Is it common for some people with autism to hate praise?

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I hate praise. The speaker acts like their opinion is so important and that I have to believe it

However ("n" equals one) not a representative sample

Maybe everyone else loves praise

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For example, when I was 36, a job interviewer had the nerve to ask "where were you born?". (Illegal question, but it is also illegal to tape record with written consent).

So I answered (location)

"Cool cool cool"

What the flying f**k, that ass hole?

My worthless corpse did not control or choose where I was born (or even whether I was born), and even if I were to have chosen it, I would not have been like "I want to be born where the job interviewer when I am 36 finds is 'cool cool cool' ".

He (they, plural) act like the sole purpose of the solar system is to make them happy

He (they, plural) act like they ought to have veto authority over anything they don't find "cool cool cool"


Sometimes praise is manipulative


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Praise, compliments, and presents are all in the same category. Generic things are like salespeople who are overly cheerful to the point of being situationally inappropriate. Specific targeted things are meaningful. My favorite present ever was when my wife called the DMV and got them to expedite my personalized license plates for Christmas. Things like that are meaningful, personal, and even emotional.

I have some trouble when people praise me. Partly it's not knowing what to say back, partly it's knowing that sometimes people are just trying to ingratiate themselves and aren't being sincere. I think a lot of the compliments I get about my music performances are fairly genuine though. People in the audience don't have much to gain by pretending they liked my music, and on a good night I might get several compliments - it would seem strange if they'd all decided to make something up just to flatter me.

Part of the problem is that I don't feel a lot of self-esteem about my own abilities and achievements. So when somebody admires something I do, I tend to think that they wouldn't admire it so much if they knew more about me. And when I achieve something, I don't often see the result as being particularly impressive - it might have been hard for me to do, but usually it's nothing that anybody with a reasonable amount of brain couldn't have done pretty easily.

I've heard before that Aspies often have trouble dealing with praise, and I would think there's some truth in it.

Praises always feel a bit like manipulation, like the person saying them is above you and thus authorized to evaluate you. I can't truly enjoy them because I don't know if people giving praises are genuine or not. Compliments on the other hand are fine. Something like "those earrings are really unique". I give compliments freely to everyone. I want nothing in return and just hope to make someone's day a bit brighter. Of course sometimes I did get something in return by chatting with people.

I only like it if I think I deserve it, like someone at work called a video I made good. They only thought it was good because they don't know how to do it, if anyone with a clue on video production had seen it they'd know how awful it was!

Maybe it's linked to my sense of justice?

I hate it when someone compliments me. IMO, compliments are insults in disguise.

I don't mind being praised for something if it caused a measurable improvement of some kind, and the improvement was significant enough to stand out from everyday stuff that everyone does. I don't like praise for nebulous things, or for 'being myself', or when someone can't give an actual reason. It feels condescending and slimy.

Examples of good praise: "Your rate of output in that job is 70% greater than anyone who's ever had it in the last ten years! You made us two million dollars extra profit! Thanks to your efforts we were able to secure Jimmy Moneypants as a sponsor; he specifically mentioned you!"

Examples of bad praise: "Oh, it's so great you tied your shoes! You're such a nice person! I'm sure you're doing well!"

(In addition, good praise is far, far more appreciated if it actually comes with a tangible reward; I'd rather get a mediocre assessment and $500 than effusive praise and nothing to show for it.)

Praise is general - YOU are good. Compliments are specific - you did that well. I wish I'd not had the Buddhist concern for endangering an ego with inflation and complimented my ex for the the talents she had. She might have kept doing more of what she was good at, and less destruction.

^^ Sounds like a narcissist. They are amazing and horrifying, and seem totally addicted to living in illusions.