16 Jul 2022, 4:45 am
Quote:
I was surprised to see that from a female poster. Is "man up" in this situation a shorthand way of saying to toughen up or something?
Yes it means toughen up. I've never been told to man up before though. I suppose I was just using it because I couldn't think of another alternative.
16 Jul 2022, 6:56 am
16 Jul 2022, 7:52 am
KitLily wrote:
People really need education in how to deal with emotions, don't they. Their own and other people's. Don't take other people's emotions personally, it just shows they need help, it's not a personal attack on you.
From what I've seen of Italians and Spaniards, they don't turn a hair if someone has a meltdown, they just take it in their stride.
Maybe it's an English thing to be hopeless with emotions. Keep calm and carry on. Stiff upper lip. And all that nonsense.
From what I've seen of Italians and Spaniards, they don't turn a hair if someone has a meltdown, they just take it in their stride.
Maybe it's an English thing to be hopeless with emotions. Keep calm and carry on. Stiff upper lip. And all that nonsense.
I think you are right about the attitude that many British people have towards showing emotions. I have heard that a lot.
16 Jul 2022, 7:52 am
16 Jul 2022, 7:54 am
16 Jul 2022, 7:59 am
16 Jul 2022, 8:02 am
16 Jul 2022, 9:58 am
16 Jul 2022, 10:01 am
skibum wrote:
I think you are right about the attitude that many British people have towards showing emotions. I have heard that a lot.
Yes, it's prevalent. They are shocked when someone shows an emotion and often ask why e.g. 'why are you so emotional after you won that competition?'
A friend said to me the other day that she wondered why I was in floods of tears after the very long, emotional year I've had, being the strong one holding my family together through thick and thin. She assumed I'd be happy and joyful, she couldn't understand why all the emotions burst out and made me cry. I told her it was normal to be tearful after having to be strong for so long and bottle it up.
It's like they just don't understand any emotion unless they are feeling the same one at precisely the same moment
16 Jul 2022, 10:11 am
KitLily wrote:
skibum wrote:
I think you are right about the attitude that many British people have towards showing emotions. I have heard that a lot.
Yes, it's prevalent. They are shocked when someone shows an emotion and often ask why e.g. 'why are you so emotional after you won that competition?'
A friend said to me the other day that she wondered why I was in floods of tears after the very long, emotional year I've had, being the strong one holding my family together through thick and thin. She assumed I'd be happy and joyful, she couldn't understand why all the emotions burst out and made me cry. I told her it was normal to be tearful after having to be strong for so long and bottle it up.
It's like they just don't understand any emotion unless they are feeling the same one at precisely the same moment
That is so odd. They would find me peculiar indeed since I am incredibly emotional and have no ability to hide it.
16 Jul 2022, 10:29 am
16 Jul 2022, 10:41 am
16 Jul 2022, 11:03 am
skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
They are hopeless with emotions. e.g. when I lost my dad in the 1980s I was not allowed to show any emotion because that was 'attention seeking' 'making other people upset' etc. So it was fine for me, a teenage girl, to be upset but not other people???
People are more sympathetic nowadays when I tell them that. And they are much more sympathetic to my daughter's emotions at school now, 40 years later.
People are more sympathetic nowadays when I tell them that. And they are much more sympathetic to my daughter's emotions at school now, 40 years later.
WOW! That's crazy!! I am so glad it's starting to improve.
Where do you live, roughly? America?
Yes, when my dad died I didn't get any help or counselling. Any type of counselling was for 'crazy people' and mocked. It's only in the 21st century that British people have had any tolerance of counselling. It was seen as 'something Americans had' but we Brits were tougher than that, we had to keep a stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on.
If you have a problem in Britain, people generally say 'stop moaning. Other people have it worse, so count yourself lucky.'
So when my daughter had emotional problems and school problems, I took up every offer of help for her, I got some counselling for her, I didn't want her to suffer like I had. And she's happier for it.
I've noticed online that Americans are much, much better at being sympathetic and kind when it comes to problems. Far ahead of Brits. A British friend who had cancer pointed this out, she said how glad she was to have American friends when she was diagnosed, they were so much nicer about it.
lostonearth35
Veteran
Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,897
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
16 Jul 2022, 11:18 am
For years crying or getting upset was bad for me to do, not just getting angry. When I was a kid and cried, my mom would yell at me and punish me. Which made me cry even more. Unless I got physically hurt or whatever. I have very rarely seen my own mother cry. When my brother and I were kids we got a letter which was supposed to be from Santa Claus under the tree on Christmas morning, saying I needed to "play outside more" and "cry less". Of course my mother doesn't remember this so when I told her not long ago she was pretty shocked. She's gotten softer in her old age. 
Since women aren't supposed to be as aggressive as men people still think it's not feminine to get angry. Which is strange, since lately it seems like if women do anything even remotely feminine, its sexist even if they like doing it.
16 Jul 2022, 12:09 pm
KitLily wrote:
skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
They are hopeless with emotions. e.g. when I lost my dad in the 1980s I was not allowed to show any emotion because that was 'attention seeking' 'making other people upset' etc. So it was fine for me, a teenage girl, to be upset but not other people???
People are more sympathetic nowadays when I tell them that. And they are much more sympathetic to my daughter's emotions at school now, 40 years later.
People are more sympathetic nowadays when I tell them that. And they are much more sympathetic to my daughter's emotions at school now, 40 years later.
WOW! That's crazy!! I am so glad it's starting to improve.
Where do you live, roughly? America?
Yes, when my dad died I didn't get any help or counselling. Any type of counselling was for 'crazy people' and mocked. It's only in the 21st century that British people have had any tolerance of counselling. It was seen as 'something Americans had' but we Brits were tougher than that, we had to keep a stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on.
If you have a problem in Britain, people generally say 'stop moaning. Other people have it worse, so count yourself lucky.'
So when my daughter had emotional problems and school problems, I took up every offer of help for her, I got some counselling for her, I didn't want her to suffer like I had. And she's happier for it.
I've noticed online that Americans are much, much better at being sympathetic and kind when it comes to problems. Far ahead of Brits. A British friend who had cancer pointed this out, she said how glad she was to have American friends when she was diagnosed, they were so much nicer about it.
17 Jul 2022, 3:38 am
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