I'm so impulsive

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I've been invited for an appointment to discuss ADHD medication and I'm not sure I want to or not, as I like some of my ADHD traits and it makes me who I am (unlike Asperger's).

But one thing that makes me socially awkward the most is giving in to impulses. I can be very impulsive. I notice and understand body language in a flash and I know how to react to it correctly - but because I'm impulsive, I choose to ignore it and carry on doing what I'm doing.

For example this morning me and my boyfriend were waiting for someone outside their house, and I felt a bit restless waiting, so I kept having an urge to kiss my boyfriend. It was obvious to me that he didn't want to keep being kissed - I recognised that - but I still tried to impulsively kiss him again, until he said "not out in public, please." I'm not sure if there's a social taboo about kissing too much in public, but that's a different topic.

I get more impulsive when I'm restless. But sometimes it can make me look like I don't know social cues when I do. My instinct told me "don't kiss him any more here, he obviously doesn't want to/isn't in the mood", but my impulses told me "go on, keep trying to kiss him until he gives in and kisses you back again".

If I did go on meds for ADHD, will it make me less impulsive and be more socially appropriate? I don't want meds to affect my sleep or my digestion though, as I already have irregular sleep and digestion patterns that are unrelated to my lifestyle. I find impulses SO hard to resist.

My experience on stimulants for combined ADHD:

PROS

They helped calm my PTSD because my mind wasn't racing as much.
It didn't change my personality or my quirkiness in any other noticeable way.
I'm still my same goofy self.
I still have anxiety, depression, trauma, etc. but the edges are softer.
I don't need my SSRI anymore, even though I'm allowed to take it if I want.
They added to me but didn't take any of the good parts away.
I feel more alert and alive (as opposed to crushing fatigue and reclusion).
I can make more decisions and plans.
I can think in a more linear way instead of scrambled eggs.
I'm better at starting things instead of procrastinating.
I'm much better at finishing tasks instead of leaving things half-done.
I can tell when I'm hungry vs. full, or sleepy vs. awake -- improved Interoception.
Prior to meds, everything was just a blur. The meds feel like a window cleaner.


CONS
In the very beginning (2020) they activated a lot of dormant emotions.
It took a few months to find the right dose and let my emotions settle.
(I think this ^ was a healing process though, and very therapeutic).

OVERALL

I always think they aren't helping until I go a day without, and then it's unbearable.
Without them I'm hit with debilitating exhaustion and brain fog.
I didn't notice how bad the exhaustion and fog were prior to starting them.
I don't know how I survived my whole life like that.
They help my ADHD but there's no way they touch my ASD. (Sorry I know you hate ASD).

IMPULSE
Yes, for me they help me to relax a bit and think things through.

Did you look up the side effects of the meds?

For example antidepressants make it difficult for me to do complex things on a computer, can give me dry mouth,and sometimes keep me up all night. So ADHD meds might not be good. It's worth researching.

Thank you for your input.

I worry about placebo, as I'm a huge sucker for placebo.
It takes me an extremely long time to actually decide to go on meds. I hesitated to go on antidepressants for about 4 years before I decided to - because the rage outbursts I kept having were getting out of hand. I still have my moments of course, but I do have some control over how I express negative emotions like anger. The antidepressants don't make me feel less anxious though, and I still get bouts of depression.

This would do me a world of good, as I spend a lot of time thinking about my PTSD (my teenage years kind of traumatized me).