Alabama church day school used hot sauce to punish kids

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If it's a joke...sure...if you were actually proposing it....then to the hypothetical 27 year old waitress it will be weird

But there is always a gray area between a joke and proposing. As in I make a remark and leave it up to her to decide which way it is. And even if it is proposing, it is a joke too because carrying it out would be funny.

There is a fine line between what's funny and what's weird.

Since that line is FINE (your words not mine), isn't it strange that all those wild+crazy drunks somehow STILL don't cross such a FINE line?!

Talking about putting hot sauce into coffee is just totally useless.

It’s just not funny. Most people would think that this is plain stupid.

When guys have told me weird [bad] jokes as an attempt at flirting with me, it just made me uncomfortable, not that this has much to do with abused children in an Alabama school…

But stupid things *are* funny.

Also, just from the context of it, wouldn't she see that it was MEANT to be funny and she was the one who missed the humor?

Or if she is so totally stupid that she can't even guess it was meant to be funny, then what is so bad about someone simply liking hot sauce?

Not ALL stupid things are funny.

Humor can be tricky to get right.

Meaning to be funny and actually being funny are two different things.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 23 Jul 2022, 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is it along the philosophy that trying+failing is worse than not trying on the first place?

If so, is this also part of the reason why socially awkward with good intentions are being treated more harshly than socially skilled with bad intentions?

Well, perhaps if I genuinely liked a guy, I would happily laugh at his weird joke but probably not unless I knew him already. Otherwise, I would laugh to be polite while feeling uncomfortable.

It’s more like obvious attempts at flirting make me uncomfortable. I prefer normal, genuine conversation. I think this is how it is for most people.

I think there is an art to using humour to break the ice. As Twilight princess mentioned if the woman is uncomfortable with the joke then unless the she is already attracted to you it becomes a reason to not engage any further.

I think Kraftie answered your question

She knows me already. I come there quite often and she lets me have coffee and/or iced tea for free. I don't order other things so I basically don't pay her. I do offer to pay her. Sometimes she would take the money but more often she would refuse.

She also talked to me from time to time. Not that much, usually maybe 5 minutes at a time cause she is busy. During those conversations I would oftentimes complain -- either about poor social skills or about pre-diabetes or both. She would try to minimize whatever it is I was complaining about by saying I am "delightful" and it is other people who are insane for not liking me; she was also telling me I look in perfect shape when I complained about health. When I told her about some funny things I did when I was younger she would tease me and call me mischeavious. Once she asked me to teach her some Russian, I taught her swear words and she seemed to enjoyed it.

There were few times when she attempted to hold my hands, but this didn't happen because she made a gesture towards holding my hands without actually holding them. Kind of like her hands being only an inch away from mine and bending towards holding them. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to reciprocate or not, so I was kind of staring at her hands contemplating whether I should do it, and I ended up not doing it. Then there were few other times when she would stand right next to me in such a way that her stomach touches my side. I didn't move either towards or away from her, I just kept sitting where I was and enjoyed it. It lasted for maybe half a minute or a minute, not more than that, and it only happened a few times.

But in any case, she was calling me her friend. So thats why I assume she won't date me. Like a few times she would say "we are friends" and then touch me in the above described way immediately after that.

One of the times this happened was when I looked her up online and found a bunch of criminal record on her part, and then shown it to her. She told me that she wasn't that woman; just had the same name. Because that woman was 45 and she was 47. But she didn't want to tell me she was 47 right away because women don't tell their age. So when I insisted she tells me her age then she said "I will tell you my age, but only because we are friends". So that was one time she used the word friends. Then other times she would say this when I complain about not having friends she would say she is my friend. And then she sometimes calls me friend just because, such as "how are you doing my friend".

But in any case, all of what I described was BEFORE my request to put the hot sauce in my coffee. I knew her for few months, while this conversation about the hot sauce happened a week ago.



But then in the situation when they make a joke that IS funny, that would also be "an obvious attempt at flirting" would it not?

So what you are saying is that successful attempt at flirting is rewarded, but unsuccessful is punished.

Now, if you were to replace flirting with something else that is positive, such as "being helpful", then would you say "successful attempt at being helpful is rewarded while unsuccessful is punished"?

If the latter is true, would that be the reason why nice guys finish last?

Personally I think it is unfair to punish the unsuccessful attempt on something you would have otherwise rewarded. "At least he has tried" should be a good thing, not a bad thing.

Last edited by QFT on 23 Jul 2022, 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If a guy seems to be going out of his way to be weird and is, thus, making me feel uncomfortable, I’m probably not going to be interested. A small joke or pun is usually okay.

Unrehearsed, normal, and polite conversation is the way to go.

This isn’t about “rewards” and “punishments.” It’s about forming a connection. Not all people who are in the right age group are going to hit it off. That’s okay.

(I’m not much of a “reward” anyway. )

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 23 Jul 2022, 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That sounds like something that would be done in Alabama. I bet the schoolboards in that state still believe in corporal punishment.

Lets look at three scenarios:

Scenario A: The guy is joking and you find those jokes funny

Scenario B: The guy is joking and you don't find those jokes funny

Scenario C: A guy does not joke and has just a regular conversation

You made it clear that in scenario B you reject the guy, in scenario C you like the guy.

What about scenario A? Would you like the guy in that scenario or not?

Based on your latest reply, you wouldn't, since the guy in Scenario A is also "going out of his way to impress you".

However, from what I knew from other sourced, the women would like a guy in Scenario A, because they like funny guys.

Now, if you were to actually like the guy in Scenario A and dislike the one in Scenario B, then its not about being genuine any more. They are both trying to flirt. Rather its about being successful. In other words, its ableist.