Anyone less willing to marry the older they get?

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1986
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26 May 2022, 9:41 pm

Well, at least you get a great view of the surrounding area while on your way down. :lol:



Pepe
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26 May 2022, 10:08 pm

1986 wrote:
Well, at least you get a great view of the surrounding area while on your way down. :lol:


:mrgreen:



Nades
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27 May 2022, 1:23 am

1986 wrote:
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Yeah. The people I know who live happily together done so at a young age where there formative years and important milestones could be done together along with long term planning.

Maybe. I was 23 when I first met my partner and although we went through some years of long-distance relationship, we moved together five years later and quicky married. We adjusted to each other in our 20s while our personalities were still quite malleable. It's been good so far.


Malleable is a good way of putting it. The younger the better.



Suzyb
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27 May 2022, 4:37 am

After 2 years of co-habitation here in Australia, the relationship has all the benefits of being contracted/shackled/married legally. 8)[/quote]

That is very interesting and as far as I am aware, not the case here so I made sure i was financially secure ie, name on mortgage, an income etc.. Things my mother ranted about repeatedly when we were young.



nick007
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27 May 2022, 6:22 am

I LOVED the idea of being married until after I moved in with my current girlfriend for a while. I don't mean this the way you guys are probably thinking. We woulda got married around then but we're both disabled & it would screw up benefits. A major reason I wanted to be married then was because I wanted it to be harder for us to split up. If it's harder for us to split up, my partner might invest more effort into trying to make our relationship work. I'm EXTREMELY MOTIVATED to try my best to make my romantic relationships work but it takes the both of us to make the relationship work. I'm used to friends getting frustrated with me or mad at me about something & suddenly deciding to move on instead of trying to talk to me & work things out. It's extremely difficult for me to meet people offline who give me a decent chance to get close to them. Most everyone quickly writes me off without getting to know me :( I've gotten a lot more secure with my current girlfriend after living together & acting married for 9 & half years now so I don't really feel that need to get married anymore. I have nothing against being married thou except that it's more financially practical for us not to be right now. If I were to suddenly come into a lot of money, I'd have no reason not to get married & I would marry Cass because I know she would prefer us to be but I don't feel a need to.


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27 May 2022, 4:13 pm

I'd say people who are older and who have been married before but are then single are less likely to be willing to marry than a person who is older and has never been married before.

I was married for the first time at 25 to a woman three years younger than me. I was married the second time at 56 to a woman three years older than me. We went ahead despite our doubts, and honestly we still have our doubts about whether it was the right thing to do.

When you are young and infatuated and stupid and without experience in the grown up world, you overlook a lot more things in a prospective spouse than you would when you are older (whether you've been married before or not). The older you get, the less accommodating you are to significant changes in your lifestyle which marriage will bring on, and that sure as heck is the case for an autistic individual.



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27 May 2022, 8:20 pm

rse92 wrote:

When you are young and infatuated and stupid and without experience in the grown up world, you overlook a lot more things in a prospective spouse than you would when you are older (whether you've been married before or not). The older you get, the less accommodating you are to significant changes in your lifestyle which marriage will bring on, and that sure as heck is the case for an autistic individual.


QFT. 8)



nick007
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28 May 2022, 5:23 am

rse92 wrote:
When you are young and infatuated and stupid and without experience in the grown up world, you overlook a lot more things in a prospective spouse than you would when you are older (whether you've been married before or not). The older you get, the less accommodating you are to significant changes in your lifestyle which marriage will bring on, and that sure as heck is the case for an autistic individual.
I think that's probably true in general but there are exceptions. Some people get more desperate for a relationship when they're older even if they've had a bit of life experience & been in some serious long-term relationship before. I've known a few older guys who got in serious relationships with young women & sex was not a factor as to why. Sometimes as people age they get more lonely &/or develop health issues that make it harder to live alone. The young women were willing to marry the guys are just move in with em because the women were down on their luck & the guys were willing to provide for them. Depending on how you look at it, the men & women were both using each other. The men were using the women for companionship & as kinda caretakers, & the women were using the men for financial reasons & as father figures. If I were to become single when I'm older for whatever reason, I would be very desperate for another relationship at least just as much as I was when I was single & if I had things more together with life, I would pursue a relationship like those older guys I knew out of desperation & fear & hatred of being & living alone.


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28 May 2022, 3:55 pm

Yes. I'm very happy with my little life. I would need to find someone that added something extra to this otherwise what's the point?



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28 May 2022, 7:34 pm

Yep. I would not marry again. Once was enough.

I don’t find the idea of legally binding documents very romantic. I wouldn’t have gotten married at all if my very religious parents hadn’t been pushing me, and I already had the fight beaten out of me by the groom in question.

It’s like the plot to a gothic novel. However, I only fainted once in awhile, and there were no duels. A pity.


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28 May 2022, 9:14 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Yep. I would not marry again. Once was enough.

I don’t find the idea of legally binding documents very romantic. I wouldn’t have gotten married at all if my very religious parents hadn’t been pushing me, and I already had the fight beaten out of me by the groom in question.

It’s like the plot to a gothic novel. However, I only fainted once in awhile, and there were no duels. A pity.
While I'm very loving & affectionate with romantic partners & am very committed to my partners, I'm not romantic nor religious at all. The reason I wanted to be married was for the legal stuff & so my partner might take our relationship more seriously but I never liked the idea of having the wedding ceremony. I'd much rather an elopement type thing.
However I'm suddently thinking that a gothic wedding might be kewl :skull: :twisted:


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29 May 2022, 1:27 am

Nades wrote:
As the title says. Do you think forging your own life as you get older makes you less likely to want to start over again should you meet a partner?
Yes.
Nades wrote:
For me, I'm growing less and less happy with any prospect of marriage the older I get. It made sense to me when I was younger but I've settled down now in my own way.
Ikr? Being single again becomes more and more tempting. Imagine how nice it would be to live by yourself with no partner and no kids. Just you and your peace and quite as you do what ever the heck you want.


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29 May 2022, 1:47 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Nades wrote:
As the title says. Do you think forging your own life as you get older makes you less likely to want to start over again should you meet a partner?
Yes.
Nades wrote:
For me, I'm growing less and less happy with any prospect of marriage the older I get. It made sense to me when I was younger but I've settled down now in my own way.
Ikr? Being single again becomes more and more tempting. Imagine how nice it would be to live by yourself with no partner and no kids. Just you and your peace and quite as you do what ever the heck you want.


It really is quite amazing. Been living this way for almost 5yrs (was in a house share before that).


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Dillogic
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29 May 2022, 8:00 am

About the same.

I guess a wife, who's also my best friend, is one of the two things I "only" really wanted in this life. I suppose I'm just sappy. I see the beauty there of an unbreakable bond. In sickness and health. Yeah, I'm definitely overly sappy. Maybe not, as I've seen it numerous times. Maybe I just have my own issues and I don't want to be like someone else, but that's not it, as I was shown a drawing I did as a little one and it showed the aforementioned (it was just grown up Dill and a woman of equal height, which I think is interesting).



nick007
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29 May 2022, 9:17 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Nades wrote:
For me, I'm growing less and less happy with any prospect of marriage the older I get. It made sense to me when I was younger but I've settled down now in my own way.
Ikr? Being single again becomes more and more tempting. Imagine how nice it would be to live by yourself with no partner and no kids. Just you and your peace and quite as you do what ever the heck you want.
I NEVER wanted kids but I'm not really capable of living by myself for financial reasons & having various disabilities. In a way I had lots of freedom when I lived with my parents & was not going to school or work & I spent most all my free time in my room on computer, listening to music, watching TV, watching porn, &/or playing video-games, & I was depressed, lonely, bored, & burnt out on it. There was not really anything else I wanted to do thou. I never had life goals or dreams. I just wanted to be done with school & after I was, I really wanted a girlfriend to marry. When I was employed & allowed to work extra, I worked 9 & a half hour days(not counting lunch breaks) 6 days a week even thou I was on SSI & living with my parents & did not need the money. The reason why was because I felt miserable being single & I was hoping that bettering myself by working would help me get a girlfriend. I never got so much as a single date, people saw me as a giant loser for being disabled & working a minimum-wage job even thou it was long hours & I didn't need to work. Instead of getting credit for trying my best, I was considered a failure for not being more successful with life. Anyways I'm aLOT happier living with my girlfriend than I was when I was single.


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hurtloam
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29 May 2022, 10:06 am

If it works for you Nick that's fab. A lot of us are commenting from a place where we've tried with this relationship thing and couldn't get it and being alone is a lot less tiring and much more peaceful.

That doesn't mean that there aren't people who are truly happy in their relationships. It's just some of us don't find peace in them.