I know I need help but I keep rejecting it lately

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I really have a hard time with inner reflection and I do not like talking to people. I can't open up ever because it feels wrong to tell doctors and people about how I feel. It feels like it would be intrusive to open up and it would cause a bad feeling. But it can get to be too much and I can't even express it even though I want to. I can't express how I want to express myself. I do not know why because I feel like I should be able to. I think so much. I love talking sometimes though but that's become something not so good because I talk too much when I do and I feel so much pressure to just act normal. I talk too much to people Im close to and people think I'm weird eventually.

People wish I would not talk about weird things. I wish the same sometimes. I do not understand why I do not want to go on my meds yet I feel guilt for not taking them. I have reservations about putting 2 pills in my body everyday. I know I should but its not that straightforward. I wasn't remembering to take them and then I would take them every other day and not realize I was missing days. I tried to use an organizer. It didn't work because I didn't like opening it up and putting them in it. Id also forget to take them and sometimes I would not remember which day it was. I just got tired of doing that. I stopped. My parents know and they just let me do it because they cannot force me. Right now it would be a big decision to take them again. Im not ready for that. Im not ready to talk to doctors again. I would like to just work more on myself. I need to do more positive thoughts and relaxation techniques. I need to learn better coping methods. I could meditate. I can't cope with even minor stress, like figuring out what to wear in the morning or if I should go downstairs or just lie in bed. Im not sure if meds can fix that or therapy. Its so hard to do things and I just do not want to admit it, I guess. I do not like when people are concerned about me. I just want to to do things and feel a sense of relief for once. Taking meds and going to appointments just makes things more stressful. I sleep a lot after appointments.