Effects of Aspergers Syndrome on Phone Calls

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How do you handle phone calls today?
Great 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Good 38%  38%  [ 13 ]
Not so good 29%  29%  [ 10 ]
Bad 15%  15%  [ 5 ]
Terrible 15%  15%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 34

FleaOfTheChill
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20 May 2022, 1:43 pm

I've been putting off getting my tie rods fixed for about a month now because I didn't want to have to call places and talk to people. :lol: I finally made the call today, after about five hours of stalling...which came after three days of preparing to make the call today. But I did it, so yay to me, I suppose.

There are times I don't mind the phone. If my one daughter who lives out of town calls, for example, I'll pick up and gladly speak with her. That doesn't stress me out. But in general, if I have to pass on some info or whatever, I'll text instead of call and I prefer it when people do the same. It doesn't occur to me to call someone and ask how they are or talk for the sake of talking. I know some people like talking on the phone, but it's not really my thing. I'm not a phone person, and ignore the thing whenever possible. I mostly find it to be more stress than benefit to me.



Noamx
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21 May 2022, 1:18 am

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

Well yeah, I hear where you all are coming from, and it can be quite diverse to be honest. The ability to talk on the phone efficiently depends on many things, but mostly about what person you are talking to. When its someone you dont know its easier to become more nervous or lacking confidence than if its someone you know. Its basically because most of the time, the lack of knowledge of how the other person will speak with you creates an uncertainty which leads to this avoidance of strangers on the phone. Basically, if its someone you dont know you prefer not to talk to that person, because if you do, you might end up in an unpleasant situation which you want to avoid. But many times, its not necessarily a bad person and jumping to the conclusion it is a bad person without talking ot them first could be a big mistake. It might not be a big loss anyways because, many unknown callers tend to offer things you wouldnt be interested in anyways. If its about something important or coudl be important, I think its better off to answer and atleast ask what they want to talk about or what they need from you. Something like that. Yeah, its not always easy to do that, but I think, its better off to do that kind of thing than avoid the person without hearing what they have to say.

About making a phone call yourself, to someone else, I think its better off to know beforehand what you are calling for, and what you need to ask / talk about with the person you are calling. You will be more prepared that way, and avoid an unpleasant situation with someone you dont know. In the end, you can always end the call if you feel uncomfortable. The red "end call" button is useful, and is many times ignored. I think, I wouldnt be uncomfortable ending a call with someone even if they didnt want to end it. ITs my phone, my world, my hands, my feelings. I decide what I do with it. If I want to end a call, I have a right to. You know? So yeah, for me personally, there are many solutions to these kind of problems, and its easy to deal with some problems more than you think, actually.


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ToughDiamond
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21 May 2022, 2:38 am

^
Yes I'd agree with all that. Probably not surprising that we're a tad more wary of unpredictable social encounters than the average person is, and we probably make too much of the dangers, though it's important not to over-compensate because those dangers can be real. There are times when there's a risk of saying something quite damaging that can't be unsaid, e.g. to the police. But it's probably rare that a fatal mistake can be made.

One sneaky trick for ending a call that's going wrong (e.g. they've asked a question that you're not ready to answer, and not answering it will arouse suspicion in a way that will impact badly on you) - rather than aggressively and honestly hanging up, start your answer and then cut the call while you're doing that. They'll think the connection broke by accident. If you really don't want to talk to them again till you've had time to think, turn off your phone for a while. Not necessary if the other person is just a relatively powerless pest of course, but there's a saying "never slam a door," meaning you never know that you won't later need help from the person you've just offended.



JustFoundHere
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28 May 2022, 2:32 pm

Even though email (and using the Internet to find important info.) are the preffered from of communications, telephone communications are 'good' most of the time.



Suzyb
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28 May 2022, 4:21 pm

I am okay now but I never used to be.

At age 19 I went to work in a call centre for a bank. One day I was told I needed extra training and I could not believe it because I thought I was highly intelligent and could not possibly be rubbish at the job. I was undiagnosed.

Anyway, I was told I had no empathy, a monotone voice, no listening noises, no off the cuff reponses, no call control and if you told me something really tragic about your life, I would not respond. I did in my head but not verbally and moved the customer back to business. The list went on.

So, I underwent extensive training and now I have all those aspects on a call. I have standard greetings, a varied tone of voice and a set list of phrases that I will use in response on most calls, a bit like a robot but it works. Even better, I have mastered the technique of ensuring a call is the shortest time possible. Looking back, I have no idea where I would be without that training.



Radish
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28 May 2022, 4:31 pm

Suzyb wrote:
I am okay now but I never used to be.

At age 19 I went to work in a call centre for a bank...


I can relate. At age 18 I took a summer job in a huge supermarket processing invoices before I went on to Uni, until the fateful day they decided to stick me on the switchboard. The place had four incoming lines and around 20 internal telephones and it was my job to take incoming calls and put them through to the relevant people etc. One day a call came in from head office and the guy asked for the manager. I buzzed through to the manager and told him such a person was on the line for him from head office. He said "I'm not in." So I connected back to head office and said in a manner of fact tone "He says he's not in." There was silence on the line for a while then the guy exploded shouting that someone or other would hear about this! Thankfully my temp job finished there a couple of days later or I'd probably have got fired. :lol:


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jimmy m
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28 May 2022, 4:49 pm

In general I am quick and to the point. As a result my conversations are short but I get my message out.


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CockneyRebel
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28 May 2022, 7:57 pm

I hate phoning companies with a passion. I have an unusual accent for someone born in Canada and sometimes I have to repeat myself multiple times.


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autisticelders
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29 May 2022, 5:13 am

I have scripts for many kinds of phone calls. Talking on the phone has become somewhat easier now I know many scripts or situations and understand what is expected. It took until my 30s to have a little less anxiety each time the phone rings. I would shut it off except that I have the care of a family member who has sudden emergencies any time of night or day and needs support. I have anxiety every time the phone rings these days, wondering if it is another emergency. "regular" phone calls are easier by far and so I have come to dread them less. I think kids and anxious adults need to spend some time role playing (autistic individuals more than others maybe) to help understand the give and take, the expected responses, the manners and demeanor expected, etc. good topic for discussion.


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