Is it wrong for an older man to have children of his own?
I'm feeling frustrated because I am thinking right now I don't want kids and also I still have no partner to make that decision with and I'm worried ten years from now it will just pointless if I then start contemplating to having my own children. I don't know why nature has made it much better to have a child from 18 to 24 when it is considered the best time for reproduction but people of those ages may think its ''too soon'' and ''I'm not ready'' at that stage until they maybe settle in the late 20s and then have children because they have matured and are ready for it. It does feel like life is passing me by seeing my sister who had her son at 26 with her partner who was 29 and seeing other people in their mid or late 20s and early 30s having a child of their own. I've never had a sexual experience with someone and someone I liked didn't want a relationship and another was a good friend but I didn't think she was the ''one'' to have a life with. It envies me when I see people younger than me appearing to be luckier than me and presumably having multiple sexual experiences before finally settling with someone and committing themselves to each other with marriage and having their first child.
The thoughts I can give are:
I have no children and do have lots of emotions involved in that, such as frustration and disappointment.
My health has never been the best & that made working jobs which could pay for raising children not possible.
A good childhood friend when we lived in Georgia was born to older parents: his dad was a WW2 veteran and Tripp was born 20 years after the war ended, when his parents were over 40.
My Dad's sister is 16 years younger than he is.
So ...
Between that, and looking back at what has been seen in society through the decades,
I would say that the answer to,
"Is it wrong for an older man to have children of his own?"
is not a universal absolute.
There are a lot of 'well, it depends' kinds of variables in the answer.
_________________
"There are a thousand things that can happen when you go light a rocket engine, and only one of them is good."
Tom Mueller of SpaceX, in Air and Space, Jan. 2011
As someone who had a child when he was 36, I actually wish I'd done it sooner. Much sooner. It's now very common for people to wait until their mid-thirties because they're busy being young and carefree throughout their 20s and getting their careers together, then they have kids.
But I was rubbish at being young and carefree, I didn't enjoy my twenties particularly and I didn't get my career sorted either. I wasted that time. I really feel that time would have been better spent raising a child, when I had more energy and no clue what I wanted to do with my life.
Now, in my 40s, I know myself and I know what I want to do and where I want to be but progress towards any of those goals is like moving through treacle because I'm a parent and it's a time, energy and money sapping business. If I'd had kid(s) at 20, they'd be grown up by now and I'd have a lot more freedom.
So I'd say, if you're good at being young and having fun or driven towards a career, do that. If not, and you think you're going to want kids in the future, then I'd say get on with it because you might figure things out later like I did.
I can't help with the finding someone to have kids with though. That bit is kind of up to you.
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Bwark!
No, it’s not—either for a man or a woman.
You might be in a much worse place had you gone to bars and drank a lot. You might have been victimized.
I wish you would listen to other people saying you’re okay not having kids young.
Many people successfully have children at relatively older ages.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
But do you have other choice?
People, especially women, keep asking me why I didn’t get married and have kids yet and I would be like: “Well, no member of your sex found me attractive in my 20s; surely I couldn’t force them to like me, right?”. This response always shut them up abruptly, because it is the truth and they know it (yet pretending they don’t).
I starting having girlfriends/fwbs after late 30 but it’s too late for marriage and having kids, so no longer aiming for that, I missed the boat.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Yes there’s a biological law for that: aging.
Yes there’s a biological law for that: aging.
Yes but it's not limited to up to 24 years old. Usually it's up to about 35 for women.
_________________
Female
Maybe all that is true-----maybe sperm gets "low-quality" after a man hits a certain age. Maybe women are "less fertile" at 35----whatever!
Still, many older people are successful parents. I see them in the street all the time.
I wouldn’t be surprised if not many men and women of all neurologies don’t get multiple sexual partners through going to bars.
Anyway…..drunk sex tends to suck. Sometimes, you forget it ever happened…except for some soreness in your sexual regions….and having some stranger in bed with you, who vomited all the alcohol crap on your bed.
i didnt fall in my 20s because the amount of drugs and drink i consumed seemed to make me temporary infertile(and a good job an all otherwise with my sex life i probably would of had about 100 children
but then when i stopped the drugs and drink when i was around 30 i fell pregnant straight away and the pregnancy all went well and my now 17y/o son turned out ok
i went through a early menopause though about 44 it started
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Have diagnosis of autism.
Have a neurotypical son.
Most NTs I know had their first child in their late 20s or early 30s. I read that's the best age to have children, as you're more ready to settle down into family life quicker and not be too bothered about going out to nightclubs every weekend getting blotto. That sort of stuff is more suited to the 18-24 age range. My mum had me when she was 26 and my dad was 32. My sister had her first child when she was 29 and she had her youngest two when she was in her early 30s. She's now pregnant with a forth, at age 36. No problems falling at all.
_________________
Female
But I was rubbish at being young and carefree, I didn't enjoy my twenties particularly and I didn't get my career sorted either. I wasted that time. I really feel that time would have been better spent raising a child, when I had more energy and no clue what I wanted to do with my life.
Now, in my 40s, I know myself and I know what I want to do and where I want to be but progress towards any of those goals is like moving through treacle because I'm a parent and it's a time, energy and money sapping business. If I'd had kid(s) at 20, they'd be grown up by now and I'd have a lot more freedom.
So I'd say, if you're good at being young and having fun or driven towards a career, do that. If not, and you think you're going to want kids in the future, then I'd say get on with it because you might figure things out later like I did.
I can't help with the finding someone to have kids with though. That bit is kind of up to you.
I feel like this will be me, throw a couple years on top.
_________________
Enjoy the silence.
Actually, women can usually have kids into their late 40s, until menopause really, but it becomes much riskier that the woman may die in childbirth after age 40. It takes a lot of stamina to carry a baby, and then give birth. The older the woman, the less likely they are to have this stamina and strength. For instance, I am in my early 50s, perimenopausal (almost in menopause but not quite), but I don't have the muscle stamina and strength currently to even get down on a yoga mat on the floor. Part of that is arthritis, which also often comes along in your 50s if you are genetically vulnerable to it.
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