Trouble with formulating correct responses

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Jakki
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28 Jun 2022, 2:58 pm

People say , that you get more flies with honey than vinegar …
Am not sure people really want honest opinions or frankness . Have often just said I can’t give an opinion, and suggest someone else might give a better opinion.
Unless am knowingly dealing with another Aspie ..but then I have to be careful not to get hurt if I ask for opinion ,
Or if I feel taken back by another person, I might suggest to them different words to say the same thing but
Alittle softer . Cause usually am sure am just passing information between us , so I figure that is what that other person might be doing . :D


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KitLily
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28 Jun 2022, 4:00 pm

SpiralingCrow wrote:
I have the same issue. You give information in the simplest way possible and they don't get it. Even after trying to rephrase it another way, they still don't understand. I wonder if tone of voice might have some effect and whether or not there are pauses between certain words. Perhaps we lack a certain cadence that they expect.


You hit the nail on the head. I can't communicate with such people, I just get blank stares. It's beyond me.

I think it's that thing I mentioned on another thread. People expect certain words or they can't understand. Like SEO on the internet: the words people search for most are the words they expect.

I read in a book that it's something to do with NT and autistic brains: NTs can't understand unless you give them the words they expect. Autistics can put the pieces together to get the meaning more easily, maybe because we have to do it 24/7 in this world.

I hope that makes sense, I can find the other thread if you want.


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SpiralingCrow
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28 Jun 2022, 4:31 pm

I can agree with that. If you don't say the right words in the right way, then they can't process what you're saying. It's like your speaking a foreign language.

We have spent our lives trying to fit into a world that was not designed for us. So it makes perfect sense that we adapt better to nt's than they adapt to us.



Joe90
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28 Jun 2022, 6:33 pm

I find a lot of Aspies here are too pedantic in their writing, like being able to use big words that make them sound intelligent. Half the time I'm here I spent googling word meanings. You need to be pedantic to post in the PP&R section otherwise you get called a racist or a bigot or disrespectful even though you were none of those.

NTs are easier to understand when it comes to use of words. I have trouble finding the right words to explain things so I usually use simple words to describe something. For example, if I was looking for something at work that I didn't quite know what it's called, I'd say "do you know where that black, round thing on legs with the white lid is?" Or if I'm explaining directions to somebody I'd probably be like "go down this road, turn left at the end, go past a big white house, go left at the roundabout and it should be down that long road with the fields either side". I am no good at remembering street names.


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KitLily
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29 Jun 2022, 2:54 am

SpiralingCrow wrote:
I can agree with that. If you don't say the right words in the right way, then they can't process what you're saying. It's like your speaking a foreign language.

We have spent our lives trying to fit into a world that was not designed for us. So it makes perfect sense that we adapt better to nt's than they adapt to us.


That is helpful to realise that fact. I hadn't quite put it together til now. 'The right words in the right way'. And of course we don't know what the correct words and order are because our brains don't work the same way!

Yes we are probably more adaptable. I like adaptable people. When I move out of the backwater village I live in, hopefully I'll meet a wider variety of adaptable people. It's like Stepford where I live now :roll:


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Jakki
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29 Jun 2022, 9:21 am

There is one of my issues .. about pedantic …! Grrr… for me , it’s not about being pedantic , it is the issue of not
Having immediate words that are simpler to understand . It is how I learned to use words . Then when I try to use
More basic language .. it makes me stop and think , and that action of doing that , stops the thought process and the line of discussion that I was trying to convey . So periodically , I end up having to say , ( I forgot where I was going with that) . It’s frustrating! I really do not mind if after the sentence has been said , any questions about the words I used. Occasionally , if at the beginning of the thought , I consider that a more basic way of using words might be necessary . Then I can consider as I am assembling the thought , of more basic words to use .But it can lead to over analyzing . What I am going to say?To consider if it conveys the same meaning ? And doing that can mess with
Timing of insertion of my thought into any convo . Usually can do better at doing this at adjusting my wording if I can review it in the written word…… 8O


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KitLily
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30 Jun 2022, 6:11 am

Yes, I can't be bothered with pedantic people. I go where the conversation goes! If it goes off on tangents, so be it. If someone insists on dragging me back to the first point they made, I've either forgotten or don't care or both.


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