Friendships with the opposite sex

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Pepe, I don't mind your posts at all

I tend to find that where I struggle is when I don't have emotional context. For example, judging how someone is feeling purely based on tone. I generally base how I think someone might be feeling on what I know about them. So if know they really hate clowns and then they unexpectedly proclaim that they love clowns, I conclude that they're most likely being sarcastic.

However, I'd struggle to tell this if I didn't know how they felt about clowns and if I had to base it on their tone. I also have issues with my own tone and communicating the emotion that I wish to communicate. Especially enthusiasm. I sometimes sound uninterested even when I'm talking about subjects I'm majorly interested in and this can be an issue. Enthusiasm is not something that comes naturally to me and I have to fake it to an extent. To the point where my friends have a joke that if I ever show enthusiasm then it's a sign the world is ending.

Generally I find that it's a difficult emotion to emulate. I'm not really a bubbly energetic person. This can be misread as a complete lack of interest. So there is an element of faking it when I receive gifts or need to present / be interviewed. It can be tricky since if I go overboard then it just comes across as sarcastic. Visual prompts definitely help, so if I'm talking about an interest I like to show examples.

However, I've never really had an issue with relating to others and I don't find it overwhelming. When I understand the emotional context behind how someone might be feeling, I'm usually fairly accurate in my guesses. During times when I am overwhelmed sensory wise, I can sometimes act in ways that sabotage myself and my connections. It makes my thinking fuzzy and I have to isolate and rest for a while otherwise I tend to snap at people.

I have a similar issue with expressing emotion. My mother said I got my father's "reserved" nature in regards to this. But ironically enough, I sometimes get accused of appearing angry or sad when I don't feel that way at all but I am deep in concentration. I also have issues with regulating the volume of my voice either it's too soft and noone can hear me or too high because I am speaking passionately about a topic. To myself, I sound normal though.

I can often figure out how someone is feeling based on what they say and their demeanor. If I am not certain though, I just ask questions that may clue me in. But you are right, it can be exhausting.

Sorry … PePe , did not mean to offend , it wasn’t meant as a bad comment …. I admire one off , people
You seem to bring a hint of entertainment to WP .

My problem with people stems from two main areas.
1. Being treated as though I have low intelligence.
2. Being concerned about saying the wrong (or simply being too honest) thing and being misrepresented.

I suspect the difference between us is that I have a very bad case of executive dysfunction, and have difficulty retrieving information from my "data bank", in addition, to processing real-time information to fit the present conversation.
Hence, my preference for forum type communication.

I suspect your executive dysfunction, if you have any at all, may be much less severe than mine, making you a more effective communicator, overall, than I am, which in turn reduces the emotional conflict/mess that has to be cleaned up.

As you can see, I am brilliant. The smartest skunk on this website. Ignore the fact that I am the *only* skunk on this website.
In real-time situations, people just can't see it, so I say "f**k it" and avoid most people most of the time.
Reason prevails.

I have precisely the same problem.
There was a time I deliberately put on a slight smile, but I can never keep that up and have given this away altogether.

I also had the volume "problem".

I am extremely good at picking up body language and find it amusing how people view me without their realisation of how transparent they are.
I don't manipulate the situation. I merely *observe* what is happening.

When I was much younger, I would allow people's opinions of me to direct my behaviour, often adopting their false perceptions of me.
That no longer happens now that I have regained my proactivity/independence and refuse to pander to their expectations any longer.

"Russian warship, go f**k yourself."

I guess I get on better with women than with men, though I'm rather picky about friends even though in theory I should have more contact with people than I currently have. I don't get on well with anybody who comes over as too gender-binary (the "look at me, I'm so masculine / I'm so feminine" thing). I prefer men who don't mind showing their "feminine" side (sensitivity, courtesy, art appreciation, vulnerability etc.) and women who don't mind showing their "masculine" side (intelligence, practical clothes, interest in technical matters, toughness, independent thinking). I'd probably have a lot more to do with women than I do, but we live in a mostly monogamous society and there's often this anxiety about the risk of things getting sexual and threatening people's partners, which probably gets in the way of social intimacy. It's not often talked about at the time but I think there's often an awareness that lines may be getting crossed. So it's often simpler with heterosexual men. But overall I've usually found women easier to relate to and talk with, though there have been some notable exceptions.

though there have been some notable exceptions :

When I grow up hope to be one of these

I have a better time with female friendships, but that might be because of my personal traumas. Also, may taste in male friends is awful lol. They all like to make me upset.

Are you going to University now, Ivpin?

I have found that NT T males/females are forgiving of quirks so long as they are in the lust stage of the relationship.
As for males, generally, are forgiving of quirks so long as the female has sex with them one to two times a day.



Soooo my first post in several years....
Apparently I read "friendships" as "relationships."


Umm whoops. Not gonna delete this post, just add on. Heh.
Perhaps I wanted to comment on relationships.

Nope, not yet. I'm applying next year so end of 2023 I hopefully will be. At the moment I'm working in a mental health centre in the meantime

That’s pretty good!

^^^^ good on you ^^^^

I do think I let friends influence my behavior or mannerisms even when I was young. The need for acceptance was so strong then I was more willing to make compromises with myself for it. Now I don't care. It's too exhausting keeping up such charades.