Should my gf judge me based on these books I own?

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hurtloam
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24 Jun 2022, 1:29 pm

Ha, it's like the blind leading the blind here.



ironpony
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24 Jun 2022, 1:31 pm

Well she gets really political about it. it's just that she is really politically sensitive and if someone dies not agree with her on everything it's a living hell to her for some reason.

I feel like telling her that not everyone is going to agree with her in every little thing, and I'm going to read and digest the media I want to, and too bad if you don't like it. Would that be out of line though?



hurtloam
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24 Jun 2022, 1:35 pm

Wimmin gots feelings and principles. Wow.



orbweaver
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24 Jun 2022, 1:42 pm

...I have to ask if *she* reads dating books.

Ages ago, I used to hang out in the female equivalent of some of these dating advice communities (The Rules for example) and one thing they advised was to not keep your dating books out in plain view because most men would run screaming if they saw The Rules out on a coffee table.


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aspiemike
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24 Jun 2022, 3:15 pm

I an with those who suggest not to back down. You already explained why you read them books when you were younger and it wasn't good enough for her. Let her sulk on her own if she thinks everyone has to agree with her way of thinking. Chances are if you have been this far in a relationship with her, she will come back and act like a mature responsible adult before too long and have a conversation.


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nick007
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24 Jun 2022, 3:37 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well she gets really political about it. it's just that she is really politically sensitive and if someone dies not agree with her on everything it's a living hell to her for some reason.

I feel like telling her that not everyone is going to agree with her in every little thing, and I'm going to read and digest the media I want to, and too bad if you don't like it. Would that be out of line though?
It does sound kinda harsh to me but your completely right. If your gonna have to agree with her 100% of the time or at least pretend to agree with her, it would feel like your constantly masking which would lead to resentment & the built up stress would lead to mahorly shutting down or having a bad meltdown with her. I would try to agree to disagree with her & try to just drop the suject & not bring it up. However if she keeps bringing it up & holding it against you, your gonna have to be harsh with her. It may help to tell her that you never meant to hurt her by reading those books since it was before you even knew her & your very sorry she's hurt but she should judge you based on how you've been after you two got together. You can not change your past & people make mistakes & learn & grow from things. Also let her know that you feel attacked because she is being very judgemental & accusing you by looking for hidden meanings that are not there. if she really cares about you, she would feel bad for upsetting you. I would only tell her that if she doesn't move on from this.



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24 Jun 2022, 3:50 pm

All autisitcs need a little help in the dating game, autism is social skill difficulties anyway. I would have hoped she would understand that if she was worth her salt and given you a break for it rather than chew you out.

I would be firm with her. She can judge all she likes but she's judging an autistic man for having books on how to date.....says more about her than it ever will about you if she refuses to move on from it.



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24 Jun 2022, 3:53 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well she gets really political about it. it's just that she is really politically sensitive and if someone dies not agree with her on everything it's a living hell to her for some reason.

I feel like telling her that not everyone is going to agree with her in every little thing, and I'm going to read and digest the media I want to, and too bad if you don't like it. Would that be out of line though?
That would not be out of line.  She seems to be of the controlling type.  You may be better off without her.  Maybe not.



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24 Jun 2022, 4:04 pm

Nades wrote:
All autisitcs need a little help in the dating game, autism is social skill difficulties anyway. I would have hoped she would understand that if she was worth her salt and given you a break for it rather than chew you out.

I would be firm with her. She can judge all she likes but she's judging an autistic man for having books on how to date.....says more about her than it ever will about you if she refuses to move on from it.


Ok thanks. She is autistic as well though but should that be taken into account or does that change anything?



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24 Jun 2022, 4:05 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Wimmin gots feelings and principles. Wow.


It's good to have principlesbut a person cannot expect everyone else to have the same principles as them and not be okay with it if they don't, because isn't that unrealistic?



Nades
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24 Jun 2022, 4:14 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Wimmin gots feelings and principles. Wow.


She can have whatever feelings and principal she wants, but like Ironpony, she can be judged for them too.

An autisitc guy with social skill difficulties once owned and read books on how to date.....not exactly worth the scorn he's been given isn't it?



Nades
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24 Jun 2022, 4:16 pm

ironpony wrote:
Nades wrote:
All autisitcs need a little help in the dating game, autism is social skill difficulties anyway. I would have hoped she would understand that if she was worth her salt and given you a break for it rather than chew you out.

I would be firm with her. She can judge all she likes but she's judging an autistic man for having books on how to date.....says more about her than it ever will about you if she refuses to move on from it.


Ok thanks. She is autistic as well though but should that be taken into account or does that change anything?


Take it into account yes, but still this is black and white to me. You have autism, autism makes dating difficult so you bought some books on how to date that might have offensive titles.

She's a dick if she judges you for that in my honest opinion. She's free to judge but so are you to return the favour.



Last edited by Nades on 24 Jun 2022, 4:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

orbweaver
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24 Jun 2022, 4:29 pm

ironpony wrote:
Nades wrote:
All autisitcs need a little help in the dating game, autism is social skill difficulties anyway. I would have hoped she would understand that if she was worth her salt and given you a break for it rather than chew you out.

I would be firm with her. She can judge all she likes but she's judging an autistic man for having books on how to date.....says more about her than it ever will about you if she refuses to move on from it.


Ok thanks. She is autistic as well though but should that be taken into account or does that change anything?


Nope. The best I've ever been treated has been by other NDs, but the worst I've ever been treated has also been by other NDs. I've also been a good partner - now - and a s**t partner - in the past. Don't put up with being treated poorly. Make sure that you have firm boundaries and communicate them bluntly. Sometimes we (autistics) only learn stuff the hard way.


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nick007
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25 Jun 2022, 1:45 am

orbweaver wrote:
...I have to ask if *she* reads dating books.

Ages ago, I used to hang out in the female equivalent of some of these dating advice communities (The Rules for example) and one thing they advised was to not keep your dating books out in plain view because most men would run screaming if they saw The Rules out on a coffee table.
I'd bet the 1st rule in dating books & PUA books is~ You do not talk about dating & PUA books. The 2nd rule in those books would be~ You do not talk about dating & PUA books :wink:


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Eurythmic
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25 Jun 2022, 7:35 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well she gets really political about it. it's just that she is really politically sensitive and if someone dies not agree with her on everything it's a living hell to her for some reason.


Hand wringing sooks like this are a liability.

"politically sensitive" and makes everything a living hell if she doesn't agree with what you think.
Cripes mate time to cut her loose.

My partner and I disagree (quite strongly) on a number of world matters, but we also accept that and can agree to disagree.

"Politically sensitive" sounds like someone who is an absolute drain to be around.



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25 Jun 2022, 8:26 pm

ironpony wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Wimmin gots feelings and principles. Wow.


It's good to have principlesbut a person cannot expect everyone else to have the same principles as them and not be okay with it if they don't, because isn't that unrealistic?


I think she is more concerned with the idea you might not genuinely like her, if you were reading that kind of stuff. Maybe it's made her self conscious that maybe you just see her as a 'pretty woman that you got into bed' than an individual person and partner you really care about, since some books like that sort of seem to forget women are people and may want a genuine connection not just a script to get them in bed.

Are those books even really the hill you want to die on? for certain I don't think being stubborn on this issue will impress her. Maybe talk to her about why it offends her and be open a bit to her perspective, and try to find middle ground.


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