Feeling like an inconvenience to ppl?

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Erjoy29
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27 May 2022, 9:19 pm

I like being at home. A lot. It’s my sanctuary. It’s the place I feel the happiest.

But when I go out in public, that’s fine. Little to no problems.

But going to work or anywhere else on a regular basis, people “know” I’m different and they’re therefore uncomfortable around me and that understandable. I honestly don’t blame them for that. It secretly saddens me but I would be the same exact way if I were NT. It gets somewhat easier as they get to know me more. But if they’re degrading or mean, then that is another story. Basic respect and decency should always be in place. In some ways, yes, it’s there but in other ways it’s not. Sometimes I feel like I inconvenience people by simply existing. Like I add extra stress in their lives because their brains have to mentally process that there is something different and they don’t always know what to say or how to act and it stresses them out. My therapist says “In the work world, you deal with difficult personalities. It’s the same everywhere else.” And “How people react to you isn’t your problem”. That does help but I still feel some guilt. I still don’t really know how to mask. Any other advice or input or whatever, feel free to share.



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27 May 2022, 10:21 pm

Well, more of a burden, and I loathe to be such on others, so I don't ask for help unless it's an emergency (even then it depends). Whilst personality there, Autism will affect this since it's disabling, so sometimes I do need help, and I hate it.



ThisTimelessMoment
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28 May 2022, 3:47 am

I know how you feel. I am the same. It is one of the things that gets in the way of making friends.
I feel like i am imposing on people with my company.
I think a big part of this is just my perspective and not always really true of what others are thinking.
I can be dangerous to think too much about what others are thinking, because you never really know, no matter how much you may believe you do.


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ToughDiamond
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28 May 2022, 8:43 am

No, I don't ask for much help from people. Usually I solve my own problems. I don't like asking people for help. If anything, I probably try to be too independent, which is silly of me because I have a lot of skills and resources that I enjoy using to help other people with, so there's no problem with reciprocation and I see that kind of reciprocal help as the soul of social interaction. I'm retired now so there's no forced association between me and work colleagues any more, but when there was I just used to get help where it was appropriate, and just as in my life outside of work, I probably did that too little rather than too much.

One of the reasons I'm not very outgoing with people is that I'm averse to being anywhere where I might not be wanted, and I'd rather be alone than push myself onto people, so I don't tag along with them very much.



AprilR
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28 May 2022, 9:19 am

I can relate so much. I basically programmed myself to create a persona that is appropriate for me to show other people. Because i feel other people's dislike too much when they are around me and internalize their thoughts about me. But their perception of you is not reality. They are the ones who should change themselves and stop showing you their dark side.

Unless you are actively doing or saying things that makes others uncomfortable you don't have to feel bad just for existing



shortfatbalduglyman
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28 May 2022, 9:22 am

Sometimes everyone is an "inconvenience" or "burden" to someone else

There are eight billion people in the solar system

Sometimes I am an inconvenience and burden to someone. 39. Sometimes they are an inconvenience and burden to me



kraftiekortie
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28 May 2022, 9:23 am

^I couldn’t agree more.

But why do you feel people dislike you “just for existing”? I used to feel that way until I sought to objectively examine this notion.

I found that people, usually, don’t care either way about you. You are a neutral element in their lives.



SharonB
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28 May 2022, 10:05 am

OP, for sure. I'm learning to "own it". To more or less project "I know I am different. I'm ok with that. Your turn to decide." The only way I "fit" in was to be quiet, or too desperately accommodate others. Now I'm looking for folks who are like-minded or able to mutually accommodate others.



Pteranomom
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28 May 2022, 10:04 pm

As long as you aren't starting fights or drama, you probably aren't a burden. A burden is someone who causes more work or inconvenience for others. Some people constantly pick fights with others or mess up projects. Whatever you do... Is probably fine. People might even like you better than you realize.



Edna3362
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28 May 2022, 11:34 pm

No.

Instead, mines the inverse of that:
I don't want help because people to be are just unreliable and therefore would be inconvenient.

I just grew up like that, having to self taught, having to be as independent possible, having to make up the most of things because save for physics itself nothing around me is consistent.

And as long as anyone else is involved, no matter the dynamic, things will simply not go my way.

While I have and more patience for others, I have little to no patience for myself.

I would hate myself if I'm the problem or the center of inconvenience.
Just as I hate it when people would worry about me, no matter how severe or justified.

I could just be dying and crippled, yet still tell everyone to shut up about it.

While I have no doubt of about anyone's concern and acceptance to me should that day ever come, it just isn't the case for myself.


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Dillogic
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29 May 2022, 1:57 am

I guess I learnt that help isn't coming from such a young age due to not receiving it when needed in many instances and that I also don't feel like I'm worth it due to being put down and hurt so much when I'd ask (this makes you not want to ask for it either). :| Only one person helped, but one person wasn't always around, so I had to learn to be independent when everyone else that influenced me actively harmed more than helped. Said people were "nice" when I wouldn't make requests and/or ask for things (indifferent rather than nice), so I learnt not to ask for and want anything either. I'm an eggshell walker.

So, it made someone that's highly independent and actively refuses help, and it'll probably be the only time I'll dig my heels in to those around me, when they offer to help me or help me at all (I'll get upset and feel guilty when people do or want to do things for me, and feel the same in the very rare instances I'll want something from others). I don't care about myself either, but that might be from something else, but I'm sure the above contributed to it, making me feel worthless. I've been working on this. Kinda hard, though. Personality is hard to change; talking about it is me working on it, and I never would have once.

This might sound gloomy, but high independence does come in handy, as does self-sufficiency, and counterintuitively, it helps when one is disabled, as the disabled get little help anyway, so being prepared for it beforehand helps.



Jleger91
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07 Jul 2022, 5:53 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Sometimes everyone is an "inconvenience" or "burden" to someone else

There are eight billion people in the solar system

Sometimes I am an inconvenience and burden to someone. 39. Sometimes they are an inconvenience and burden to me

Image

That is bloody cool. Eight billion people in the solar system, so if I'm insignificant, so is everyone else. If anyone else finds me to be a nuisance, how is that person not a nuisance to me?

Must give myself more credit, like really badly.

kraftiekortie wrote:
^I couldn’t agree more.

But why do you feel people dislike you “just for existing”?
I found that people, usually, don’t care either way about you. You are a neutral element in their lives.

Others have said the same. Some say that people don't think too much about others and are more wrapped up in their own thoughts, worries, and concerns to really notice. And yet moi FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) claims that everyone really hates me and gathers in corners to gossip and that everybody watches, laughing as I go by; FEAR claims, as would one in the court of law, that this is the truth - lo and behold I start cussing, loudly and wildly - at everyone around me :oops: Sometimes I feel like the next best thing to the Grinch who stole Christmas

SharonB wrote:
OP, for sure. I'm learning to "own it". To more or less project "I know I am different. I'm ok with that. Your turn to decide." The only way I "fit" in was to be quiet, or too desperately accommodate others. Now I'm looking for folks who are like-minded or able to mutually accommodate others.

Fist bump :D

Pteranomom wrote:
As long as you aren't starting fights or drama

Noted :oops:

Pteranomom wrote:
People might even like you better than you realize.

Jleger91 has heard this just today from his boss. You do good work, he says; we like you being here, and your coworkers don't always say it but they like you.

Dillogic wrote:
I guess I learnt that help isn't coming from such a young age due to not receiving it when needed in many instances and that I also don't feel like I'm worth it due to being put down and hurt so much when I'd ask (this makes you not want to ask for it either). :|

Can relate with this too. Jleger91 has read that in Silent Hill 2, James is struggling with his depression and the boss battles are him actually overcoming that darkness inside himself - can you believe it? The "I'm not worth it" would be like something James is telling himself and maybe that "I'm not worth it" is Pyramid Head :skull: and yet James finds a way to fight and defeat Pyramid Head, doesn't he?
https://www.reddit.com/r/silenthill/com ... epression/
The user reinstallpaul in the reddit article has some very good points. I like when he was talking about how we're all the fictional hero of our own adventure. Either we can be defeated by those monsters or take a stand the best we can.

Dillogic wrote:
This might sound gloomy, but high independence does come in handy, as does self-sufficiency, and counterintuitively, it helps when one is disabled, as the disabled get little help anyway, so being prepared for it beforehand helps.

Dude, my father walks miles on the hottest, coldest, or rainiest days just to pay a bill or go food shopping. There's something to be said for that. He compares himself to a hobbit from LOTR; an unlikely hero to do big things. Secondly, it's okay to be disabled because normal is overrated. It's good to be disabled because you get to be different and see the world in an awesome unique way that not many people can.



Last edited by Jleger91 on 07 Jul 2022, 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Jul 2022, 8:19 pm

Everyone is an inconvenience to someone at some point

There are eight billion people in the solar system