Being careful not to piss other people off

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a famous philosopher said "hell is other people."

I struggle to identify if I'm pissing people off so I've mostly taught myself to not care.

Yeah I've inadvertently peeved people off and not realized what was going on or why. In my latest mishap I went nearly a week thinking a coworker was unjustly mad at me, come to find out they thought I was mad at them! Lol, man it gets real confusing. I often ask my husband to help know what to say or how to navigate. He says at work its all about being diplomatic in how you say things. I am real glad I have him to help or I would probably accidentally get myself fired for saying something that makes sense to me but to everyone else is the completely wrong thing to say, when I think I'm doing the right thing. Ugh.

I wish we had an autism hotline for to call to say "ok here is the situation going on, what do I say and how do I say it, and who do I say it to, to maximize an optimal outcome and not upset others/get fired etc?? We really need one of those!

When I was younger, I used to be very careful to avoid trouble, but it never worked anyway. The older I get, the less tolerance I have for nonsense, illogic and rudeness. So I say what I think and don't worry about too much the consequences. I sleep better that way.

If I have a strange interaction with someone e.g. a checkout assistant, and I know I was polite, friendly, calm, yet they were snappy, I could that as a good interaction. I did my best, but they must have some problem that makes them act snappy. It's not always me who is the difficult one.

Being "too careful" not to piss other people off... Can lead to dehumanizing thoughts.


In which one isn't allowed to be human -- to be angry, to act on indignation, to have flaws, to have and accept limits, to have needs or feelings because it gets in the way of other people and self-who-serves-out-of-being-too-careful-not-to-piss-other-people-off.

In which one deems everyone else to be worthy of being human -- flawed and emotional and needing to be tended and accomodate with...
In which own needs as human an obstacle to someone's needs; one of which is to not piss other people off.



Is there any wondering why so many autistics, particularly and more so 'HFA's, have mental health issues?

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I don't like offending people. Emotionally hurting people. Regardless. Maybe made this way, maybe not. It is how I am, for good or bad. I avoid conflict entirely outside of self-defense. I'll usually just withdraw if I've inadvertently offended or emotionally hurt someone, but I've been working on this one. Easier to avoid people in the end with my personality, as it hurts me when I offend or emotionally hurt others.

I don't think it's autism here, as I'm well aware of social graces. Autism just makes it hard for people to get to know me as I'm asocial.

Thinking about this, I grew up with a very oversensitive, easily offended mother. I tried not to upset her, but she got angry and offended anyway.

So I tried harder to be more sensitive, more tactful etc. But she got offended and angry anyway e.g. when I dared to go to university.

So I tried harder to be more sensitive, more tactful etc. But she got offended and angry anyway. e.g. when I dared to have a boyfriend, when I dared to get married and have a baby.

But when I got a boyfriend and she was angry, I gave up. Everything I did was wrong and made her annoyed, so I just kept out of her way and lived my own life.

If I meet people like her these days, I keep well out of their way!

As some of you have mentioned, I don't really recognize my own wants, feelings and so on, as I learnt they didn't matter and only those of the ones that made me walk on those eggshells do. Which then transferred to everyone else. I had to learn to walk on those eggshells or pain would be coming my way, so that'll be one of the main reasons why I am how I am. I learnt to feel pain when others would become offended, no matter intent (I never intend to offend anyone), even if it was erroneous via their own disorder (malignant narcissists). Hence, easier to avoid others, even though almost all people aren't like those who made me this way, which will be one of those ironic things.

Growing up with a couple of malignant narcissists and being hypersensitive leads to a funny person, who hates being different all the same, because that too is part of it all, as I'd rather be another knot on a wooden wall; if you blend in you don't bring attention, which can lead to offending or emotionally hurting others without meaning to.