Mentioning ASD Around Family Is Weird

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Yesterday I had to do my therapy appointment via the phone while me and my aunt were on the way home from work. I don't mind my aunt hearing what I have to say, and she didn't mind being in the car during it, but me and my therapist were talking about my autism the whole time and it was really weird.

I just find talking about having autism around my dad's side of the family hard to do because my dad still uses the term "Asperger's", tries to control what I say about it and how I talk about having it, and says that autism is all just "ret*d kids rocking in a corner" and that we don't have autism, just Asperger's. He also refuses to accept any sensory issues, social issues, etc. I have and acts like having "Asperger's" is just all positives and no negatives. He even was reluctant to let me get assessed at 16 when he found out I would be diagnosed with ASD instead.

Recently though I stopped using the term "Asperger's" around my dad's family, especially because I have a 7 y.o. cousin with autism and I don't want to perpetuate my dad's insecure BS while around her. My aunt doesn't seem to have an issue with it, but it's still weird because I know she has minimal experience with autistic people, and I can't be sure if she really gets that "Asperger's" and autism are the same thing since my dad acts like they aren't. I feel like some people in my dad's side of the family don't think I have "autism" and are bothered when I mention having it.

My aunt did insist on watching Atypical with me awhile ago and I noticed her attitude changed towards me a bit afterwards (not in a bad way), so maybe she understands autism a bit better now and is "getting" that I have it. She's been more patient with me and doesn't act as weird when I mention having ASD, but it's still odd for me to talk about it or issues I have with it...

Yep....watching "atypical" probably changed your aunt's attitude.

Have your dad and aunt ever read the DSM so they can see how autism is defined?
That might be a good way for them to focus on the reality, instead of stereotypes or media portrayals.

Have you or your family ever watched Parenthood?
It has a really good storyline about a family having their son assessed, and the family's reaction.
The father has a really hard time accepting it.
(Plus it's a great show all around.)

I'm the opposite from you in this thread, because I actually feel weird saying I have autism instead of saying I have Asperger's. I know autism means everything nowadays but to me it just feels weird calling myself autistic.

Autism reminds me of clever people with restrictive interests, visibly stim a lot, can't express their feelings and don't make eye contact. After all, those traits are common among autistic people and I don't think the autism spectrum should stretch much further because soon everyone will be somewhere on the spectrum and then our difficulties or differences will become meaningless, which is what most autistic people don't want (not including me).

I think Asperger's should define those of us who are "in between" neurotypical and autism, who have symptoms that present themselves in very complex ways that aren't exactly how they're listed in the autism diagnosis criteria but still somehow enough to qualify for a diagnosis. Or, better yet, take people like that off the autism spectrum...too ambitious maybe...?

I don't know about this one... I never talk about it to my family, nor I talk of any concern I may have at all. Been in therapy since I was like 8 or something, yet nobody told me anything about my ASD up until age 15 or so when a substitute for my regular therapist (who was ill or something) told me about it (and yes, that was written in my clinic history, it was there for years). My mother acted like if she didn't know anything about it, but I don't buy it. After years and years I could fish out of her she was told I wouldn't have or need many friends and such things, that's why I know she was told about it. Much later she also told me about an article about "people like me" failing at university, too bad she read about it BEFORE I went to uni and told me AFTER. Still blames me for everything that happend.

Still after doing my own research and being 99% convinced about it, she pushed back to that idea, she kept telling me I was normal and nothing else. I know how that went, and it was bad. Now she acknowledges it, it took me 6 or 7 years yet she insist on not telling anyone "just in case", "nobody needs to know", etc. I know she still thinks ASD is a bad thing with nothing positive. My father seemingly couldn't be bothered to do a 5 minutes google search about it. My sister and I never talked about it, but she constantly jokes about me being different but never in a bad way.

For the rest of the family, I've never told anyone other than a cousin, not because of my mother, but because I don't think anyone has done anything that makes me think that would make a difference or would help, actually, the contrary may be true.

So yeah, as a result, I trust nobody, I deal with my issues myself, posting here at WP, my therapist or just surviving it, I don't talk about it, and if anything, I'm treated like I'm normal. I'd say it is weird to talk about ASD with the family, at least that's my experience.

Now, your situation seems even worse than mine. I can keep silence about the topic, but with your little cousin being ASD, you knowing Asperger and ASD is the same and that lack of general knowledge on the family side... I don't know, I'd prefer silence and nobody talking about it or a group therapy were your family learns what ASD actually is and why it is a spectrum. But then again, that could make things much worse than they are, I know it would for me so no. Actually I don't even know why I wrote such a dumb idea.

Let's agree it is weird to talk about it, "I feel ya bro"

I'm sorry you have to work around so much noise, H of H.

That must be difficult.