Is it OK to not chat to the hairdresser?

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TwilightPrincess
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22 Jun 2022, 8:38 am

Joe90 wrote:
^That isn't right, the female hairdresser overreacted a bit there and didn't seem to see the obvious that you were friendly and were impressed with the job she had done. It is her job after all. If I were you I would have made an allegation against them and shamed them because that is not how you treat a customer.


What if this individual had some harmful experiences in the past and her reaction is understandable? Would you really want to draw attention to that and turn this situation into a bigger deal than it is?

I’d prefer someone to turn down cutting my hair than to make them uncomfortable in any way.


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TwilightPrincess
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22 Jun 2022, 9:12 am

Joe90 wrote:
But it's still hurtful for male customers who don't know the reasons behind why she wouldn't want the same male customer twice. It can't always be avoided anyway, she may run into the same male customer again.


I’m pretty sure cyberdad has gotten over the “hurt” that this event has caused him. He can very easily find a new hairdresser.

In all seriousness, when individuals work in a job in which they have clients, they are perfectly free to choose who they will and won’t work with. They are under no obligation to put themselves in situations which make them uncomfortable.

Sometimes therapists choose not to continue working with specific clients.

If a person has a trauma history, they can’t just snap out of it. We don’t know if that’s the case here, but it wouldn’t be surprising given the situation, not that it’s any of our business.


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kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2022, 9:37 am

I would be hurt if some woman hairdresser found me to be "creepy." I'm not a "creepy" man, and I don't flirt with female hairdressers. I talk to them mostly like I would talk to a male haircutter. I'm fortunate that this hasn't happened to me.

If this did happen to me, I would still talk to other haircutters.



TwilightPrincess
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22 Jun 2022, 9:47 am

I can understand why she’d be creeped out here, especially if she has a trauma history. Maybe she’s been stalked by a male client.

It’s not as common as it used to be to book with the same stylist, especially when it comes to males, unless they go to a barber. That’s how it is where I live, anyway. (Usually, business cards are lost and forgotten within a week or so.)

It’s best not to take her reaction personally. It’s business and is probably unrelated to how cyberdad comes across.


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Joe90
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22 Jun 2022, 10:51 am

Well I suffer from traumatization from past experiences but I'm always advised to "get over it" or "ignore the trigger", so if that's how you're advised to deal with PTSD then why should I always have to understand other people's weird behaviour? People don't understand what I've been through and how my social anxiety was started. Like when people stare at me in public even when I'm looking/acting normal enough to blend in, they don't seem to understand how severely anxious they are making me feel and the past experiences I have had with strangers picking on me randomly in the street (back when I did look and act like an idiot). They just stare at me, judge me, and get on with their lives, probably not even caring to stop and think how they're really making me feel. How they're really making me feel is agoraphobia. People need to be educated on not to stare at people that aren't doing anything unusual. They should mind their own business.


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22 Jun 2022, 10:57 am

It seems what this is amounting to.. (being the customer end of things ) if I wish to engage a complete
Stranger in conversation regarding life stuff . A person your trusting to do a good job.???.
It is awkward situation every time for me . And against my native intuition about confiding in strangers.
Guess if the convo , could be kept to topical subjects , weather .. workload .. for the hairdresser person . :|
PTSD or not .. both parties might be enduring such situations.??? But one is getting paid for it . :roll:


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TwilightPrincess
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22 Jun 2022, 10:58 am

Joe90 wrote:
Well I suffer from traumatization from past experiences but I'm always advised to "get over it" or "ignore the trigger", so if that's how you're advised to deal with PTSD then why should I always have to understand other people's weird behaviour? People don't understand what I've been through and how my social anxiety was started. Like when people stare at me in public even when I'm looking/acting normal enough to blend in, they don't seem to understand how severely anxious they are making me feel and the past experiences I have had with strangers picking on me randomly in the street (back when I did look and act like an idiot). They just stare at me, judge me, and get on with their lives, probably not even caring to stop and think how they're really making me feel. How they're really making me feel is agoraphobia. People need to be educated on not to stare at people that aren't doing anything unusual. They should mind their own business.


So, since you’ve been treated poorly, you think it’s okay to treat others similarly?


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Joe90
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22 Jun 2022, 11:02 am

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So, since you’ve been treated poorly, you think it’s okay to treat others similarly?


Who am I treating poorly? I don't even know the hairdresser what's-his-name was talking about and she doesn't know me, so I'm not upsetting her, am I? Jeez, relax.


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TwilightPrincess
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22 Jun 2022, 11:04 am

Joe90 wrote:
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So, since you’ve been treated poorly, you think it’s okay to treat others similarly?


Who am I treating poorly? I don't even know the hairdresser what's-his-name was talking about and she doesn't know me, so I'm not upsetting her, am I? Jeez, relax.


You said that you “would’ve made an allegation against them and shamed them.”


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Joe90
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22 Jun 2022, 11:08 am

Oh for goodness sake, I was just on his side that's all. Can we just drop it now, I don't really care. OK, the poor girl was traumatized, she has all my sympathy, I don't know how hairdressers work, it was the first time I'd heard of a hairdresser avoiding a harmless customer, that's all, I don't know everything, I don't know her, I'm not her, I'm bored now, let's get back to the topic.


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22 Jun 2022, 12:22 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I was going to say that she shouldn't really be in a job where she's bound to come into close contact with men.
I've never been abused by men before, but I feel sorry for men because it seems they can't even breathe without being accused of being "creepy". :roll:


Surely that's impossible to have a job without coming into close contact with men at some point, they're half the human race. :wink:

I suspect she is a young girl who's had bad experiences and maybe particular men/women trigger her. I think we just have to accept that some people won't want to interact with us.

The problem with men, and humans in general, is that you can't tell who's going to hurt you and who isn't, because they all look the same. No one goes round with a tattoo saying 'I'm going to hurt/kill/abuse you' do they...


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KitLily
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22 Jun 2022, 12:27 pm

Joe90 wrote:
the past experiences I have had with strangers picking on me randomly in the street ... People need to be educated on not to stare at people that aren't doing anything unusual. They should mind their own business.


Ugh I used to get that too. Usually young men coming up and shouting 'you're so ugly!' Sometimes coming up to me and pretending to thrust at me or grab me. Then going back to their gang of laughing mates. Always when I was alone and/or it was dark and/or I was in an unfamiliar place. I don't know why they thought it was funny, it was intimidating.


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envirozentinel
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22 Jun 2022, 1:22 pm

If someone such as a hairdresser or other relative stranger starts a conversation, just talk about something that they might find interesting, such as the unusual crow you saw while taking the trash out, or that cloud that resembled your dog when he emerged from his bath... (if it bores them, it's nothing to do with us...) :lol:

They see a good many folk in the course of a day's work and I'm sure they're used to all kinds of people and a wide range of news from those who say more than just hello...


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22 Jun 2022, 4:50 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
I can understand why she’d be creeped out here, especially if she has a trauma history. Maybe she’s been stalked by a male client.

It’s not as common as it used to be to book with the same stylist, especially when it comes to males, unless they go to a barber. That’s how it is where I live, anyway. (Usually, business cards are lost and forgotten within a week or so.)

It’s best not to take her reaction personally. It’s business and is probably unrelated to how cyberdad comes across.


Ok That wasn't my intention to single this young woman out, But it does illustrate why it's not worth engaging the hairdresser in conversation if you are male. I explained what the salon owner told me but while I understand the hairdresser's potential reasons it was confusing for me how it all proceeded.

Just to make things more complicated I had another 19 yr old pretty female do my hair after the COVID lockdown ended and my hair looked like some 70s hippy. She recommended I get a shampoo and was also a chatty type. I learned my lesson but I was polite and reserved and just smiled. The shampoo was sensational (like getting a head massage). Afterward she commented whether I enjoyed getting my head stroked after so many months of lockdown? She just thought it was funny but I attempted to maintain some distance to avoid suggesting I was turned on.



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22 Jun 2022, 4:57 pm

I don't chat with anyone if I don't feel comfortable.
I tell them I have a headache or I'm really tired, and shut my eyes.

If I really had to do small talk it would be for the first minute or two (hello, nice weather, etc.), then I'd stop.



cyberdad
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23 Jun 2022, 1:33 am

The easiest way is to not make eye contact. Sometimes hairdressers might get cues when the customer is making eye contact prompting them to ask the usual ice breaking questions so as not to seem unfriendly