What reasons you had to initially deny you might be ASD

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Another behaviour that I can recall doing on quite a few occasions (less so today, in my late 40s) is I'd drop passive-aggressive hints about preferences, which my interlocutor actually picked up on (!), and that's a sort of behaviour that's VERY NT. One tactic I'd often use, when someone was bothering me in some way with how they dealt with me (like condescension, or unjust assumptions), was to say "sometimes people will" or "certain people do this...which I really don't appreciate...it's as if they lack decorum". Basically, turning the tables on them - and it worked

Well, the odd time, they'd be clueless and say "which people"? But maybe they inwardly knew it was THEM, and just didn't wanna give me the satisfaction. Who knows?

Another ASD behaviour that I shed later in life, but was very present in my teens and more diluted in my 20s, was the "Asperger bouncy walk". I'm sure you all know what that is, and have been mocked before for it... the video below explains it well. Yes, I certainly found it more comfy to walk toe-to-heel, rather than vice-versa which just didn't feel right to me...but I had to gradually adapt to it to avoid "standing out like a weirdo", I feared for more mockery or even my safety which was the same impetus for overcoming socio-emotional struggles.

My girlfriend when I was 27 told me I had a "bit of a bounce" in my walk, but nothing as weird as when I was a teenager. She said it wasn't completely bizarre, but noticeable. That was the same year I got diagnosed, and I think I mentioned that behaviour being more prominent in the past along with all the other "odd" behaviours that people had pointed out, wondering if they were related. But now, that odd walk is mostly gone. So, to what extent vanishing behaviours might play in a diagnosis or confound that diagnosis, is unclear. But this was back in 2001.

I don't think that I ever really "denied" it when I was told that I probably have Asperger's/autism when I was 11. I just didn't understand what ASD really was, so when I did look up stuff about it I was immediately like, "Oh, yeah, I guess I can see that." lmao

Nope.. nope.. did not have much of a chance to consider autism as most of my life was programmed to try to survive. And it was a obvious situation .. and before could consider it , with anyone , it made me a target .. for
Most anyone who was not it seemed .. Did not understand the Spectrum idea until in my 50-60s ,
Then I gave in and the bomb dropped . Given my little sister being non verbal and developmentally disabled ,
I was not like her… how could I be autistic .I thought . But sooo many symptoms and life events added up.
Even my mom before she passed was telling me to see a doctor about possible issues . But I did not want the diagnoses. And muddled along working physically more than my body should and paying for it dearly with my health.
But I was Normal…(NOT) . Could not make sense these typical Aspie things that were my life.
Eventually it was a relief to get my diagnosis . Still life hasn’t got much easier but at least, I am aware .

"Therapist" Telling me I don't seem like I'm autistic after one session

But you don’t LOOK Autistic ???
Friggin little sister who was non verbal / developmentally disabled , Looked more NT in her facial features than me.

Another basis on which my having ASD was more suspect, was that often I would exhibit some emotional state and then someone else (an NT) would pick up on it and call it out, or respond in a way that showed they know what I was thinking and feeling inside. So even though some sources say that "Aspie" or ASD body language is peculiar and not readily decipherable by NTs, I guess I went against the grain on that one.

- Developing typically as a baby/toddler (including speaking, eye contact and potty-training)

- Playing with toys the "normal" way (using imagination, making the toys interact, and not lining toys up or stacking things)

- Being naturally interested in other children and enjoying playing imaginative games with them and even just chatting

- Not having any restrictive interests or obsessions as a child

- Not stimming as a child or an adult even though I have always been a highly anxious child and adult (by stimming I mean autism stims like hand-flapping and rocking)

- Loving company of another child, hated being alone

- Not ever really being into books or learning intelligent facts

- Childhood tantrums and adult outbursts (now panic attacks) being too verbal

- Enjoying gossip as an adult

- Having instinctive empathy and understanding body language

- Finding romantic relationships easy

- Not really indulged in self, despite the name autism supposing to mean self-indulgence

- can express my feelings and recognise my own emotions

- Need social interaction, and I enjoy a chat at work and like to feel like an insider and be updated with all the latest gossip because I'm interested (I've never been the sort to isolate myself away from co-workers during breaks to "recharge", in fact sitting with co-workers and chatting is "recharging" ready to get back to work again)

- Good listening and conversation skills but need people to give me a chance first (which most people don't because I'm so bad at first impressions)

- Difficulty memorising facts and new logical information, excellent at memorising faces, names, birth dates, and past memories of my life


Yes, a bit confusing, isn't it? The only reason I can't say that I was misdiagnosed is because I was so Aspie when I was aged 11-17 and they say that nobody grows out of Asperger's. So I'm just a medical mystery really.

It's not really a case that I'm in denial. I think there is something there but whether or not it is aspergers syndrome I'm just not completely convinced. My diagnosis was based on one person's opinion. I mean he is a psychiatrist who is top in his field but even on my diagnosis he said "that in his opinion, babybird is likely to have aspergers syndrome" and that is where my doubt lies. No one else has ever suggested it and I've been involved with other psychiatrist have also said that it doesn't seem likely but adhd is very apparent.

From childhood I was obviously disturbed as I was from a very abusive family and extremely neglected. But I always had friends, I mixed well in groups up until I got to a certain age and I lost confidence in physical contact sports because of certain abuse and I felt people could smell it on me. I always got jokes and told them as well. I could fight, argue and negotiate from a young age. I used to deal in second hand bikes from about 12 years old and I had a paper round and used to help the milkman with his milk round from about 13 years old. I'm very engaged when I speak as well and have really good eye contact.

Just as I got older I withdrew, I became depressed. Before my diagnosis of aspergers I was diagnosed with spd. I got anti psycotics for this but they killed me off and just left me numb. That's when I got the opinion of a likelihood of aspergers syndrome.

And in fact I don't even think my adhd diagnosis was correct but I'll accept it because the medication does stimulate my brain.

I could interact with others reasonably well, even if I didn't have a predilection for social interaction (nothing abnormal about being highly introverted).

This was a long time ago (18 years; 40ish now), I wasn't aware I had autism when diagnosed, and I had no idea anything close to high-functioning autism existed. Psychiatric wasn't really something I was versed on back then, and it only came to the awareness of clinicians due to hospitalization.

E: I knew I had OCD and PTSD. I self-diagnosed those as they were obvious to me, and ended up being correct.

Oh and that's another thing as well; I've never had any sensory issues. That's one thing that struck me when I first signed up for WP. Everyone seemed to have sensory issues and I didn't even know what it meant.