Matchmaker Matchmaker

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Dark and twisty individual seeks mother or father figure with nothing to do.

Wanker seeks box of tissues for.....oops too late.

Find me an Englander who's not scared of Germans.

I’m looking for a guy who’s currently in a 12 step program for drugs and alcohol. Let’s get sober together!

Seeking a muscular man to bounce my stress ball on. Must be amenable to the occasional golf ball.

Looking for a skinny English corporeal who likes fat, smelly German sergeants.

I’m looking for a guy who loves dogs. He must have 2 or 3 dogs, preferably golden retrievers. My dog wants playmates.

I'm seeking a kitty-cat loving lady who knows how to trim claws very well.

Looking for a guy who isn't scared of spiders.

Send me a nurse who will nurse me back to health.

I’m on the far Left. I’m looking for a guy on the far Right that I can spend my days and nights arguing with. He must respect my porcelain doll collection.

Looking for a woman who plays the piano just like Edith Bunker

Good singing: optional

awwwww ^^^^. I Edith.


- Guy who moans and growls like Archie, but also has Archie's heart.

I'm looking for a guy with a head small enough to fit in my fridge. Body not required.

I’m looking for someone who is just like my ex. She was perfect in every way. I really miss her.