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Sol the Mighty
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 5 Jun 2022
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Alabama

05 Jun 2022, 10:51 pm

I've started therapy about a year ago, and I've noticed a lot of my behaviors don't match up with my parents or the people around me. I've known I was odd for a long time, and I know I am, but I don't know why that is.
As a kid, I had very specific interests and habits that didn't line up with what I heard from other people around me. I kept my binky until I was three and cried when my parents threw it away. I refused to eat green food and only ate yellow food for a time. I was insanely shy and had so much trouble connecting to my peers, and I didn't truly have friends I wanted to keep around until high school. I had the added struggle of being a gifted kid, and I looked to adults more than people my own age because I thought they didn't like me. I was picked on a lot throughout my life, so that affected that image too.
One memorable instance was my fascination with my grandma's hand towels she kept in the kitchen. They were soft and felt nice and I always liked to cuddle them. I still really enjoy soft things today. At the same time, I hate textures like glue, dust, dirt, grass, and sandpaper.
Sometimes I feel like touches stick to me afterward, and some days I hate being touched because every touch feels so BAD. My brain can't stop thinking, and silence may as well be a figment of my imagination because the closest I've gotten is a high ringing noise in both ears. I hear air whooshes and a weird mechanical humming when the appliances are working, I can't read things with videos playing in the background because one gets drowned out by the other, and it's just... hard. Tones and social cues go over my head, and my mom constantly says how I need to be less serious and realize that she was teasing. I genuinely can't tell sometimes.
I've taken stupid online quizzes out of curiosity and boredom, and I keep getting "Moderate to High" for my results. I looked up Asperger's and a lot of things fit so well. I want to get a diagnosis, and if I'm not autistic, well I know there's another thing going on at least, because I am definitely not neurotypical.
I also do this thing apparently called "raptor hands" when I'm in public spaces. I have to get my arms up and have my hands in front. I also can't stop moving unless I'm doing something, and even then my hands are moving. I guess I just hope that someone relates to this, or something I mentioned.



ThisTimelessMoment
Toucan
Toucan

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Joined: 15 Apr 2021
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 277
Location: South Africa

06 Jun 2022, 12:17 am

Hi. You might well be. A lot of what you say is familiar to me, at least.
I have found reading posts on this forum most useful in understanding myself. I would recommend you get as much input as possible from other autistic people. That seems to be the best way of learning.
Be aware that ADHD is often also something neurodiverse people often struggle with. Not being able to be still could indicate that.

Understanding sensory issues and overload is important to self regulation. Being aware of what is causing overload and what can be done to mitigate the issue. If you have intense touch sensitivity then sensory integration work like brushing can help.

Good luck on your journey. You are still quite young and if you are starting to investigate yourself now, you are off to a good start.


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ASPartOfMe
Veteran
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Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,163
Location: Long Island, New York

06 Jun 2022, 6:55 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet

Autism Society of Alabama

Quote:
The Autism Society of Alabama takes the lead on connecting people with information and resources related to autism. If you are in need of information about resources available in your community, don't hesitate to call us at 1-877-4AUTISM or email [email protected].


I see you are 18 years old. If you are going to college in the fall the disability department or the psychology department might have knowledge about where you can get an autism assessment.


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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


autisticelders
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Joined: 23 Feb 2020
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Posts: 1,033
Location: Alpena MI

07 Jun 2022, 6:30 am

first post on this site has some clues.
https://oldladywithautism.blog/


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Sol the Mighty
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 5 Jun 2022
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Alabama

07 Jun 2022, 10:26 pm

Woah, I didn't know expecting certain behaviors from others was a sign! I thought I was just being weird!
And surprises. I hate surprises with a passion. Just tell me, I need to mentally prepare.
And the personal space one really got me. I actually overcompensated and now I stand farther away from people. I used to stand very close, and I genuinely didn't notice that some people were uncomfortable.
And routines. One of my routines is listening to music in the car. I like the motion and the music and it gives me time to let my mind wander. It might be the reason I get so upset when my mom tells me to take them off. I always end up in a bad mood afterward. Huh. The more you know.