differences between boys and girls with autism

Page 2 of 5 [ 72 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

nobodyzdream
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Apr 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,935
Location: St. Charles, MO-USA

07 Aug 2007, 2:46 am

Very interesting, thank you for posting it.

As far as the relationship thing goes, I am a female and have been in a few, I'm in one currently actually. But I never initiated it, or really cared one way or the other to be honest... it sounds bad, I know, lol-I'm not the type that will jump in bed with anyone, but I can be very intrigued by someone quickly, and I guess that's what prompted me to say "okay".

I was never overly enthusiastic from the beginning, and often felt extremely detached... because I have almost all male friends, that becomes a pretty big nuisance in a relationship because jealousy always seems to come into play at some point, and the fact that I am so withdrawn complicates that even more.

I've never gotten the obsession with the person-it's odd, but they are almost always just seen as a friend or acquaintance even for me, and when they ended, I was the one to leave. Granted most of them were horrible, I was clinging onto the little bits that made sense just to prevent the change, it wasn't even about staying with the person... once those were gone, I was out... or I'd hit a point of just being bored all around and it was pointless then to even be there.

I think most of my problems come from my analyzing, and the general assumption that a lot of guys make about girls being so emotional. So when I was having a meltdown or was analyzing and coming across wrong apparently, it was always a huge problem that threw me into a typical category, so to say.

Even in my current situation, which is in many ways better than the others, he's at a loss with me a lot of the time, and has already said he doesn't know if he can deal with it forever. Just the fact that I respected and accepted that extremely easily I think made him a bit insecure. He also has problems with me getting more thrills out of intellectual stimulation than cuddling or anything of that nature, because he thinks I can get that anywhere.

Sorry to go on and on, just kind of analyzing-I am not sure really how it is different for males, and I guess am analyzing my own situation because I am not sure how it is for you guys. (thinking out loud... or while typing, lol, I guess I should say.)


_________________
Sorry for the long post...

I'm my own guinea pig.


poopylungstuffing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,618
Location: Snapdragon Ridge

07 Aug 2007, 3:31 am

Quote:
Girls with Autism are more likely to develop close friendships with their peers.

I don't really have close friendships wit my peers, but I am pretty decent with relationships, I guess.



Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,599

07 Aug 2007, 5:16 am

Article made a mistake: You don't need to be mentally retarded to have "classic autism" -- 70 percent doesn't equate to 100 percent.



shopaholic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 624
Location: UK

07 Aug 2007, 7:02 am

TheMachine1 wrote:
Yes researcher did speculate that many more higher functioning autistic females could be hiding it enough to never get noticed by the system.


This is very likely to be the case. I am almost certainly one of those, though I think if AS had been known about when I was a child I would have been diagnosed, because at that age I did not even understand that I was different, let alone know that I had to hide it. (I thought that I was normal and it was everyone else who was different!)

And as for female aspies being more likely to be in a relationship - I at 41 am currently single and have been for a number of years. For some reason NT guys just don't seem interested in me.....



LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,938

07 Aug 2007, 1:39 pm

The article seemed to imply that girls are worse off than boys with Aspergers, but I suspect that girls have to be worse off for them to be diagnosed. The old theory that Autism/Aspergers is an 'extreme male' brain would tend to exclude the diagnosis of any woman or girl who had a spectrum of symptoms that did not keep her from also exhibiting personality traits seen as 'female.'



Sedaka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,568
Location: In the recesses of my mind

07 Aug 2007, 2:32 pm

i think one reason ive had the relationships ive had is cause i cant stand (NT???) female friendships in general.

ive always connected better with guys... and that in itself prolly lends to finding partners and is why guys prolly have harder time finding partners... cause females are annoying to keep up friendships with (maintainence issues?)

i realize im over generalizing............. but hey


_________________
Neuroscience PhD student

got free science papers?

www.pubmed.gov
www.sciencedirect.com
http://highwire.stanford.edu/lists/freeart.dtl


Star
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 337
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands

07 Aug 2007, 5:12 pm

Sedaka wrote:
i think one reason ive had the relationships ive had is cause i cant stand (NT???) female friendships in general.

ive always connected better with guys... and that in itself prolly lends to finding partners and is why guys prolly have harder time finding partners... cause females are annoying to keep up friendships with (maintainence issues?)

i realize im over generalizing............. but hey


No, you are not over generalizing. I think you ae absolutelycorrect. Yes, girls/women with AS will be more prone to approach a person than guys with AS would. BUT... and that is a BIG but, girls/women with AS will not approach just anyone but someone that they find interesting or feel they can share a potent conversation with.

We are more interested in a mental exchange with another than physical exchange. So, even though we like guys (to TALK with, because they can hold a conversation better than NT girls/women) we do not foresee the fact that a NT guy will see this approach as an interest in getting more (meaning sex etc).

So, while we are enjoying the conversation the guy is planning how to get us into bed. Since we 'like' the guy (due to the mental exchange) we get into a very uncomfortabe situation where the guy asks for more and we can't decide whether to say NO or to say YES. If we say NO we feel we will lose a 'friend' with whom we can talk. If we say YES we end up getting into a relationship that is NOT what we had in mind.

So, yes many gils and women end up in relationships but that DOES NOT mean it is a relationship they wanted. They just want the mental exchange and they have to pay for that by tolerating a relationship. I can tell you that it sucks!

Star


_________________
Autism is a reality that seems to the neurotypicals like a bad dream, while it is their reality that is the true nightmare...


Star
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 337
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands

07 Aug 2007, 5:16 pm

I have found a way t get my pie and eat it as they say.

I seek out homosexual men (gay guys) to have conversations with. We have great conversations, I don't have to be afraid they will think I am coming on to them, I don't have to have sex with them to keep them as a friend. They also help me chose my clothes and give me decorating tips. What more can I ask for? LOL

Star


_________________
Autism is a reality that seems to the neurotypicals like a bad dream, while it is their reality that is the true nightmare...


LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,938

07 Aug 2007, 9:04 pm

Gay men are life-savers!
Some of my most comfortable relationships have been with gay guys.



SleepyDragon
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2007
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,600
Location: One f?tid lair or another.

07 Aug 2007, 10:00 pm

Star wrote:
We are more interested in a mental exchange with another than physical exchange. So, even though we like guys (to TALK with, because they can hold a conversation better than NT girls/women) we do not foresee the fact that a NT guy will see this approach as an interest in getting more (meaning sex etc).

Oh, so much "WORD!! !" to this. If I had a buck for every time I've experienced this phenomenon, I could buy that nice beachfront property I've had my eye on.

Person 1: I love what's between his ears! His taste in music/cars/food is exactly like mine! I shall look him right in the eyes and we will discuss these things for several hours at a stretch!

Person 2: She finds me fascinating! She totally wants me!

It wouldn't be surprising if occasionally the same thing happens, but with the genders the opposite way round. :)



juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

08 Aug 2007, 12:09 am

2ukenkerl wrote:
you probably couldn't pick 3 girls from this forum over the age of 12, that wanted a boyfriend, and didn't have a boyfriend. HECK, I can't recall ONE!


Hello.



Star
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 337
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands

08 Aug 2007, 7:05 am

juliekitty wrote:
2ukenkerl wrote:
you probably couldn't pick 3 girls from this forum over the age of 12, that wanted a boyfriend, and didn't have a boyfriend. HECK, I can't recall ONE!


Hello.


Yes, we want a boyfriend to TALK to, and we can/do get a boyfriend but when that happens, the boyfriend gets 'tired' of our talk, talk, talk and wants sex, sex, sex.

Or PRETENDS he is listening because he realizes that if he pretends long enough he will end up getting sex. So we get frustrated because we assume he is listening, but he is not while he is getting what HE wants, which is sex.

One day we realize he was just pretending, we get mad, shut up and stop giving him sex. Result: he breaks our heart, moves on and finds another girl who talks less and fu**s more! Or he gets mad (thinking we are cheating on him with another guy) gets violent and physically abusive and might even try to kill us.

Aspie women can and have been severely damaged when these above scenarios happens because when we talk to the man we love, we give him ALL our inner self, all our secrets and thoughts, our very soul. When we realize he was fooling us and using us, the damage such a situation brings is HUGE!

No man can understand what a TRAUMA this can be for a female Aspie. It feels like being multiply raped by the man you gave your very soul and body to.

Some women never recover. Some end up never wanting another relationship, some committ suicide, some split into multiple personalities (especially if the NT guy ends up beating or physiclaly abusing them when they stop talking and fu**ing), some suffer such severe stress that end up with complicated health problems, and some suffer ALL of the above!

I know from personal experience.

Star


_________________
Autism is a reality that seems to the neurotypicals like a bad dream, while it is their reality that is the true nightmare...


juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

08 Aug 2007, 10:09 am

Well, you can get around the above by holding out for a long time.

This causes many of them to move on quickly. But that's a GOOD thing.



Yupa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2005
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,585
Location: Florida

08 Aug 2007, 7:09 pm

Star wrote:
We are more interested in a mental exchange with another than physical exchange. So, even though we like guys (to TALK with, because they can hold a conversation better than NT girls/women) we do not foresee the fact that a NT guy will see this approach as an interest in getting more (meaning sex etc).


I have personally had some very bad experiences with women who were exactly like the men you describe (in terms of not wanting to talk, being more interested in sex than relationships, etc.)



cruimh_shionnachain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Aug 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,011
Location: Looking for the ubermensch

08 Aug 2007, 8:05 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
Most medical articles say that girls have it more severe


Quote:
One popular misconception is women on the spectrum are more likely to find a mate. Seems the opposite might be true


I disagree , pick any girl from this forum and there's would be a great probability that she has a mate , unlike the guys here.


YEAH, you probably couldn't pick 3 girls from this forum over the age of 12, that wanted a boyfriend, and didn't have a boyfriend. HECK, I can't recall ONE!

Any HFA/AS girl over the age of 12 who is openly posting with requests for a boyfriend probably isn't a HFA/AS girl over the age of 12, if you get my drift. No intelligent young girl, aspie or no, would do that.


_________________
I'm like an opening band for the sun.
-Pearl Jam

Apathy is not a vice, it is a relieving and downright enjoyable life-choice.