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why so much bickering here lately ?

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Dox47
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01 Aug 2022, 12:37 am

Matrix Glitch wrote:
This used to be a large forum. Now mostly only the nasties are left.


I'd put it a little differently, more less functional than deliberately nasty, but when that means poor social skills it can amount to the same thing. Basically, anyone who can move on does, and those who stick around are the types with issues that often manifest in difficult ways. To stave off the inevitable question, I mostly peek in out of morbid curiosity and am occasionally drawn to post, but prefer to stay away for the most part as engaging here is seldom productive.


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kraftiekortie
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02 Aug 2022, 6:58 am

I can “move on.”

I’m not “stuck” here because of my “poor social skills.”

I’m not here because there’s “nowhere else to go.”

This is not the “minor leagues” of autism sites.



League_Girl
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02 Aug 2022, 2:26 pm

I have know idea who the nasties are here. Just because I don't like their opinion doesn't mean they are some sort of villain or a bully. Even if I think they're an idiot, that doesn't put them in the nasties IMO.


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IsabellaLinton
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03 Aug 2022, 6:23 pm

Dox47 wrote:
I'd put it a little differently, more less functional than deliberately nasty, but when that means poor social skills it can amount to the same thing. Basically, anyone who can move on does, and those who stick around are the types with issues that often manifest in difficult ways.



What do you mean by move on?
I did my moving on when I retired and sat back in my beautiful home, with time to spend relaxing online.


Matrix Glitch wrote:
Now mostly only the nasties are left.


Such nasty miscreants we are.


Matrix Glitch wrote:
I probably have a stronger constitution than those who ran off or were chased off.


Most of the ones who were "chased off" were spineless, snivelling trolls.
They had no constitution to begin with.

As for "running off", who's to judge why a person leaves?


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The_Walrus
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04 Aug 2022, 5:13 am

I think Dox is suggesting that most people come here because they want a sort of community that real life hasn’t been able to provide.

There are broadly two types of people who stick around. The first is people who really like the site. The second is people who just don’t have any alternative, normally in real life. In Dox’s theory, people who experience a temporary hiccup which they work through soon lose the need for the “support group” aspect of the site.

I’m honestly not sure what the ratio is. It’s easy for me to think of good posters who seemed to have lots going on for them who don’t post here any more, or very rarely. With a bit of effort, though, it’s also possible to think of users who didn’t seem to be leading fulfilling lives who still left the site. And people who do stick around can have all sorts of issues other than being prone to bickering that make a space like WrongPlanet more appealing, or indeed they might have everything lined up and just come here out of genuine enjoyment or habit. It’s easy to think of people who are long-standing users and also generally avoidant of conflict - many of them have posted in this thread!



kraftiekortie
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04 Aug 2022, 7:42 am

As for the last sentence: guilty as charged! :P



Dox47
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04 Aug 2022, 3:06 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
I think Dox is suggesting that most people come here because they want a sort of community that real life hasn’t been able to provide.

There are broadly two types of people who stick around. The first is people who really like the site. The second is people who just don’t have any alternative, normally in real life. In Dox’s theory, people who experience a temporary hiccup which they work through soon lose the need for the “support group” aspect of the site.

I’m honestly not sure what the ratio is. It’s easy for me to think of good posters who seemed to have lots going on for them who don’t post here any more, or very rarely. With a bit of effort, though, it’s also possible to think of users who didn’t seem to be leading fulfilling lives who still left the site. And people who do stick around can have all sorts of issues other than being prone to bickering that make a space like WrongPlanet more appealing, or indeed they might have everything lined up and just come here out of genuine enjoyment or habit. It’s easy to think of people who are long-standing users and also generally avoidant of conflict - many of them have posted in this thread!


Mostly correct, though it's not so much that people have a hiccup, end up here for a while, then leave when the problem resolves as it is that higher functioning people don't *need* the site as much, and tend to leave when the ratio of them on the site falls below a certain number, which I'd argue has been the case for years now. I've seen the same thing happen with in person meetup and support groups, people on opposite ends of the AS spectrum have little in common, and when the mix tilts too heavily in one direction the people with other options leave, which just accelerates the process as the group dynamic changes and becomes more and more focused on the neediest people with the most issues, many of which are not fun to deal with.

There's also the fact that it's very easy to be the big fish the small pond here, especially now with the reduced user base, the wading pool of the internet aspect of the semi-permissive moderation, and a handful of other factors that keep certain people returning, often against their better judgement.


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04 Aug 2022, 5:00 pm

I'm high-functioning but I'm still here because I'm addicted, it's easy to use, I'm familiar with so many members, and it's just a place I feel I can come to discuss my thoughts and feelings anonymously to neurodiverse people. I've signed up to another autism site because I've been involved in too many fights here lately and I should really start afresh but I suppose all forums have petty rules so whichever forum I go to I'll probably end up getting niggled by something. Best the devil you know really.


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aghogday
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05 Aug 2022, 12:06 pm


SMiLes, Regarding Potential Bickering on a Support
Site For Folks Who are Understood By Science Often
to have Challenges With Emotional Regulation, Sensory
Integration, And Cognitive Empathy As Well, What Could

Possibly Go Wrong
And Right; Yes, A Support
Site With Opportunities for

Folks to Improve With these Challenges
of Life By the Day They Reach the Level
of 'Veteran Status' Here Perhaps; i For one

Value the Support This Site Offers the less
Fortunate Ones of Us Who Haven't Already Adapted
And Are able to Fit in With the Rest of Society Easy this way...

Honestly, the only Way One Does it is through Experience; And This Site
Offers Folks Some Natural Bumps in the Highway to Balance That Occur to

Gain Adaptations to Struggles to Actually Gain Improvements in these Areas
By Being Exposed to A Wide Variety of Human Natures And Potential Social Interactions;

Do i Believe the Volunteer
Moderators Deserve A Gold
Medal For Keeping This Site
in Reasonable Tact to Achieve
This Human Potential; yes i Do,
Yes i Do Indeed; Perhaps Some folks
Are not Benefiting From It Yet For Others,

i Will Promise You This Much, it May be the
One Strand That is Keeping Them Motivated Enough

to Continue to Exist;

For Some Folks Addictions
to Bickering Helps them to Want
to Face Another Day; For Some Folks

Who Feel Very Small, They May Feel a Little Bit
Bigger By Winning What They Believe is a Debate;

For Others Of Us Who Rise to Naked, Enough, Whole,
Complete, We Are Part of the Process Yet Not Ruled by it At all...

This Internet Site Helped me Keep my Mind off the Suicide Disease
the Last Tail End of that Shut-in Living Dead Zone of my Life, in Terms
of the Last 33 Months i Lived in Hell Out of 66 Months on Earth; i Understand

The Value of This Place;

In Fact, if the Owner Ever
Needs Help Keeping it Open
For Other Folks, Contact me as Such...

One Might Be Surprised How Much in
Resources Folks Have Who Visit Here now and then...

Yet On the Other Hand, Although the Owner asked me
Once to Be A Moderator, There is No Amount of Money
One Could Pay me to Do that Job or Any Other Job as

i No Longer
Work for Pay

Or Volunteer
For Work Now;

If it Ain't Play,
i Dont Do it;

This is Play to
me, So i Continue to Do it...

i've Receive Many Pathetic Attempts
At Bullying On This Site of the 'Intellectual
Variety' of That Activity that Often Comes with
Nameless Faceless Anonymous Avatars; Yet Face-to-Face,

Never Now;

This is Part of the
Beast of the Internet;

Yet in my case, Even 'Sticks
And Stones' Tend to Bounce off me, hehe...

i Find it Both Amusing at Most And Sad at Best, Indeed...

Yet of Course, Not Everyone has actually Been to Hell And Escaped...

i Don't Expect
Anyone to have
Skin As Thick as
A Devil Who Got
His Wings Back for Real...

Other than that 'Have A Nice
Day' Yet i Am Not One To Tell
One What They HAVE TO DO, HEHE..;)


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Matrix Glitch
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05 Aug 2022, 1:19 pm

Matrix Glitch wrote:
This used to be a large forum. Now mostly only the nasties are left.

That comment I made was expressed by former WP members on another forum. People they think should have been booted ended up staying around, while others either left or were banned. Obviously there are several long time members who don't cause problems for anyone else.