Love on the Spectrum: US edition

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ironpony
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26 Jun 2022, 4:04 pm

Well in terms of a guy not being hot enough, how hot was this guy that went out with Dani, like say on a scale?



Muse933277
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26 Jun 2022, 8:21 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well in terms of a guy not being hot enough, how hot was this guy that went out with Dani, like say on a scale?



Gosh it's hard for me to rate. I would say he was pretty average looking, maybe a 4.5 out of 10. His face is decent but I think what brings down his rating is his body type along with his voice and mannerisms which makes him seem a bit "special". He's a little bit heavy set, and being quiet and awkward really doesn't help him out at all. So I can see why Dani didn't feel any romantic attraction towards him. Which is too bad because they probably would have been compatible BUT you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone.

I think for Adan from Love On The Spectrum, his best bet (right now) is to try and lose some weight and to turn some of that fat into muscle. He may not ever be a skinny guy but he can certainly look stout and muscular and trust me, that would help him. And secondly, work on his confidence and mannerisms because I think if he sounds less awkward, he'll do a lot better. He could be a 6, or maybe even a 7, if he did that.

Here's some pictures of him. Images of him. https://imgur.com/a/nhOBJ0l


Solomon (the guy she chose) wasn't a hunk by any means either but he was tall, he wasn't thin but he wasn't fat either, and he had this great big smile that you could tell radiated positive energy, and this is why I think Dani was initially attracted to him. BUT they had little in common which is why the relationship didn't last.



Last edited by Muse933277 on 26 Jun 2022, 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

orbweaver
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26 Jun 2022, 8:33 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well in terms of a guy not being hot enough, how hot was this guy that went out with Dani, like say on a scale?



Gosh it's hard for me to rate. I would say he was pretty average looking, maybe a 4.5 out of 10. His face is decent but I think what brings down his rating is his body type along with his voice and mannerisms which makes him seem a bit "special". He's a little bit heavy set, and being quiet and awkward really doesn't help him out at all. So I can see why Dani didn't feel any romantic attraction towards him. Which is too bad because they probably would have been compatible BUT you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone.

Here's some pictures of him. Images of him. https://imgur.com/a/nhOBJ0l

Solomon (the guy she chose) wasn't a hunk by any means either but he was tall, he wasn't thin but he wasn't fat either, and he had this great big smile that you could tell radiated positive energy, and this is why I think Dani was initially attracted to him. BUT they had little in common which is why the relationship didn't last.


I suspect Dani wants someone more NT-passing in addition to conventionally attractive. Good luck with finding an animation fan... unless she's willing to switch teams (lot of LGBTQ women in animation)

Solomon was conventionally attractive and actually reminded me more of the stoner types I've known than of someone more stereotypically autistic. He wouldn't have stood out wearing a drug rug and hanging out on the beach, in the beach towns I lived in during the 90s.


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26 Jun 2022, 8:43 pm

A part of how attractive you "look" is also your mannerisms. Unfortunately for a lot of autistic guys, what makes them undesirable in the eyes of women is their awkward mannerisms which makes them look nerdy and/or special. There's something about the particular mannerisms that make women lose sexual attraction in many cases, especially if the women is attracted to traditionally "confident and alpha" guys.

There's plenty of guys that look like Adan, who even look worse than Adan, with girlfriends, but these guys tend to be neurotypical or at least don't come off as socially awkward. Like I said, it's the stereotypical "autistic demeanor" that turns many women off in terms of sexual attraction. This is also a big reason why autistic men are disproportionally more likely to be involuntarily celibate compared to women.


And if you combine below average looking with a nerdy demeanor, it's a double whammy. Girls only like "awkward and nerdy" guys if the guy is at least somewhat handsome. If he looks like a traditional neckbeard, then this nerdy and awkward demeanor is only going to be a disadvantage.



ironpony
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26 Jun 2022, 9:00 pm

Why is that women find the awkward mannerisms an a turn off but guys don't care? As long as woman has a good heart, good hygiene, and a vagina, that's good enough for most guys in comparison?



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26 Jun 2022, 9:43 pm

ironpony wrote:
Why is that women find the awkward mannerisms an a turn off but guys don't care? As long as woman has a good heart, good hygiene, and a vagina, that's good enough for most guys in comparison?


It depends. Lots of awkward/weird women can get sex, can get relationships while they're still young/in college/etc, but the moment the guy is ready to get married, we're dumpsville and he marries someone more "together." We can't get commitment from NT men, because we're "too much." Speaking as someone who didn't do well with the men that most middle class NT women consider dateable/marriageable. And sometimes they're only interested in our mask and or don't grasp how much our autism actually impacts us.

Or we can finally attract a commitment but it's with someone abusive, infantilizing, and/or exploitative.

And sometimes, if we're heavily emotionally dysregulated, it's hard for someone to actually be with us. I had to become far far far more regulated, and some of my autism traits had to actually mellow a bit (I became less self centered eventually and I got less obsessive and single focused in my 40s), before I could even be in the relationship I'm in.


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26 Jun 2022, 10:27 pm

I knew a young autistic woman in college, who I got set up on a blind date with, but it didn't workout.

She was (in all honesty) not that attractive. She wasn't super ugly or obese, but she was pretty average at best. In fact, her face was a little bit below average. I'd give her a solid 4 or 4.5 out of 10.

Still, she had ZERO problems with finding guys for short term relationships. In fact, she told me about all of her wild sex adventures as a young 22 year old college student, and how she would go to a bar, make out with random guys, have sex with them, and get super drunk all the time.

She was, by her own definition, "crazy". She was an avid drug user that liked to drink and smoke, and was sexually promiscuous. Her friends were all of the "party and stoner" types who liked going bar hopping and doing all sorts of illegal drugs. She had many different boyfriends but most of them didn't work out, as she seemed to have trouble keeping guys around and many of her past boyfriends were abusive.



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26 Jun 2022, 10:44 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
She was (in all honesty) not that attractive. She wasn't super ugly or obese, but she was pretty average at best. In fact, her face was a little bit below average. I'd give her a solid 4 or 4.5 out of 10.

Still, she had ZERO problems with finding guys for short term relationships. In fact, she told me about all of her wild sex adventures as a young 22 year old college student, and how she would go to a bar, make out with random guys, have sex with them, and get super drunk all the time.


I think this compliments orbweavers points but it's not just socially awkward females but also average looking (even below average) autistic females who are easily able to have short term hookups. Always willing men.

The problem is when it comes out in the wash that both groups face the problem that those NT men don't necessarily want to live with somebody with whom has underlying mental health issues. This contrasts with women with physical disabilities where their behaviour and psychological profile is consistent/NT and predictable, The lack of predictability in a girl with a neurological disorder makes it much more challenging to have a long term relationship.



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26 Jun 2022, 10:56 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
She was (in all honesty) not that attractive. She wasn't super ugly or obese, but she was pretty average at best. In fact, her face was a little bit below average. I'd give her a solid 4 or 4.5 out of 10.

Still, she had ZERO problems with finding guys for short term relationships. In fact, she told me about all of her wild sex adventures as a young 22 year old college student, and how she would go to a bar, make out with random guys, have sex with them, and get super drunk all the time.


I think this compliments orbweavers points but it's not just socially awkward females but also average looking (even below average) autistic females who are easily able to have short term hookups. Always willing men.

The problem is when it comes out in the wash that both groups face the problem that those NT men don't necessarily want to live with somebody with whom has underlying mental health issues. This contrasts with women with physical disabilities where their behaviour and psychological profile is consistent/NT and predictable, The lack of predictability in a girl with a neurological disorder makes it much more challenging to have a long term relationship.


Things I had to change to be in the relationship I'm in:

I had to become more responsible.
I had to develop a more mature method of entering relationships.
I had to stop having open meltdowns all the time, and had to be in a more stable place emotionally and mentally.
I had to stop demanding my own way all the time because of my own rigidity.
I had to start actually listening to other people.
I had to be willing to talk about stuff besides My Thing.
I had to actually become less selfish.
I had to stop having major temper issues.
And I had to learn to get along with the other people in a partner's life.

I did not have this actual level of maturity until my 40s. But I did not want to be with someone as unstable as I was, and I did a lot of work on myself to become more stable.

It's not like I'm miraculously no longer autistic. I have not been stably employed at any point in the last 10 years, but I am generally calm and even tempered and didn't used to be.


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27 Jun 2022, 2:40 am

orbweaver wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
She was (in all honesty) not that attractive. She wasn't super ugly or obese, but she was pretty average at best. In fact, her face was a little bit below average. I'd give her a solid 4 or 4.5 out of 10.

Still, she had ZERO problems with finding guys for short term relationships. In fact, she told me about all of her wild sex adventures as a young 22 year old college student, and how she would go to a bar, make out with random guys, have sex with them, and get super drunk all the time.


I think this compliments orbweavers points but it's not just socially awkward females but also average looking (even below average) autistic females who are easily able to have short term hookups. Always willing men.

The problem is when it comes out in the wash that both groups face the problem that those NT men don't necessarily want to live with somebody with whom has underlying mental health issues. This contrasts with women with physical disabilities where their behaviour and psychological profile is consistent/NT and predictable, The lack of predictability in a girl with a neurological disorder makes it much more challenging to have a long term relationship.


Things I had to change to be in the relationship I'm in:

I had to become more responsible.
I had to develop a more mature method of entering relationships.
I had to stop having open meltdowns all the time, and had to be in a more stable place emotionally and mentally.
I had to stop demanding my own way all the time because of my own rigidity.
I had to start actually listening to other people.
I had to be willing to talk about stuff besides My Thing.
I had to actually become less selfish.
I had to stop having major temper issues.
And I had to learn to get along with the other people in a partner's life.

I did not have this actual level of maturity until my 40s. But I did not want to be with someone as unstable as I was, and I did a lot of work on myself to become more stable.

It's not like I'm miraculously no longer autistic. I have not been stably employed at any point in the last 10 years, but I am generally calm and even tempered and didn't used to be.


Is there a cost to masking? not suggesting anything but just curious?



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28 Jun 2022, 6:11 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I thought maybe if I had sex with a guy then they would want a relationship...I just wasn't aware of guys picking up easy chicks they don't want to date but will have sex with. And idk didn't know I was an 'easy' chick, legit thought having sex with a guy might make theem develop feelings and want a relationship with me.

This seems like a lose-lose situation because if the guy is confident he can find other sex partners, he isn't going to stay with someone who has sex with him simply because she believes it's expected of her. To want to stay with her he would want to feel she really wanted the sex and genuinely enjoyed it.


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28 Jun 2022, 2:55 pm

MaxE wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I thought maybe if I had sex with a guy then they would want a relationship...I just wasn't aware of guys picking up easy chicks they don't want to date but will have sex with. And idk didn't know I was an 'easy' chick, legit thought having sex with a guy might make theem develop feelings and want a relationship with me.

This seems like a lose-lose situation because if the guy is confident he can find other sex partners, he isn't going to stay with someone who has sex with him simply because she believes it's expected of her. To want to stay with her he would want to feel she really wanted the sex and genuinely enjoyed it.


Is this true of all guys though? For done guys, would the expectation just be enough, if he still liked her?



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29 Jun 2022, 6:19 am

ironpony wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I thought maybe if I had sex with a guy then they would want a relationship...I just wasn't aware of guys picking up easy chicks they don't want to date but will have sex with. And idk didn't know I was an 'easy' chick, legit thought having sex with a guy might make theem develop feelings and want a relationship with me.

This seems like a lose-lose situation because if the guy is confident he can find other sex partners, he isn't going to stay with someone who has sex with him simply because she believes it's expected of her. To want to stay with her he would want to feel she really wanted the sex and genuinely enjoyed it.


Is this true of all guys though? For done guys, would the expectation just be enough, if he still liked her?

Would you really enjoy sex with a woman if she was only doing it because she thought it was expected? I am guessing these guys were alpha males she met as part of a scene she was in at the time. Undoubtedly they had no problem finding women willing to have sex.I would think they might continue to have sex with somebody who was eager, willing, and obviously horny. So from their perspective these guys had "better options".

Sure a if a lonely guy finds a willing sex partner he'll stay with her so long as she continues to be willing. None of those guys were lonely enough to do that.


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29 Jun 2022, 8:22 am

That's a good point. When you say those guys do you mean the guys on the show?

And do you mean alpha males are more willing to have sex with someone because it's expected compared to non-alpha?



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29 Jun 2022, 10:49 am

This is going to sound a little mean.

A BIG reason why a lot of the guys who show up on the show have never dated before is because their autism impacts them fairly bad to the point that many of them come off as special needs.

Plus many men with autism, particularly on the lower functioning side, are unemployed/underemployed, live with parents, don’t drive, etc… Normal functioning women don’t want these kind of guys, no offense. They want someone who can take care of themselves.

Plus many autistic men are, no offense, not that attractive. Some are ugly, many are average looking. Average is okay, I think Mark is pretty average looking, but for the ugly guys, especially combined with their autism and inability to hold down a job or live on their own, finding a gf is going to be very difficult.



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29 Jun 2022, 11:03 am

Muse933277 wrote:
This is going to sound a little mean.

A BIG reason why a lot of the guys who show up on the show have never dated before is because their autism impacts them fairly bad to the point that many of them come off as special needs.

Plus many men with autism, particularly on the lower functioning side, are unemployed/underemployed, live with parents, don’t drive, etc… Normal functioning women don’t want these kind of guys, no offense. They want someone who can take care of themselves.

Plus many autistic men are, no offense, not that attractive. Some are ugly, many are average looking. Average is okay, I think Mark is pretty average looking, but for the ugly guys, especially combined with their autism and inability to hold down a job or live on their own, finding a gf is going to be very difficult.


Does autism cause guys to be worse looking than NT guys normally though, if many are not good-looking in comparison?