How do/would parents feel about a "perfect" child?

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Ettina
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18 Jul 2022, 4:29 pm

I wouldn't enjoy the "perfect child" you described.

The unquestioning obedience is something that my dog shows, and while it's useful sometimes, it also gives me anxiety because I know if I mistakenly tell her to harm herself, she will. (For example, she sat on a thistle once because I told her to sit and hadn't noticed it underneath her.) I'd rather a child who I know will put up a fight in their own self-defense, because then I'll have a clear signal of when I've unintentionally given a harmful command.

I also want a child who will encourage me to think and learn and grow as a person, and that means they need to be difficult sometimes, because they need to think for themselves and that inevitably means thinking up things I don't want at times.

My own baby is fairly easy as far as 2 month olds go (that is to say, she's a bottomless pit of need that's exhausting to look after, but she's generally cheerful when she doesn't actively need something, and she sleeps well at night). But so far, she's a lot closer to my ideal dream child than the child you described.



IsabellaLinton
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18 Jul 2022, 4:39 pm

Ettina wrote:
.... she's a bottomless pit of need that's exhausting to look after, but she's generally cheerful when she doesn't actively need something, and she sleeps well at night ..


LMAO - Sounds exactly like my 25 yo daughter.

Congrats on the birth, Ettina!



Aspie1
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18 Jul 2022, 7:54 pm

Ettina wrote:
The unquestioning obedience is something that my dog shows, and while it's useful sometimes, it also gives me anxiety because I know if I mistakenly tell her to harm herself, she will. (For example, she sat on a thistle once because I told her to sit and hadn't noticed it underneath her.) I'd rather a child who I know will put up a fight in their own self-defense, because then I'll have a clear signal of when I've unintentionally given a harmful command.
First, dogs don't have an instinctive drive to be the alpha in their pack/family. Once they learn their hierarchical place, they're generally content with it. So even if the dog looks unhappy to you, it doesn't suffer from being bossed around, like a human child suffers from eating bland broccoli or taking a nap when he's not tired.

Second, some parents have kids because of a narcissistic desire to have a weaker creature to boss around and raise their social status, rather than because of a genuine wish to give love to a new person. In which case, those parents are better off buying a dog or sticking to "doing other things", rather than conceiving a new child.



DuckHairback
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25 Jul 2022, 11:38 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Second, some parents have kids because of a narcissistic desire to have a weaker creature to boss around and raise their social status, rather than because of a genuine wish to give love to a new person. In which case, those parents are better off buying a dog or sticking to "doing other things", rather than conceiving a new child.


I think a lot of people have kids because it's just the next thing you do once you've been through school, got a job, got married, travelled a bit etc. It's just what's expected and many never question it. That some parents turn out to be narcissists is inevitable but I doubt many people have a child for the express purpose of having someone to boss around. There's plenty of submissive people around they can find to do that to.

To answer the original question, I think I'd accept a perfect child as much as I accept an imperfect one, which is what I have (obviously). I'd worry about the so-called perfect behaviours as much as I worry about mine's imperfect behaviours.


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Pteranomom
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25 Jul 2022, 6:59 pm

That wouldn't be a perfect child. That would be a bizarre child.

I would have liked a lot less sickness and less time in the hospital in my childrens' lives, though. Not suffering would be good.



Aspie1
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25 Jul 2022, 7:20 pm

Pteranomom wrote:
I would have liked a lot less sickness and less time in the hospital in my childrens' lives, though
I was a sickly child. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals and clinics. And unless my sickness or injury was BOTH severe and brief, my parents scolded me for complaining about pain. (I partially blame the county hospital nurses, where I had surgery at age 10, for not giving me the phone number to CPS, as my parents scolded me daily for "whining" pain during my long recovery.) And the family therapist laughed at me when I told her about all that.

By contrast, when I had to be rushed to the ER a year or so prior for a severe injury, where my operation was mostly painless, and my main recovery was just 5 days, my parents were sympathetic and supportive the whole time.

That's why I said a "perfect" child never gets sick or injured, unless it's too severe for "perfection" to be a priority.



funeralxempire
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25 Jul 2022, 7:23 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Pteranomom wrote:
I would have liked a lot less sickness and less time in the hospital in my childrens' lives, though
I was a sickly child. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals and clinics. And unless my sickness or injury was BOTH severe and brief, my parents scolded me for complaining about pain. (I partially blame the county hospital nurses, where I had surgery at age 10, for not giving me the phone number to CPS, as my parents scolded me daily for "whining" pain during my long recovery.) Any my therapist laughed at me when I told her about all that.

By contrast, when I had to be rushed to the ER a year or so prior for a severe injury, where my operation was mostly painless, and my main recovery was just 5 days, my parents were sympathetic and supportive the whole time.

That's why I said a "perfect" child never gets sick or injured, unless it's too severe for "perfection" to be a priority.


Counterpoint: The closer to passing away your child gets the lower the standard for perfect becomes. :lol:


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Aspie1
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25 Jul 2022, 7:26 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Counterpoint: The closer to passing away your child gets the lower the standard for perfect becomes. :lol:
Very true! :thumright: That's why I had detailed, albeit crude, suicide plans since I was 8. I "knew" that my parents would love me more if I was dead than if I was alive.

So... when the medical transport van brought me home after that severe injury, and my parents carried me to my bed, then treated me like they'd treat someone else's perfect child, I lived like a king for a week! :D Good times!

It's eerily interesting how the ER staff at that hospital treated my 9-year-old self with the dignity they'd treat a 60-something investment banker, while most pediatric "specialists" at clinics acted patronizing and/or dismissive with me.



lostonearth35
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13 Sep 2022, 10:12 am

Humans are not perfect. Well, duh! :roll: Humans have got to be the least perfect species on Earth.

Now cats may not be perfect either, but they come so close it's scary. :cat:



Aspie1
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14 Sep 2022, 3:32 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
Humans are not perfect. Well, duh! :roll: Humans have got to be the least perfect species on Earth.
The word "perfect" in the thread title is in quotes. It means meeting all of parents expectations and fully compliant with all their rules, no matter how difficult or unpleasant they feel to him. He doesn't bother his parents unless there's a fire, actual or proverbial. He makes it his life's duty to please his parents at all times. Basically, "perfect" to the parents.



Last edited by Aspie1 on 14 Sep 2022, 5:35 pm, edited 6 times in total.

UncannyDanny
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14 Sep 2022, 3:43 pm

Why would anyone need a "stepford" child? :roll: