Do you think this is true (not for everyone)?

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Earthbound_Alien
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18 Jun 2022, 8:18 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
Earthbound_Alien wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm aware that a lot of autistics have difficulties in both or neither. Also I think having difficulties with both could be down to autism severity and co-morbids.

But I think relationships are easier for some autistic women than they are for a lot of autistic men.


no its a struggle trying to be normal.


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Girls, however, are much more complicated, and it's more common in autistic girls to desire friendships than it is for autistic boys. And if a girl is an outcast or whatever, she may want to hide it by being bitchy, rather than forming a group with other outcasts and accepting their differences. And girls are under more pressure to be mature. In high school us girls had to stand around gossiping while boys still seemed to get to play. It was actually socially unacceptable for girls to climb the climbing-frame at high school. Once I did, and a boy came along and called me an f-ing freak.



no

and the boys liked me, the girls didnt

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Again, I'm not speaking for every autistic person.


i know


I got bullied and mocked a lot. I didn't understand why they were being nasty to me when I was friendly towards them. I still don't understand the human need for nastiness. I was very naive and overly trusting. social idiot basically...intellectually smart but a social dimwit.

I did not develop the same as my peers cognitely or physically.

I was behind in some ways but in front in others so both backwards and forwards at the same time.

hfa or autistic savannt

they may have picked up on the difference between me and them

even my mum asked me 'if I could try to be a bit more normal please'

error no, I'm ok with being weird



kraftiekortie
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18 Jun 2022, 8:21 am

I was the recipient of a lot of nastiness when I was in school, even though I was friendly.



Joe90
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18 Jun 2022, 12:45 pm

I was seen as the class retard, unfortunately. I remember when I was about 11 I accidentally made a mess on another girl's white school shirt, and she was anxious all day because she said her mum will be really angry, as she'd somehow got her other white school shirt dirty as well. So when she got home and her mum yelled, she probably said "it was the retarded kid in my class!"

I don't blame her for (probably) saying that. I just wish it wasn't me who was the class retard.


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klanka
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18 Jun 2022, 2:53 pm

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
klanka wrote:
He's having trouble putting himself in your shoes which is similar to empathy yes.

When someone has an obvious disability like being in a wheelchair there is usually one or two in a group who will put themselves out. But for autism, it would have to be officially recognised by the church or workplace to get proper help. So you had the same experience in church then.
Smaller churches are usually better for asd .


I was at a church gathering other day, they were very friendly and the vicar was kind enough to drive me home.

I am not religious I ended up there by accident but they fed me with a sausage roll and chocolate cake (no paleo I know)

they were very sweet and they gave me a bible read.

I am not anti religion...each to their own


I'm trying paleo now. People keep offering me crisps,bread biscuits etc. So I go off it a bit.
When I stick to it I feel better.



Earthbound_Alien
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18 Jun 2022, 5:37 pm

klanka wrote:
Earthbound_Alien wrote:
klanka wrote:
He's having trouble putting himself in your shoes which is similar to empathy yes.

When someone has an obvious disability like being in a wheelchair there is usually one or two in a group who will put themselves out. But for autism, it would have to be officially recognised by the church or workplace to get proper help. So you had the same experience in church then.
Smaller churches are usually better for asd .


I was at a church gathering other day, they were very friendly and the vicar was kind enough to drive me home.

I am not religious I ended up there by accident but they fed me with a sausage roll and chocolate cake (no paleo I know)

they were very sweet and they gave me a bible read.

I am not anti religion...each to their own


I'm trying paleo now. People keep offering me crisps,bread biscuits etc. So I go off it a bit.
When I stick to it I feel better.



ii get gut issues but then I am celiac...so paleo works for me

I also like fresh home cooked food

meat, oily fish, fruit, veg



Earthbound_Alien
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18 Jun 2022, 5:38 pm

makes me a bit less autistic, certainly less ataxia



Last edited by Earthbound_Alien on 18 Jun 2022, 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Earthbound_Alien
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18 Jun 2022, 5:39 pm

I love a good roast dinner



Mountain Goat
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18 Jun 2022, 5:47 pm

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
I love a good roast dinner


Yum!



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18 Jun 2022, 5:55 pm

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
makes me a bit less autistic, certainly less ataxia


Interesting.

I experienced some reduction of autistic presentation while I was on the Atkins Diet for about a year, then - years later - I found out I had celiac, and went gluten free. And experienced some reduction of the same symptoms.

I am not as visibly autistic as I was. It's easier to cope with a lot of things without celiac based neuro symptoms.


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19 Jun 2022, 4:37 am

I've seen quite a few women here complaining about difficulties finding a romantic relationship too. But these women tend not to be as visible as the lonely men here, because they tend not to complain about it as often or at as great length.

My guess is as to a possible reason for this MIGHT be that when a woman (especially a young woman) here complains about being alone, she attracts unwanted, overly-forward private messages from some of the lonely men here, and most women, even most lonely women, don't like being approached by faceless strangers online.


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19 Jun 2022, 6:28 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
I've seen quite a few women here complaining about difficulties finding a romantic relationship too. But these women tend not to be as visible as the lonely men here, because they tend not to complain about it as often or at as great length.

My guess is as to a possible reason for this MIGHT be that when a woman (especially a young woman) here complains about being alone, she attracts unwanted, overly-forward private messages from some of the lonely men here, and most women, even most lonely women, don't like being approached by faceless strangers online.


But what you just said logically implies that those women could get a relationship, just not the kind that they want. In particular, they could get a long distant relationship with “faceless people” you just mentioned. Now, as a guy, when I go to a dating site (Christian dating for free) I also look for long distance relationship with faceless people, yet I can’t get even that.

Okay to be fair, there is a bunch of third woirlders looking for visas on that site that I could have dated but smart enough not to. But let’s put things side by side. So I am willing to date any faceless woman as long as she is white and isn’t looking for a visa. But women don’t want to dare faceless men even if they do meet those conditions (as most do on this site). So this means that women are pickier than men. And they could have dated some people I would be more than happy to date, if only they could reduce their standards to the kind of standards I have.



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19 Jun 2022, 12:56 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
I've seen quite a few women here complaining about difficulties finding a romantic relationship too. But these women tend not to be as visible as the lonely men here, because they tend not to complain about it as often or at as great length.

My guess is as to a possible reason for this MIGHT be that when a woman (especially a young woman) here complains about being alone, she attracts unwanted, overly-forward private messages from some of the lonely men here, and most women, even most lonely women, don't like being approached by faceless strangers online.


I used to post here about not having a boyfriend, so yes there are sometimes women that do, but it seems to be more regular in men here. Maybe men on the spectrum have a higher sex drive than women on the spectrum, where as women on the spectrum have a higher social desire than men on the spectrum. Again this is not true for every autistic man and woman.

Some autistic men want a girlfriend really badly but don't really know how to go and find one. Some don't know how to put on that charm like a lot of NT men do, and it is nothing to do with looks.
I think some (not all) autistic guys get so desperate for a girlfriend, then when they do meet one the novelty wears off quickly and they (some autistic males) sink back into their usual ways really quickly but still expect the girl to be there as and when he wants, and the girl may feel she has to look after him.
Yes I know some NT men do this too but that's usually just being a selfish as*hole. With autistic men, it's not exactly asshole-ish, as their empathy levels are probably higher than NT men, but their autism not letting them be quite sure how to handle a relationship. That's where the difficulty lies with some autistic men when it comes to romantic relationships.


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klanka
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19 Jun 2022, 3:08 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
I've seen quite a few women here complaining about difficulties finding a romantic relationship too. But these women tend not to be as visible as the lonely men here, because they tend not to complain about it as often or at as great length.

My guess is as to a possible reason for this MIGHT be that when a woman (especially a young woman) here complains about being alone, she attracts unwanted, overly-forward private messages from some of the lonely men here, and most women, even most lonely women, don't like being approached by faceless strangers online.


I used to post here about not having a boyfriend, so yes there are sometimes women that do, but it seems to be more regular in men here. Maybe men on the spectrum have a higher sex drive than women on the spectrum, where as women on the spectrum have a higher social desire than men on the spectrum. Again this is not true for every autistic man and woman.

Some autistic men want a girlfriend really badly but don't really know how to go and find one. Some don't know how to put on that charm like a lot of NT men do, and it is nothing to do with looks.
I think some (not all) autistic guys get so desperate for a girlfriend, then when they do meet one the novelty wears off quickly and they (some autistic males) sink back into their usual ways really quickly but still expect the girl to be there as and when he wants, and the girl may feel she has to look after him.
Yes I know some NT men do this too but that's usually just being a selfish as*hole. With autistic men, it's not exactly asshole-ish, as their empathy levels are probably higher than NT men, but their autism not letting them be quite sure how to handle a relationship. That's where the difficulty lies with some autistic men when it comes to romantic relationships.


Hmm that's an interesting and well-worded take on it.

I guess you mean an autistic bloke with an obsession with model trains or computers may give that up for a bit due to a desire for a relationship, then go back to said obsession?



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19 Jun 2022, 3:55 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Maybe men on the spectrum have a higher sex drive than women on the spectrum, where as women on the spectrum have a higher social desire than men on the spectrum.


For me, wanting a relationship to be official is all about social desire rather than sex drive. It is a combination of the following things:

1) I feel my social status will be higher if I am in an official relationship with someone

2) I enjoy female attention better than male attention, even if no sex is involved. And if she has a boyfriend it kinda ruins it, again even if no sex is involved.

3) I don’t want my genetic line to die out since it would be a genocide against aspire genes which I find unfair.

But I can’t speak for other guys. I am only speaking for myself. From the sounds of it, other guys might in fact be after sex. If so, they ruin it for me. Because I find that whole sex thing silly. So if people assume that’s what I am after, then no wonder they are not too eager to help me out. Except that I am not after sex, I am after those other things I just mentioned. So I feel unheard, misunderstood and neglected.



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20 Jun 2022, 1:53 am

One of the lecturers mentioned sexism against men during the lecture. The lecturer was female. She said that a man without a wife or girlfriend in some social situations is seen as a loser as if something were wrong with him, while a woman without a husband or boyfriend is seen as independent and respectable. For example, a work-related party etc where everyone brings a partner with them*. So a woman is socially accepted either way, but a man has to have a female partner to be socially accepted. Maybe this could be a factor making men more desperate for a relationship than women are?



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20 Jun 2022, 2:05 am

The “lonely men sending messages to lonely women” should, if they are “forward in expressing their desires,” seek to be less “forward” in expressing their desires—and instead write to these women things they would write to their friends.