and not worth investing into. OH also from 9th grade on, i started playing JRPGs, getting attached to fictional characters and universes once again, i STILL LOVE THEM AND MISS THEM AAAAH I WANNA SEE THEM AGAIN .
I remember talking through entire breaks stuffing my friend with storylines, battle systems, character development and whatnot. Online texting too, i wouldn't shut up about it.

Well enough about my past, i told a stupid amount of stuff, i'm sorry.

Nowadays, i spend my breaks in the school toilet, and wear earplugs as a recommendation from the school counselor, it helps with fatigue after school. I do not like standing in the huge crowd of eleven graders, talking about pointless topics. I even feel worse after than before. I am still lonely though. I am forbidden from playing games, it's been 1½ years, and i genuinely miss my fictional friends ... :(
I don't have trouble intentifying people's emotions on their face, probably due to my very high visual IQ that got tested at a university hospital, i just can't figure out their intentions.
Recently, i got invited to my best friends birthday party. It was a real party, flashing lights, music, alcohol. It was horrible, my earplugs saved me. When i tried leaving the crowd, people would urge me back. I tried drinkign, it was horrible. At roughly 0.50am i started tearing up from whatnot, and decided that i had to go home, and called my dad out of his sleep to get me.
In the car he scolded me for apparently having been rude to the boy escorting me out. I don't understand how.
At home, i broke down in tears and loud baby cries. I was just so overwhelmed, it was so much so so much too much. Even just thinking about that moment again makes me overwhelmed. The next morning too, i broke down again because my dad talked to me for too long.
My brother keeps telling i have no humour, and says that i don't understand jokes or his sarcasm. I reply with serious answers, and then he does "damn why are you so 1st degree", being a french expression, meaning why so serious.
I don't understand the point of teasing and joking, and get genuinely mad at them.
When i'm happy i jump around, make weird noises and squish the air. I often make noises to express myself. Going from slight noise of deception to an R2-D2 like scream when i'm excited.
Social interaction is a mystery to me. I try to understand when to smile, be friendly, and pretend to be interested or nice, when i'm not and would rather just ignore them or be honest, but people don't like that. I don't like hurting people.

Anyways i talked a lot and lost track of what i said or not, but here it is. ALSO OH MY GOOOOOD I LOVE KAKASHI FROM NARUTO AND ALL PERSONA 5 CHARACTERS AND AND AND AAAAH I JUST HAVE TO SHARE!!
So yeah, i'm happy to get feedback ig. I'm weird i'm sorry. My love for books and their universes is unchanged. Love for anime and kpop too. And games. Just fictional characters. They're so much more reliable than real friends. So nice and love you no matter what dialogue option you choose!



Last edited by elly_owo on 12 May 2022, 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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12 May 2022, 3:33 pm

No one here is qualified to render an accurate and official diagnosis on-line.  I suggest you consult an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional instead.



elly_owo
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12 May 2022, 3:35 pm

Fnord wrote:
No one here is qualified to render an accurate and official diagnosis on-line.  I suggest you consult an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional instead.


i know, and i clearly wasn't asking for an official diagnosis??? where in my text did i say that? i'm just sharing, is that not okay? i'm just venting and want other people's opinion. I'm not stupid enough to believe anyone can diagnose anyone over a forum post.



klanka
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12 May 2022, 3:47 pm

Quote:
Nowadays, i spend my breaks in the school toilet,


I did that when I was 16 strangely enough.
I was in Senior School (High School) up until 16 and played with my friends in the playground, but when I turned 16 it was a new college, so I did just go to the toilets or library during some breaks...mostly the library.
I didn't like doing it , but just had to hide away.



elly_owo
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12 May 2022, 3:53 pm

klanka wrote:
Quote:
Nowadays, i spend my breaks in the school toilet,


I did that when I was 16 strangely enough.
I was in Senior School (High School) up until 16 and played with my friends in the playground, but when I turned 16 it was a new college, so I did just go to the toilets or library during some breaks...mostly the library.
I didn't like doing it , but just had to hide away.


Wow it's a first meeting somebody that did the same! For me the toilet is just familiar and everyone minds their business, except a few asking if i'm okay. It's quieter than outside and and and a lot less hard to live when i'm there, compared to the huge crowd of 11th graders i should be in. i can use my phone to search stuff about anime or kpop, read and take off that mask for a bit to breathe the cold air.

Thanks for replying, i'm happy that i'm not alone :)



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12 May 2022, 4:01 pm

There are many people here who feel similar to you. You are not alone.



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12 May 2022, 4:02 pm

First of all, I know I don't speak for every single member of Wrong Planet, but you will find a welcoming presence of people who understand your feelings of being someone who is on the spectrum.

I joined Wrong Planet when I was 16 and this website has been great ever since. :)


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klanka
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12 May 2022, 4:03 pm

It does feel a bit vindicating that I'm not the only one who's done it :D

I was happy socialising in the playground up until 15 cos the topics of conversation were nerdy like Super Nintendo vs Sega Genesis

But when I went to the college, all of sudden it switched so you could only talk about cool things like music. It took me almost a year to find people in the college who wanted to talk about Super Nintendo :)

There were no smartphones then so I just went to the toilet to not have to sit alone in public, and take a break.

Most of the time I was reading film magazines in the library.

Im quite shocked someone else does that, as I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the college doing it :D



AnonymousAnonymous
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12 May 2022, 4:08 pm

However, I have a pair of bigoted uncles who believe the spectrum isn't real, that the only way for a man to truly "man up" (spectrum and NT alike) is to enlist in the US Armed Forces (which is something I'm glad I never did, mind you) and that the only way for a woman to be truly happy is to settle down before doing anything else. :evil:


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Pteranomom
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12 May 2022, 5:19 pm

elly_owo wrote:
klanka wrote:
Quote:
Nowadays, i spend my breaks in the school toilet,


I did that when I was 16 strangely enough.
I was in Senior School (High School) up until 16 and played with my friends in the playground, but when I turned 16 it was a new college, so I did just go to the toilets or library during some breaks...mostly the library.
I didn't like doing it , but just had to hide away.


Wow it's a first meeting somebody that did the same! :)

My son used to hide in the school bathroom for hours every day back in 1st grade (he's homeschooled, now.)



naturalplastic
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13 May 2022, 12:01 am

@ elly-owo
Only a qualified trained specialist can determine whether or not you are an "attention whore". :lol:

I would recommend Paris Hilton, Mike Lindell (the pillow guy), or anyone involved with the Kardashian sisters, who are all qualified because "it takes one to know one".

But seriously-

I would say: that it's worth it for you to look into it, and to get a real mental health professional to test you for aspergers, or autism. You dont have to apologize for being concerned about it.



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13 May 2022, 1:41 am

elly_owo wrote:
dang it, i posted this and now the comment section is full talking about my title :roll:


You did nothing wrong, and have nothing to apologize for. To most folks it was obvious what you meant. What you meant was that "I am a right to be concerned about whether or not I am on the ASD spectrum?"



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15 May 2022, 8:37 am

 ! Cornflake wrote:
Several off-topic posts debating the OP's supposed intentions in creating this thread have been removed.

I'm aware if the difficulties encountered through being literal but sometimes, it's better to just hold back and not make it a derailing art-form. :wink:


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15 May 2022, 11:49 am

I hope that, in your research, you found this quiz. (Note: They do not require you to register.) The quiz can't give you an official assessment but you might still find it interesting.


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jimmy m
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15 May 2022, 5:55 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet. It is a little hard to tell but it sounds like you might be one of us. We are a wide assortment of different types. Some of us are just trying to find out our way in life. So if I have any advice to give you it is the following:

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF


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Lilith_12
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05 Jun 2022, 3:53 pm

Hi i've been doing some research into autism since my science teacher pointed it out to me and i share some traits, even scored medium-high on tests, but i still feel i'm not autistic enough to be really autistic. Is there anyone who can help me sort this out?