It feels like doctors encourage you to get worse

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So I live in England and our mental health services are so underfunded. I really appreciate the nhs and I know it could be so much better without the government we currently have in control but I'm still so frustrated. As I've said here a lot, I got diagnosed with bullimic traits, I binge and before medication would starve myself. I got told that since I'm not severe enough I didn't qualify for treatment. fast forward like two years and I go through periods of binge eating every day and gained about 13kg, meaning I'm now about 20kg (44lbs ish) overweight . I also did self harm by scratching, got told that it wasn't severe and ended up escalating to cutting. I haven't done so in months but I've been obsessing over doing it again these past few months so I think it is inevitable. I only ever get them acting fastish on my mental health when I talk about wanting to not be here anymore. I've been referred back to the psychiatrist and we will see how long that takes. In the mean time I feel that if I don't seem bad enough when they see me I won't get help. I'm without a therapist for now too as my case is quite a complicated one that she didn't feel like she could handle as I'm not progressing enough.

I'm trying to lose weight again but slowly and healthily. I'm already starting to notice some changes to my face from doing so but am trying to not freak out since I think that will make me look more attractive which freaks me out for trauma reasons (my parents' relationship left me with trauma bc one of my parents was quite emotionally abusive + cheated with a lot of lies around it and I haven't been able to stomach anything romance related since). I'm so disconnected from my body and face too and I have no idea if I have body dysmorphia because I feel like I'm shaped like a ball with chubby legs. Honestly I wasnt able to tell the psychiatrist everything last time so I wouldn't be surprised if when I say the rest I leave with at the very least a C-PTSD diagnosis that they thought was just BPD traits.

I'm going to try to keep on distracting myself so I don't cut, especially because my brain keeps telling me to do it to my face...

Hope you find some help or distraction

Hey Ivpin,

Suzyb wrote a great post on this thread in relation to mental health workers, which may resonate with you.

viewtopic.php?t=406326#p9050416

I hope you're okay, and I'll respond to your OP soon.

What coping mechanisms helped you in the past when you felt like harming yourself?

They're not encouraging you to get worse.. they're to do no harm, after all. They simply have limited resources and can only treat the most severe cases. On the bright side, your case isn't super severe - that's a good thing. You may be able to improve yourself via a number of means if you put your mind to it. Maybe you don't need medical intervention and can slowly but surely heal yourself. Or perhaps via some combination - maybe with some learning from websites, books, audiobooks/podcasts.. maybe some form of therapy if you can access it etc.

Thank you for that it was interesting to read, especially as I actually am a mental health worker lol. It's an interesting position to have and made me understand more of what is going on on the other side.

Hmm I also don't really know. I'm trying to figure some out but I think the main thing was just keeping busy and around people. Luckily I work evenings 3 times a week and my mum is at home during the day now so that stops me on those days. I used to see friends too but they're all busy with education spare one who is going through their own things right now so I'm not trying to burden her. I'm thinking of getting into video games as a distraction and am trying to join writing contests as well. Apart from that my only other coping mechanism was binge eating which obviously is a bad idea :') . Mindfulness helps too sometimes.

Yh I'm not mad at the individual workers. The Doctors at my GP are so nice and the last psychiatrist I saw was so compassionate, it just makes me angry that they don't get the funding they need so it feels like the gov is pushing it that way. I also work in a mental health centre so I constantly hear about people struggling who aren't getting support and are being told you aren't doing x so we can't help.

I recently got a self help book for binge eating and a DBT book which I'm going through. They're really enlightening and also make me question the validity of diagnoses to be honest. For example, it says with eating disorders it is really common for sufferers to drift in between labels so that if you saw them one month they might fit the criteria for bullimia and then 5 months later fit the criteria for atypical anorexia. The more people I see at my job I also wonder if any person just has one condition and I swear they should screen because so many of them most likely have autism.

You're also right, I should be happy my case isn't severe. I'll try to focus on that, especially since my antidepressants are why I even have a job in the first place. Without them I'd not even have that and it does fulfill me. I read that therapy and self help are a really good combo for what I have and I'm trying to see if I can find any support groups. Someone at my workplace may have connections, with us being linked to the NHS and all.

Thank you. My work is definitely helping :')

Hi ivpin,

I'm so sorry for the late response. I hope you've been doing okay. Also, sorry for that link to the thread I sent you before, as it wasn't really connected to your grievances. But I'm glad you found it useful anyway!

Will you be writing things down ahead of your next psychiatrist appointment, explaining everything you've been going through - just so you're able to tell them everything this time?

Video games are an excellent distraction. Do you own any consoles? Yes, mindfulness can be great too. It can help you be more present and less disconnected from your body.