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FranzOren
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14 Jul 2022, 8:40 pm

How do I know if someone is lying to me or not? My core symptom of Autism Spectrum Disorder makes it hard for me to learn from my mistakes from being taken advantage of, and sometimes the police are involved.

I know that I said I have neurotypical social skills, but some small part of my social skill is delayed, as I explained above.



Nic na Mara
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15 Jul 2022, 6:02 am

Because of my ASD, I was often in the same situation like you. The people lie to me and exploited me and after all, I'm the fool.
I studied the strange social behavior of NT's, in order to avoid this situations.
I could learn a lot from Paul Ekman's book "Emotions revealed".
I don't listen anymore what the people say, I'm looking what they do and how they do. Then I know better where I really stand with the people.



FranzOren
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15 Jul 2022, 7:29 am

That makes sense.



goatfish57
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15 Jul 2022, 10:36 am

You ask very difficult questions. People lie and that must be understood. Having a poor TOM, being bullied, and being used makes it harder for many of us. That sentence was taken from another person's excellent response to one of your great questions. I have been struggling with this problem for over 60 years.

For example, seduction. I have been humiliated, had my heart ripped out, and stomped on. This happens to many people. My response to seduction is to get triggered, fight or flight mode. My lady friends tend to take it personally and the relationship suffers badly. Understanding when a person is being genuine is a skill I have not mastered at all.

The whole binary response to the world, is it good or is it bad, does not work well. There are so many levels of trust that are nearly impossible for me to understand. You are not alone. Just look at the state of the world. People like to believe lies that make them feel superior to others. The higher the stakes, the more caution is required.

Good luck friend.


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FranzOren
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15 Jul 2022, 12:04 pm

Thank you!



goatfish57
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15 Jul 2022, 1:35 pm

True story, theory of mind in practice. On my afternoon walk, I took a final lap around my local park. A young lady stepped out o the shade and asked "Do you love animals?" I stopped and asked her to explain. She was from some animal society and I asked for the pamphlet. She had none but was willing to read her script to me.

Then I saw her mobile payments device. So I said I do not make payments with those machines. She acted offended, put on her pouty face, and said "Don't you trust me?"

I said it's not you, it's the machine. She had beautiful eyes.

On my lap around the park, I questioned whether to take a different path to avoid her. I summed up my courage and the hell with it and passed her again. She said "You came back", I said "I walked in a circle and wished her a good day."

She had a theory of mind for me and I had one for her, checkmate?


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Not Diagnosed, but have personality traits that are consistent with being neurodiverse. Confirmation bias may be an issue.


FranzOren
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15 Jul 2022, 2:24 pm

Makes sense.



KitLily
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15 Jul 2022, 2:37 pm

Nic na Mara wrote:
I don't listen anymore what the people say, I'm looking what they do and how they do. Then I know better where I really stand with the people.


I'm the same, I don't know if people are my friend and like me, or if they are just using me or making fun of me. I shall take your advice and see what they do :)


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FranzOren
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15 Jul 2022, 4:51 pm

Me too!