Why I should feel empathy and remorse to my former bullies?

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FranzOren
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06 Jun 2022, 3:55 pm

It all makes sense.



KitLily
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07 Jun 2022, 10:34 am

Fnord wrote:
[color=black]Trust me, you are better off in your current situation than in being physically abused.

Words and ostracism can be dealt with or ignored.  I have my own hobbies and interests, and it does not matter if no one else is interested.


"Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will break my heart"

I think both hurt for a long, long time afterwards.

EDIT: Also I wasn't thinking of long term, physical abuse, more just an occasional punch up at school :wink:


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Last edited by KitLily on 07 Jun 2022, 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

KitLily
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07 Jun 2022, 10:41 am

cyberdad wrote:
I've come across my former schoolyard bullies 20-30 years later and they always act like I was their long lost friend.


This happened to my husband! Bully came up to him, tried to be best buddies.

The bully was divorced, never saw his kids and worked in a 7-11, had very unhealthy lifestyle.

My husband was/is happily married, a qualified nurse and teacher, the youngest person ever locally to be the top level manager of a care home for disabled people, and we were expecting our first baby at the time.

Karma :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Fnord
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07 Jun 2022, 10:58 am

cyberdad wrote:
I've come across my former schoolyard bullies 20-30 years later and they always act like I was their long lost friend.
Only at a hometown bar.  Seriously.  This strange dude came up to me just as I was walking in, pulled the old "bestest buddy ever" routine, and then invited me to buy the next round.  I refused, and he tried to get me thrown out, but he got thrown out instead.  (I found out later he was the high school football team captain who led the gang that tied me to a tree after stealing my trousers.)

When I left the bar, he was passed out under a bus-stop bench -- one of the few times that alcoholism has worked in my favor.



FranzOren
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07 Jun 2022, 1:27 pm

That makes sense.



shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Jun 2022, 2:06 pm

"remorse" might be the wrong word.



"Pity" is a better word



FranzOren
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07 Jun 2022, 2:09 pm

It makes sense.



FranzOren
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03 Jul 2022, 8:48 am

Hey guys, thank you! I appreciate your help.

I feel much better now. Thank you!



babybird
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03 Jul 2022, 9:55 am

Quote:
Why I Should Feel Empathy And Remorse To My Former Bullies?


I read once that part of the healing process is to forgive.

I completely disagree with this. I was abused as a child and there is no way that I would ever forgive the person who did this to me. I mean I wouldn't wish any harm on them either but I would just choose to walk away from them and get on with my life.

I think that not forgiving is the only way to move on and make better progress with your life. It's kind of an anger that drives you.

To me forgiving would be telling them that what they did was OK.


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FranzOren
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03 Jul 2022, 11:33 am

That makes sense. Thank you!