Being careful not to piss other people off

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Noamx
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18 Jul 2022, 10:14 am

This time, I'd like to talk to you about being careful not to piss other people off.

Basically, in most basic situations, I find it relatively easily to do. By basic experience, or basic social rules / skilled I have learned, I know how to not piss other people off when I say something to someone else, or perform an action, and so on. I think, the misunderstanding that pisses me off even more personally is, when someone gets angry at you or pissed off at you for doing something, even though what you've done isnt really a big problem at all. This is a good way to know the problem is theirs, not yours. Not that you, having Asperger Syndrome like I do, is the one causing the negative reaction. Sometimes other people are in a bad mood and I tend to forget it, so I used to think they reacted this way because it was my fault, something wrong I've done. Sometimes its hard to tell if its that or something else, but today, its much easier to tell than it was for me in the past. But generally, I think being careful not to piss other people off is a very important thing. Because, you want to be able to make friends, handle a relationship with other people, have atleast some people who like you, who enjoy talking to you, and so on. I insist there is no need to have alot of friends, but atleast a few people you can call friends would probably be enough. I honestly never felt ashamed of having nearly 0 friends, because I havent found people who I get along with, who are suitable for my style. So the smarter move was simply to avoid these people, not become friends with people I dont like. I think I've done the right thing about this, what about you? Also, can you share how you avoid pissing people off, and what do you think about the whole thing in generally?



skibum
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18 Jul 2022, 10:57 am

I piss people off all the time and I don't care. I no longer have the stamina or the energy to try to spare their feelings.


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DanielW
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18 Jul 2022, 11:03 am

skibum wrote:
I piss people off all the time and I don't care. I no longer have the stamina or the energy to try to spare their feelings.


I agree. I try to treat people as I would wish to be treated as a general rule, but there are times when they don't deserve it or I just don't have it in me to care (or the energy to waste)



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18 Jul 2022, 11:06 am

DanielW wrote:
skibum wrote:
I piss people off all the time and I don't care. I no longer have the stamina or the energy to try to spare their feelings.


I agree. I try to treat people as I would wish to be treated as a general rule, but there are times when they don't deserve it or I just don't have it in me to care (or the energy to waste)
Exactly this^^^


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Fnord
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18 Jul 2022, 11:24 am

If I started worrying about how someone else feels about my actions or words, I would never do or say anything again.  But that might be someone's trigger point too.  It is simply easier to not care than to tippy-toe my way through the uncharted minefield of human emotions.

If I have to apologize (due to a deliberate slam or slander), I will apologize; but if the offended person expects more than that, then they are in for another big disappointment as I simply walk away and ignore them.

Each of us is responsible for our own feelings, and no one else's.



Last edited by Fnord on 18 Jul 2022, 11:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Jul 2022, 11:27 am

In person, I worry too much about it and rarely say much.


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KitLily
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18 Jul 2022, 11:32 am

I try to be polite, considerate and tactful. But I still get told I'm blunt, rude, 'very to the point' even when doing my very best to hold back and be tactful.

So to hell with it. I won't censor myself anymore. I'll just say what I think because they get offended whatever I say.


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skibum
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18 Jul 2022, 12:23 pm

KitLily wrote:
I try to be polite, considerate and tactful. But I still get told I'm blunt, rude, 'very to the point' even when doing my very best to hold back and be tactful.

So to hell with it. I won't censor myself anymore. I'll just say what I think because they get offended whatever I say.

Yes girl!! That's the way!! :heart: :D


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KitLily
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18 Jul 2022, 3:15 pm

skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
I try to be polite, considerate and tactful. But I still get told I'm blunt, rude, 'very to the point' even when doing my very best to hold back and be tactful.

So to hell with it. I won't censor myself anymore. I'll just say what I think because they get offended whatever I say.

Yes girl!! That's the way!! :heart: :D


I'll let you know how I get on! If I'm still alive. :lol: :lol:


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18 Jul 2022, 3:19 pm

KitLily wrote:
skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
I try to be polite, considerate and tactful. But I still get told I'm blunt, rude, 'very to the point' even when doing my very best to hold back and be tactful.

So to hell with it. I won't censor myself anymore. I'll just say what I think because they get offended whatever I say.

Yes girl!! That's the way!! :heart: :D


I'll let you know how I get on! If I'm still alive. :lol: :lol:
LOL!! We are in this together!! :heart:


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bunglebonse
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18 Jul 2022, 6:10 pm

I find it increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut when I feel that a person has said something illogical or ill informed, its bringing attention to me that I really don't want.

I need to just stfu I reckon, it's not worth it, people are so driven by pathos and that will never change, it's the most compelling form or persuasion for a reason.



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18 Jul 2022, 6:32 pm

bunglebonse wrote:
I find it increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut when I feel that a person has said something illogical or ill informed, its bringing attention to me that I really don't want.

I need to just stfu I reckon, it's not worth it, people are so driven by pathos and that will never change, it's the most compelling form or persuasion for a reason.
Welcome to WP! I also can't keep my mouth shut when people say stupid, illogical things!


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Noamx
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18 Jul 2022, 11:51 pm

When it comes to the kind of people who dont deserve being talked to in a polite way, I can understand your thoughts about this. However, sometimes you might be wrong about the deserving, or not deserving, part.
You see, some people who are rude or disrespectful deserve the same kind of reaction / treatment from you obviously, but have you ever cared or bothered to think, "do they really deserve this treatment from me?", or, "were they really rude like I thought they were?", and so on?
Not everything is what it really appears to be, lets just say that.
And to be honest with you, there have been situations in my life as an Asperger Syndrome adult, which I have occassionally misunderstood someone and thought they were being rude or disrespectful, when they weren't really. Or I thought they dont deserve respect from me, because they've done something I didnt like personally, but is not universally accepted as being rude.
The whole "rude" concept is variable and is subject to a matter of personal opinion.
I think, if you can respect other people, or atleast show minimal respect - not necessarily saying "please" every time you talk to someone or ask for something, but simply trying to remain somewhat polite, I think its better off that way.
With all this being said, I agree there are generally many people who are a waste of time, or who get pissed off so easily, they'd get pissed off even if you just made a tiny little wrong move, and so on. These people are a waste of time beecause you wouldnt be able to convince them not to be pissed off about something, even if you try really hard. And although most of the time you wouldnt want to try to convince anyone about these things, even if you tried, you wouldnt succeed doing so, which means these type of people are a big waste of time, and maybe even a waste of feelings, thoughts, emotions.
Yeah, situations can vary and each situation can be dealt with differently. I still insist with the basic concept of trying to remain polite to other people as much as possible, or avoiding situations which could escalate to violence. Sometimes its better off not trying to be a hero every time.



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19 Jul 2022, 12:01 am

The one time I greatly pissed off someone at work it nearly cost me my career. I had to work hard to make up for that and nowadays I strive to be tactful and respectful. It takes energy but it pays back in money and respect.

If the other person is wrong, you just have to nudge them a bit so they realize it themselves, after which they can clean up the mistake themselves without the need for anyone to be embarrassed in public. If they're too block-headed to understand that they're not going to get anywhere anyway in my trade.

I find most people are selective about who to piss off and who not to piss off, though. They're gladly piss off someone who is lower in rank and suck up to a superior in order to get a bigger paycheck.



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19 Jul 2022, 3:39 am

i never could figure out how to avoid offense other than to subtract myself from the picture.



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19 Jul 2022, 5:50 am

I think I could pass for being nice and friendly to NT people, but I'd piss off most autistic people. :D My simple little social brain can't keep track of everyone's feelings. If someone is offended that's too bad. It seems like people are offended by everything nowadays. I don't know how anyone can keep up with all. It's kinda sad that everyone seem to try to justify their choices now. "I like that" doesn't seem to be good enough any more.


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