Please advise, feeling upset:-(

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I've had to come off my antidepressants after being on them for 12 years now. I refuse to take any others due to having adhd as the conventional ones make me depressed and zombiefied.

I have been feeling upbeat and expected a crash, but it's like all my emotions are now over whelming me as I forgot how to feel. I feel sickened that this is my existence now - no job, little money, no trips, holidays, happiness, excitement, romance, nothing. I'm 52 and this is the rest of my life? I feel like I'm 85. I want to die and just get it over with. This isn't depression, it's shock. Mental shock. I don't know how I can live a life like this. I've been living like this for years, but I never knew.

What do I do?

I came off anti depressants and then thought that I had made a mistake going on them. I had a similar awakening to yourself.

So I tried living five years without them....I was too high strung,and anxious without them.

It's horrible isn't it? It's like I can view my life objectively for the first time in years and it's just so dismal. I try to keep my spirits up, but I just don't know what the point is now. I've been having a return of the maladaptive daydreaming for some reason. I feel that it's giving me some stimulation and purpose, but it's just pretend. Living in a permanent dreamworld is just ridiculous.

Well, when I got off them it spurred me on to make good changes. -left the abusive marriage.

Now I'm living in better situation I've gone back to taking them.

Maybe you'll be spurred into doing something...

Why did you have to go off of them? Can you get back on them?

Were you weaned off of them or did you stop abruptly? Stopping these meds abruptly would make anyone feel horrible.

I came off them because they weren't doing anything and I was depressed. I can't get treatment for my adhd so I can't take anything appropriate. I weaned off them okay, no problems there. I just feel like I can't process my situation. My marriage is good, I don't need to leave it. My life is just dull and meaningless. I can't go back to my job as it was making me ill. I have no purpose other than cleaning and looking after the pets.

Maybe something will turn up , like volunteering..a different type of job...

I have two ideas, maybe helpful

1. I went back to college at age 42. I think it can also be done at 52. I needed a career change. It was exciting to graduate with my master's and then go on the job market for something new that I am interested in doing!

2. Have you considered religion or spirituality? This can be anything from Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism etc to getting your tarot cards read. You can be Buddhist and not believe in God. I think it's an essential part of being human to question your purpose.

I highly recommend volunteering. There are even volunteer opportunities to be completed at home.

I am your age and was sick with work. I found places to volunteer that valued what I could do at my pace and honored my limitations. Two hours a week... it was doable and worthwhile. Then I found a gig job --- online, an hour two days a week... Again, something small and doable...

Ironically once I had a number of volunteer and low-paid gig jobs, I felt well enough to try meds again.

What would tickle your fancy? Animals, Data, Humans, Hobbies...

Sometimes action follows feeling (I feel awesome this morning, I'm going to weed), but when we feel unwell, often improved feeling follows action (I feel lousy, nothing matters, I will weed anyway, hmmm, that's a bit better, [repeat, chip away at mistaken negative overgeneralizations]).

We are meaning-making machines. Wishing you make/find a bit of yours.

www.volunteermatch.org