Page 2 of 2 [ 29 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,583
Location: my own little world

21 May 2022, 7:58 am

PassingThrough wrote:
Is there a particular place where this social bullying tends to happen? I'm guessing at work or with family.
it happens everywhere and can happen with anyone. I am no longer able to work. I even get treated this way by doctors, therapists, customer service reps in companies, total strangers, family, even good friends who are well intended. Most people are not bullies and social predators. They just don't realize that they intuitively immediately class someone socially and begin to dominate when they identify you as socially weaker. That is why it happens all the time. The more socially vulnerable you are, the more socially driven people do this even if they are not actually bullies. And since the majority of nt population is socially driven, therein lies the problem. It can come from anyone. That is one reason it is so incredibly difficult to avoid.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,250
Location: Cardiff, Wales

21 May 2022, 8:15 am

skibum wrote:
klanka wrote:
skibum wrote:
Thank you for your kind words. But this is different. I am extremely eloquent. I don't tend to make mistakes in conversations. This isn't about my lack of conversational skills. This is about my inability to tolerate people being nonsensical, abusive, manipulative, and petty in conversations. It is also about me having a hard time tolerating shallow, pointless chit chat.


It depends, if you have a job where you encounter that type of thing?
If not then you could have a fun time just saying 'well sorry, but that's petty so I'm not getting involved in that'
I've said that myself to people and it feels alright.
Thank you. I am no longer capable of having a job. I am too neurologically damaged. Your idea is great. I would love to be able to have a clever comeback like that. The problem with me is that I can't recognize what is happening in the moment. My brain processing speed is too slow. So I usually don't really understand what happened in such a conversation until hours or days later. Sometimes I have no idea what socially happened in an interaction until my therapist explains it to me. And that could be a week or more later. In fact, I just understood about a time where I was socially bullied so severely that it would be considered criminally torturous. This happened twenty four years ago. I just happened to mention it to my therapist friend because I just happened to have the PTSD flashbacks that day. This conversation happened with my therapist friend last week. He had to explain to me how severely bullied I had been and so much so that it qualified as socially torturous. The damage that situation did to me was massive but I had no idea what was happening in the moment and I never even understood it until it was explained point by point almost 25 years later.

My friend told me that an nt would have recognized the social bullying immediately and all hell would have broken lose. But because I am so socially retarded, I simply have no ability to protect myself in a situation like that. I am as vulnerable as a toddler facing a predator.


Oh I see what you mean , I've had similar stuff happen in school and marriage. Torturous stuff like someone talking on the phone to someone in front of me..but choosing to talk about topics that bother me on purpose. This was done in the car so I couldn't get away.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,583
Location: my own little world

21 May 2022, 8:23 am

I am also noticing that if people ask me to do something unexpected, that can also be debilitating even if it's a small thing. This is a very new challenge for me and it is caused by neurological and social fatigue and burnout. It doesn't even have to be an unfair or unreasonable request. Just the fact that it forces my brain to switch certain gears can be too much. For example, I just called my parents to talk to my mom. I called their land line and my dad answered. My dad is blind and has mobility issues so he asked me to call mom back on her cell phone since she was upstairs and it would be to difficult for him to bring the phone to her or to yell loudly enough for her to hear him to come down.

That is a totally reasonable request which I am more than happy to grant, but switching the gears in my brain to change tracks and call her cellphone instead, knocked me so severely and drained my energy so much that I have to take a nap first before I can do it.

So it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to do almost anything now but I can't qualify for help of any kind. Even my case workers and social workers refuse to help me do anything.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Last edited by skibum on 21 May 2022, 8:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,583
Location: my own little world

21 May 2022, 8:25 am

klanka wrote:
skibum wrote:
klanka wrote:
skibum wrote:
Thank you for your kind words. But this is different. I am extremely eloquent. I don't tend to make mistakes in conversations. This isn't about my lack of conversational skills. This is about my inability to tolerate people being nonsensical, abusive, manipulative, and petty in conversations. It is also about me having a hard time tolerating shallow, pointless chit chat.


It depends, if you have a job where you encounter that type of thing?
If not then you could have a fun time just saying 'well sorry, but that's petty so I'm not getting involved in that'
I've said that myself to people and it feels alright.
Thank you. I am no longer capable of having a job. I am too neurologically damaged. Your idea is great. I would love to be able to have a clever comeback like that. The problem with me is that I can't recognize what is happening in the moment. My brain processing speed is too slow. So I usually don't really understand what happened in such a conversation until hours or days later. Sometimes I have no idea what socially happened in an interaction until my therapist explains it to me. And that could be a week or more later. In fact, I just understood about a time where I was socially bullied so severely that it would be considered criminally torturous. This happened twenty four years ago. I just happened to mention it to my therapist friend because I just happened to have the PTSD flashbacks that day. This conversation happened with my therapist friend last week. He had to explain to me how severely bullied I had been and so much so that it qualified as socially torturous. The damage that situation did to me was massive but I had no idea what was happening in the moment and I never even understood it until it was explained point by point almost 25 years later.

My friend told me that an nt would have recognized the social bullying immediately and all hell would have broken lose. But because I am so socially retarded, I simply have no ability to protect myself in a situation like that. I am as vulnerable as a toddler facing a predator.


Oh I see what you mean , I've had similar stuff happen in school and marriage. Torturous stuff like someone talking on the phone to someone in front of me..but choosing to talk about topics that bother me on purpose. This was done in the car so I couldn't get away.
That is so horrible that they would treat you that way. :heart:


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,503

21 May 2022, 8:54 am

skibum wrote:
I am also noticing that if people ask me to do something unexpected, that can also be debilitating even if it's a small thing. This is a very new challenge for me and it is caused by neurological and social fatigue and burnout. It doesn't even have to be an unfair or unreasonable request. Just the fact that it forces my brain to switch certain gears can be too much. For example, I just called my parents to talk to my mom. I called their land line and my dad answered. My dad is blind and has mobility issues so he asked me to call mom back on her cell phone since she was upstairs and it would be to difficult for him to bring the phone to her or to yell loudly enough for her to hear him to come down.

That is a totally reasonable request which I am more than happy to grant, but switching the gears in my brain to change tracks and call her cellphone instead, knocked me so severely and drained my energy so much that I have to take a nap first before I can do it.



I know what you are talking about well! The last burnout stage I hit was like that and it was frightening and the more I needed to do nothing the more others who were thinking they were trying to help kept trying to get me involved in things as they were fearful that I would stagnate because they did not understand... And the more they were trying to force me into situations that I had to do things the less I was able to do because I was such a mess, and it reached the point a few times where I was getting shutdowns just for someone suggesting something or very small things... Why my Mum thinks is could be a breakdown.
Problem is until I am assessed, to work out what else has been happening (As in if I was hitting burnouts or breakdowns) will have to wait as they don't know when I will be assessed.

But yes. I know how very little unexpected things can hit! Just the small things can trigger an overload...



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,250
Location: Cardiff, Wales

21 May 2022, 8:59 am

Thanks, just imagine if your dog died then someone gets on the phone in front of you and talks about dogs for forty minutes, while you're in the car with them . done on purpose.

(My issue wasn't dogs, that's just an example, but the incident actually happened.)

I assume similar happened to you



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,808

21 May 2022, 9:09 am

Lately I have been feeling the same way too

24 finished college

Live alone

Unemployed for a long time

Now I work part time as a lot attendant

Not much conversation necessary

Day laborers and customers sometimes have the nerve to ask if I speak English

Which I find it hard to imagine they would ask if I appeared white

Their question is not necessarily racist

And even if they were, I could not ban them from the store because I don't have that authority

I could tattle to the manager but the manager might be on the day laborers side

Everyone has subconscious biases

Besides even if they do get banned nothing prevents them from coming back

But frequently they are just bothering me and zero conversation necessary

My slave plantation is in the middle of a homeless encampment

The slave plantation allows day laborers and homeless to loiter around all day long and frequent the litterbox

Otherwise the job would be a good job
________________

Communication euphemism for noise pollution

The more communication the more miscommunication



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,583
Location: my own little world

21 May 2022, 4:55 pm

klanka wrote:
Thanks, just imagine if your dog died then someone gets on the phone in front of you and talks about dogs for forty minutes, while you're in the car with them . done on purpose.

(My issue wasn't dogs, that's just an example, but the incident actually happened.)

I assume similar happened to you
I am so sorry that people did that to you. :heart:


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,583
Location: my own little world

21 May 2022, 4:56 pm

:heart:

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Lately I have been feeling the same way too

24 finished college

Live alone

Unemployed for a long time

Now I work part time as a lot attendant

Not much conversation necessary

Day laborers and customers sometimes have the nerve to ask if I speak English

Which I find it hard to imagine they would ask if I appeared white

Their question is not necessarily racist

And even if they were, I could not ban them from the store because I don't have that authority

I could tattle to the manager but the manager might be on the day laborers side

Everyone has subconscious biases

Besides even if they do get banned nothing prevents them from coming back

But frequently they are just bothering me and zero conversation necessary

My slave plantation is in the middle of a homeless encampment

The slave plantation allows day laborers and homeless to loiter around all day long and frequent the litterbox

Otherwise the job would be a good job
________________

Communication euphemism for noise pollution

The more communication the more miscommunication


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,250
Location: Cardiff, Wales

21 May 2022, 6:21 pm

Thanks, its a shame you can't avoid nt's altogether if this happens so much to you



aajiplanet
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 1 May 2022
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8
Location: san francisco

22 May 2022, 6:31 am

Inability to have a conversation, such type of stress, from where knowingly you cannot get out of it, you feel let things go on as they are, you don't want to indulge into it.


Get up, boost your energy and take a deep breath.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,125

22 May 2022, 8:11 am

skibum wrote:
I did not know the word "hectoring." I think you are right in this. I often try to get away or somehow take control but even if I manage to the damage has been done and it is very devastating. I am sorry you go through similar things :heart:

Thanks, though I'm relieved to say it's a thing of the past for me now. I divorced the culprit and found somebody with better manners. And although I think slowly, I usually notice quickly when somebody's having a go at me, and my "fight or flight" kicks in - usually "fight," and my main problem was always to learn to temper that, to be more constructive without compromising self-defense. I don't suppose many people can experience these things without experiencing a degree of stress, and for some reason they unnerve you so much that you can't deal with the situation. I've been luckier, but I can't deny that I hate dealing with discourteous people. These days I'm reclusive and picky about who I spend time with, so my life is fairly free of it.



Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,334

22 May 2022, 10:31 pm

What you describe in your second post isn't uncommon for those with Autism or some other conditions (Schizophrenia is a common one), and it'll be exacerbated by stress from anything. No PTSD required, outside of that adding to stress, so it'll be worse than it normally would be. Those with PTSD can withdraw somewhat and neglect talking about said things, but it's different than avoiding all social interaction unless you know it'll be stress free.