narcissist people and being used

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snackamigo
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10 Jul 2022, 8:08 pm

Is there a real true way to tell if you are being used by a narcissist? I am always getting into horrible relationships that drain me and these people will get up and walk away from me in dates and not come back, and use me for car rides, and money, and I am so sad everyone has been like that and I don't know how to meet someone who isn't like that.



TimS1980
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11 Jul 2022, 9:16 am

The gold standard for this area, I think, is Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist by Margalis Fjelstad.

She uses decades of expertise to predict and explain. She recommends practical ways to turn things around.



Nic na Mara
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24 Jul 2022, 5:57 am

Tthanks for the book tip. I've struggled with these situations my whole life. Unfortunately, my mother was a real borderline personality, so from an early age I was manipulated into only caring about others and feeling bad and guilty, if I wanted to do something good for myself instead of being considerate of others and to help. There are a lot of people with social weaknesses among the NT's (it's not always the autistic people who behave "antisocially"!) and it's very difficult not to constantly fall into the trap of being exploited and psychologically abused. I'm also desperately looking for a way to recognize and avoid such people or at least to be able to protect myself from them, if I have to deal with such a person again. Unfortunately, I can't expect help and support from other people.



TimS1980
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24 Jul 2022, 6:19 am

Yes, by engaging with the stories of both groups on Reddit, it's become clear to me autistics are dramatically ove-represented among those who suffer at the hands of people with cluster B disorders.

That book really is armor against it, if applied well.

Her book about raising kids who face exposure to that sort of thing is also superb work.



HighLlama
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25 Jul 2022, 2:54 am

Nic na Mara wrote:
Tthanks for the book tip. I've struggled with these situations my whole life. Unfortunately, my mother was a real borderline personality, so from an early age I was manipulated into only caring about others and feeling bad and guilty, if I wanted to do something good for myself instead of being considerate of others and to help. There are a lot of people with social weaknesses among the NT's (it's not always the autistic people who behave "antisocially"!) and it's very difficult not to constantly fall into the trap of being exploited and psychologically abused. I'm also desperately looking for a way to recognize and avoid such people or at least to be able to protect myself from them, if I have to deal with such a person again. Unfortunately, I can't expect help and support from other people.


Two red flags, from my experience:

- Seeking pity/self-image of victimhood.

- Slipping insults into conversations.