Forum Rules in L&D

Post Reply New Topic

It means "Put in your two cents." Fnord just used the currency of another nation.

Very well, then . . .

[opinion=mine]

The following should be prohibited in the Love and Dating (L&D) subforum:

• Threads or posts on "Who has it better: Men or Women?" (already prohibited; added for completeness).

• Threads or posts blaming or criticizing men, women, neurotypicals, et cetera (already prohibited; added for completeness).

• The various "pills" and other incel topics (already prohibited; added for completeness).

• Porn, smut, and explicit descriptions of sex (already prohibited; added for completeness).

• Threads or posts on "I am a virgin; what is wrong with me?  What is wrong with them?" (probably better suited for The Haven).

• Threads or posts on "Can't get a date; nobody loves me; everybody hates me" (probably better suited for The Haven).

• Threads or posts on sex and sexuality (probably better suited for Adult Autism Issues or In-Depth Adult Life Discussion).

• Threads or posts that are irrelevant to the topic or that re-explain something that has already been explained.

The following should be appropriate for L&D:

• "What can I do to improve my chances of meeting someone special?"

• Suggestions for fun dates -- "What to do on a date?".

• "How will I know if he/she/they really loves me?"

• Difficult relationships (i.e., age differences, cultural differences, long-distance, et cetera).

• General advice on relationships.

[/opinion]

These suggestions are by no means exhaustive, and are certainly up for discussion

I would add:

Cyber-relationships

Relationship safety

Infidelity (to the extent that it doesn't belong in Adult)

LGBTQ dating

Recognising signs of abuse or potential abuse (love-bombing, isolation)

Dealing with gaslighters, cyberstalkers, and other psychological abuse

Communication and assertiveness (especially for NT / ND couples)

Alexithymia and its effect on autistic relationships

Setting boundaries

Living together or marriage

Dating after divorce / as a parent / stepfamilies (also in Parenting)

Support and info for people going through breakups, IPV or DV (also The Haven)

Please, no! This site is a woke dystopia as it is. If you silence/censor the men's frustrations on here, they'll just migrate to highly radicalized sites, like 4chan, Incel (uppercase) forums, and QAnon. (With that said, the in-person QAnon group I joined in 2020 has many women, and very fun ones at that.)

Or... here's a better idea: split L&D into two: straight men's (the most disenfranchized group) and everyone else's. And never the twain shall meet.

Non-gendered relationship or communication questions can be delegated to other subforums.

The twain would need to meet, if one group was making hostile accusations about the other, or if one group was breaking any site rules. We can't go offering immunity to people who slander other groups, or troll threads and members.

In my opinion, it seems a bit misplaced for lonely people who don't have any "love" or "dating" in their lives to post exclusively in Love and Dating, especially if they're going to blame the other side. I can understand posting in The Haven if the topic is about depression or looking for emotional support. Likewise, I can see posting in Adult when discussing hookups and one-night stands, or dating apps that are mostly used for sex. Just my thoughts. I would assume that "Love and Dating" is for people who have questions about their existing relationships, more so than ones they never had. Sure there are some "lonely men" topics that belong in L&D but for the most part I find that their frustration and resentment has taken over the whole subforum.

That's not a slight against anyone lonely. I guess I'm just a literal person. When I go to News I expect to read about existing news stories, and when I go to Parenting I expect to read about existing children, planned children, or even issues with our own parents.

Which is EXACTLY where they belong!

Banning them from this website will not silence them, it will not cancel them, and it does not censor them. It only lets them know that they are behaving like butt-hurt jackasses, and that such behavior will not be tolerated here.

Good riddance!

That's what I thought the L&D was for too.

Aspie1,

I think we've bent over backward (no visual intended), to support and accommodate people with "radicalized" ideas, but it's important to draw boundaries for the safety and inclusion of all members.

I notice that you haven't said anything in support of women and LGBTQ groups who have experienced violence, abuse, or trauma. You harp on about your young, female therapist from 20 years ago as if she's responsible for the plight of society. Your only solution is to get us out of your threads, even though we've been responding to questions that you yourselves posed.

You suggest that this is a "woke dystopia". Does that mean only "woke" people care about protecting other members from gender-based violence or hostility (even against men?) Would you say the same about racial division and expect that to be tolerated? Maybe we should divide WP into subfora for different racial backgrounds?

I'm with Fnord. If the tolerance we've tried to extend to people of all genders isn't good enough for some of you, then this isn't the right place for you to be posting. We've tried to have reciprocal conversations and understand other points of view, but I see many people of Incel ideology who can't answer a simple question, or show any empathy for answers we give in return.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 11 Jul 2022, 6:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It would be nice to listen to the input of actual people---rather than relying upon ideologies which are dug up and imagined by people who have distorted viewpoints, and who don't listen to evidence to the contrary, even if it's staring them in the face.

Incel ideology is like a cancer that takes over people’s minds. I have yet to encounter an Incel-infected person who did not express hatred and contempt in other areas, as well.

Given the choice between a “Woke Dystopia” and an “Incel Dystopia”, I will choose the former every time!

Ah, you said "choice"!

Which is exactly why we need to have two L&D forums: one for the Left, one for the Right, and never the twain shall meet.

And maybe have two PPR forums while we're at it.

”Separate, but Equal”?

Segregationists tried that in southern schools, and it did not work for them, either.

Last edited by Fnord on 11 Jul 2022, 6:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^^

Why does gender matter so much to you?

Do you differentiate all people by their genitals, rather than considering them human?

What about online members? How do you even know what gender we are?

That's an honest question because I don't understand how you think.

Not usually, except when choosing a urologist. I want one who viscerally knows what I'm talking about when I'm describing a "dull pain at the base, just past the testicles", rather than having to think back to medical school training. It's no different than a woman wanting a female gynecologist or obstetrician. Otherwise, it's like an aspie patient making an NT therapist angry by answering "I don't know" to the god-awful question "how did that make you feel?".

But if men and women, conservatives and liberals, and other polarized pairs keep butting heads, the what's the real solution, other than for mods to pick a "favorite" side? I suppose we could enact a requirement for at least 40% of the mods to be politically conservative, but it'd be impossibly hard to enforce.

That said, this will be my last post in this thread, lest I get canceled again, as I know I'm not on the favorite side.

Nobody who believes George Soros is “in” on everything, or who calls COVID “Biden-19” should be on the “favored” side.

How can you believe in what you say you believe in?

Aspie 1,

My gynaecologist and my former OB are both men. I chose them based on their knowledge and vast experience as skilled physicians, and not according to their genitals or gender presentation.

I've been sexually assaulted by both men and women. I don't see how gender makes a difference in how I think about what occurred. I could easily "hate everyone" for giving me PTSD, the same way that you hate your former therapist for the way she treated you, but I don't. Instead, I've spent years in therapy and I try to use my experience for helping others, rather than spewing hate and subdividing humans by arbitrary labels or association.

I choose to look past gender and judge people by how they treat others. I don't dwell on my trauma, or contemplate joining terrorist groups as a form of revenge on innocent people.