Anyone else deal with this type of situation in school?

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Hi:
I was wondering if anyone in here dealt with a situation where you had people who were supposed to be your, "Friends." That said, you were always left out their outings and other related get togethers? Then you later found out that you were stuck in the middle of their own personal drama.

That happened to me during 11th grade with three peers who were supposed to be my friends. Basically, I was always left out only to have one of them come to me afterwards and brag about how much fun they had without me. When I asked two people why, they said that two of them didn't like me that much.

Looking back years later, I found out why

- The person doing the bragging was dating another member of the group and I wanted to date him too. Therefore, she saw me as competition.
- He had a habit of gossiping and lying all the time about everyone, including his girlfriend. When they got together, he complained to them that he didn't like me because he thought I was too hyper. When in reality, he was didn't know who he liked.

At the time, I was very hurt because I wanted friends so bad and wanted a place to belong.

Not that exact situation but similar

I had situations where girls didn't want me hanging around with them but didn't want me to make new friends either. And me being stupid, I just let them do it because I had a hard time sticking up for myself even though I knew what they were doing.

It's like girls were just happy seeing me on my own. And being on your own at high school meant you will be a target for bullies.

Joe90:

It sounds like those girls were probably frenemies who didn't like you because they probably saw something in you that they didn't like about themselves. Although, I don't think you were stupid, rather, I think you wanted it to work out with them.


Actually, this reminds me of another situation I faced in school with someone who posed as my friend when she wasn't. At first she seemed like a sweet girl. Then her claws came out when she wrote me a hate note about another girl, who felt the opposite about me. She also had the nerve to tell another friend of mine that she was planning to beat the crap out of me. She even laughed when she saw me crying after. However, it came out that she didn't like me, simply because she found me annoying. However, I shut it down pretty quickly by avoiding and ignoring her after that.

Yes, I had that situation. My 'friends' would make plans right in front of me but not invite me. One in particular would whisper 'don't tell HER.' This was in the first couple of years at secondary school. After they did not protect me when a boy groped me in front of them, I followed my instincts and made new friends. They were nicer, but of lower intelligence than me, but I felt safer with them.

This also happens in adulthood. I used to stand at the school gate with the other mums waiting for our children to finish school, and mums I knew pretty well would be discussing their social events, inviting each other to them. But no one asked me. It's like I'm a wall or invisible. Often when I'm standing in a group of people I know by name, I make a comment and they all jump and stare, as if the wall suddenly spoke or something.

I went to a congregation where people talked about getting together in front of me. I called them out too, only to be told I was “Overreacting.”

Similar.  A "friend" asked me to set up a sound system at his parents' farm as a favor.  After I was finished and all the sound checks were made, my "friend" told me that it was for a private party to which I was not invited.

Turned out that I was the only one of his "friends" that was specifically "not invited" to his party.

That’s so mean but I am sure he treated other people that way. It sounds like he was a frenemy and a bully.

- When I was 18, I reconnected with a “Friend” who was 15. I asked her if she was going to invite me to her 16th birthday. Her response was, “You won’t like what we do. We are planning on mixing up daiquiris.”

- I had a “Friend” who otherwise didn’t invest a lot of time in me, kept insisting we’re “Best friends.” Yet, she never had time for me. Whenever I would call her out, she would get very nasty.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 02 Jun 2022, 11:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

I heard from multiple sources that he died alone 30 years later in a single-vehicle crash while driving drunk from a party at a dance bar.  Ironic, huh?I am surprised she did not ask you to buy the liquor for her, and then tell you to "get lost".  Of such are frenemies.

@Fnord:
No, she made it clear that she wasn't interested in a friendship with me and didn't want to me communicate with me but rather than being upfront, I got the runaround. "Can you call back later? I have such and such to do," which I fell for only to get the same song and dance. I eventually got the message but I was upset.

Well, based on what you told me regarding your "Friend," then it's probably a blessing in disguise that he left you out if he was into drinking and partying. It sounds like he and his friends could have been a bad influence if they were into drinking and partying. However, it's always hurtful when someone leaves you out.

Yeah, it sucks.  Did you report them for underage drinking?  Anonymously, of course.  Then you could exercise plausible deniability by saying, "I would never do that to a friend!"

They might actually get the irony.

Hi Fnord,
I was more upset that she played games with me about being my friend and that she didn't include me.

Yeah, I get you.  I am more inclined to seek retribution, or to at least derive a sense of schadenfreude from their eventual misfortune.  But that is just me.

The reason why I was upset was because she and I grew up together as childhood friends and we begin to grow apart when she hit middle school. So when she and her mom reached out me, I was hoping we could rekindle our friendship and be life long friends. To be fair, she and her mom were not really that excited about being friends with me during our childhood.

Growing apart from friends is rough.  Just when you think you might get back together, they do something that reminds you why you are no longer friends.

I once befriended a new kid in 5th grade and introduced him to the others.  Next thing I know, he is hanging out with them, and they are all treating me like an outcast.  Seven years later, just before our 12th grade finals, he give me the "old buddy, old pal" routine, hinted that he was not doing so well in a class that I was aceing, and wondered if he could copy my notes.  I gave him my draft notes (not my final notes) and he never spoke to me again.

It really is because you become attached to that person. I remember when I started growing apart from the childhood friend who I talked about above. Basically, it all started when she met her first boyfriend just before she turned 12. She planned on going on a camping trip which I was very excited by for her 12th birthday. During the entire time of the camping trip, I was miserable.

1. The boyfriend came along in which she ignored me or didn't have time for me
2. She suddenly wanted to be the "Cool" teenager and made fun of me.

After the trip, she blew me off 90% of the time unless she found things she could use me for