Johnny Depp Vs Amber Heard verdict discussion

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I understand the whole "me too" thing as created a hotbed of confusion for a lot of men. I've posted here before that I was witness to a case where a co-worker created real harm, but was completely innocent in his intentions. The disconnect between what men think they are doing and what women are experiencing can be very real.

A few things are worth noting, to help sort out what to worry about and how to act:

1. Know where you are on the power scale. If you have any ability to affect someone's career because you carry more power in the company, you have to start from the assumption that they are not friendly with you by choice. That is your starting place. You aren't their friend, you are their superior. If THEY actively take actions to advance a true friendship, you can accept that friendship, but stay wary. Sad, but that is how it is. Easier to accept real friendships from people at your same level professionally. The lack of understanding power scale placement is probably the number 1 reason behind every misunderstanding I've seen. Professionals moving up the scale aren't always aware their promotions require a change in how they handle personal relationships.

Outside of the workplace, remember that most men have a physical advantage over most women, which means they start higher on the power scale. Men may have to work against the power scale position and achieve more sense of parity in interactions before pursuing relationships.

2. Don't be a power hungry a$$hole at work. Period. Being volatile or demanding means your subordinates will fear you. If they fear you, they can more easily misunderstand your intentions. The guy who yells at work and is mean to people has no friends at work. He thinks he has friends, but he doesn't. What he has are people afraid to upset him, which is extremely ripe soil for misunderstandings.

Moving on to how fiercely an abuser will try to protect their own reputation.

The answer is VERY. They will deny, deny, deny, and deny.

I've always started from the assumption that the person accused doesn't understand the effect of their own actions. I've tried to have conversations to help them ferret out what happened, and if they innocently had fault. Everyone should have an opportunity to do better, right? A lot of men don't want to cause harm, and are humbled when they realize they actually have. The conversation would also be a time to figure out if the accusation was malicious and false, but I have yet to be involved in one where that was the case. Most common, in my experience, is innocent intentions and ignorance of how they came across on the other side.

Men who abuse with some subconscious knowledge or intention, if not conscious ... well, one turned on me. *I* became the target of his emotional abuse for having the gall to believe his ex wife. He even threatened the social well being of my child if I got called to court and testified (our kids were friends, and his son was very popular). When he started dating another friend of mine I found myself between a rock and a hard place, eventually choosing some very careful words to tell the new wife that if something ever felt off, she could come to me. Surely enough, they ended up divorced, and she later told me that she had always appreciated that small seed. Not enough to destroy things if he had changed, but enough for her to think hard when she started to feel uncomfortable in the marriage. Thing is, this man remains a huge part of this community and is very popular. The women in our community have found a brilliant (and very kind) way to keep him from marrying again, thankfully.

You can't confront men like that; you (or someone you care about) just becomes another victim. But don't think that just because someone sues to defend their own reputation that must mean they are innocent. And don't think because someone is popular they are innocent.

Tricky stuff, interpersonal relationships. Sorting out who is telling the truth, who is lying, who is dangerous. I prefer to protect the most people without having to actually decide. So what some of the women in our community are doing with this man ... brilliant.

For the record, EVERY woman I know in real life has a "me, too" story. Some more serious than others, but we've all been subjected. Some men learn to do better, others don't. It breaks my heart that despite decades of trying to improve the situation, the level of misogyny in our society has been growing, instead.

We shouldn't have to decide who is right and who is wrong. We should simply protect.

There are body language experts saying she was lying in court.

These viewers' comments are priceless!

• "She's writing down every truthful thing she's said during this whole case."

• "If she's this manipulative in the courtroom, just imagine at home."

• "Imagine being her lawyer and seeing her do that. They HAVE to know how crazy she is."

• "Her fake writing is the best acting she's ever done."

• "The fact that she does that so brazenly in front of her lawyer is staggering. Absolutely no shame."

• "The lawyer next to her looked utterly confused. Now imagine the person on the receiving end of these 'notes'."

• "Everything about this trial with her, is theater. She's even pretending to be taking notes, so she can be perceived as such. She's something else, man."

• "I kept telling my partner there was no way she needs to take this many notes. It always looks like she's scribbling random things just to look like she's actually finding errors in the case. This is so humiliating for her."

• "That's her defense mechanism. I caught that a long time ago. That's her actually feeling uncomfortable and trying to escape anyway she knows how by acting like she's actually doing some thing right but really she's already exposed so she can't hide anymore."

• "She's writing down all the times she got abused."

I have not been following the Johnny Depp Vs Amber Heard case at all and have no opinion on who is innocent or guilty of whatever. My only knowledge of this case comes from occasional glances at relevant threads here on WP and on Twitter.

More generally, I have zero interest in the personal lives of celebrities, and very little interest in pop culture in general. I've hardly ever watched any movies or TV shows at all during the past few decades.

However, quite apart from the overall question of who is innocent or guilty of whatever, some of the specific arguments I've seen against Amber Heard leap out at me as being glaringly unsound. For example:


I wonder how many of these same "body language experts" would deem many autistic people to by liars due to our difficulties with eye contact. I don't have much faith in "body language experts," and I don't think anyone -- especially any autistic person -- should have faith in them either.

Another example in my next post.

What are they doing, exactly (if you are comfortable sharing it)?

IMHO paying attention to the private lives of most celebs is a lot like looking under a big rock.

Depp's lawyers wanted you watching that trial; he chose the venue. A state where broadcast was allowed. I hate it. It has fed all the worst instincts of humanity.