SpiralingCrow wrote:
I don't tend to discuss relationship issues with friends. If there is problem, I discuss it with my boyfriend and we work through it as couple. In the past other people have discussed their relationship issues with me but not so much the other way around. Perhaps that's why those friendships did not last, because it was not reciprocal.
I probably misused the word "issues." It would seem pretty indiscreet and perhaps reckless to divulge actual current serious partner problems to just anybody, though if the problems had become overwhelming then it must be a great help to share them with a responsible, patient and wise friend. I suppose the fact that relationship counsellors exist suggests that such friends don't grow on trees. But I was more meaning relationship issues in the sense of general relationship observations, without naming names. I get the feeling that a lot of people struggle to understand relationships in general and for some reason I've found that women are less squeamish about taking an interest in the subject, and men have often seemed like they'd rather avoid it apart from a few indelicate comments.
I've known both genders to air their prejudices (both in general and about their partners) as if they want the listener to reinforce them though. I don't know if it's a NT thing. When I've been on the receiving end I've been loathe to give them that reinforcement, I've preferred to offer them what I see as a fairer and more objective point of view, if I can think of one. If they don't like it, I guess it means we're on different wavelengths. Sometimes when they're obviously upset by their plight at the hands of the opposite sex I've just let them rant, and tried to pick up on what feelings they're indirectly expressing and to respond in a helpful way. I guess I tend to assume they're eventually going to try to resolve their problems, but I've known some folks seem content to just express themselves indirectly and perpetuate their conflicts and negativity. If they're happy with such an unhealthy way, I just find it hard to respect them. Sometimes the matter gets too complicated for me to be of much help.