Is not making an effort a reason for me being single ?

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kraftiekortie
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31 May 2022, 7:48 am

You know what? I should have mentioned that she didn't go to my high school. That's probably a very important consideration.



Ettina
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31 May 2022, 10:55 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Whoever is telling you "you'll find love when you stop looking for it" is most likely a woman, because this advice generally speaking, only works for women, who have the luxury of simply waiting for guys to approach them. Remember, women have a COMPLETELY different dating experience compared to men, so a lot of their advice only really applies to them, and people tend to give advice based on what works for them, not necessarily for other people.

Instead, for the typical guy, you'll find love when you actively pursue it and put in the effort to find someone.


It worked for my dad.



kraftiekortie
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31 May 2022, 10:57 am

It didn't really work for me. I had to become more "laid back."



1986
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31 May 2022, 9:53 pm

At least when I was younger, it was the male's task to find and court the women. That included pubs, clubs, schools, work, and online.

Examples:

- Pursued a girl 1 year older me when I was 11. Didn't work. (She later became the first girlfriend of this guy.)
- Pursued a girl in my class and got a date. Didn't work. (She later became a model and worked for an agency in London.)
- Again pursued a girl 1 year older than me and she dumped me quite harshly after testing and teasing me for a few months.
- Mustered up the courage to ask for a girl's phone no. on prom night (not the ones[s] I went with, but that's another story). We had 2-3 dates, then she dropped me.
- Pursued a woman 2 years younger than me in uni. She dropped me after about 3 "dates".
- Fooled around a bit drunk at parties, but it never went anywhere.
- Then pursued a woman 2 years older than me who lived on another continent. We've been together for about 11 years now.

Summary: Keep exploring new environments, put yourself out there, make a shot, accept that almost all of your shots will be misses, but remember that it doesn't matter as long as you get one good hit.



cyberdad
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01 Jun 2022, 2:34 am

1986 wrote:
At least when I was younger, it was the male's task to find and court the women. That included pubs, clubs, schools, work, and online.

Examples:

- Pursued a girl 1 year older me when I was 11. Didn't work. (She later became the first girlfriend of this guy.)
- Pursued a girl in my class and got a date. Didn't work. (She later became a model and worked for an agency in London.)
- Again pursued a girl 1 year older than me and she dumped me quite harshly after testing and teasing me for a few months.
- Mustered up the courage to ask for a girl's phone no. on prom night (not the ones[s] I went with, but that's another story). We had 2-3 dates, then she dropped me.
- Pursued a woman 2 years younger than me in uni. She dropped me after about 3 "dates".
- Fooled around a bit drunk at parties, but it never went anywhere.
- Then pursued a woman 2 years older than me who lived on another continent. We've been together for about 11 years now.

Summary: Keep exploring new environments, put yourself out there, make a shot, accept that almost all of your shots will be misses, but remember that it doesn't matter as long as you get one good hit.


Although I had more dates than you, essentially the trajectory I followed was the same. I had no luck with local women so tried overseas in Asia and struck gold.