Screaming (Please help)

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My son is 13, verbal, and very bright. He also screams at the drop of a hat. A piece of clean food, like an artichoke leaf, touches his pants: screaming. His sister puts her shoe up on the backseat of the car: screaming. His cat toy touches the ground: screaming. He can't get his nose to stop producing snot: screaming. He can't find his underwear: screaming. His brother doesn't capitalize something in text: screaming. We don't stop the car so he can pet a cat he spotted: you guessed it, screaming. Once he screamed for about an hour because there is dust in the atmosphere. He kept demanding that we move to the moon.

It's a good day if he only screams a little bit. On bad days there are multiple extended screaming jags. We can hardly take him anywhere. We got kicked out of Mommy and Me when he was little because of the screaming. My other kids just try to avoid it, but it's not fair to them. How can they have friends over if he's screaming? Even his grandparents can't stand it. My husband can't stand it. Have you ever come home from the hospital after giving birth and collapsed exhausted into bed, only to be woken up by screaming in the middle of the night because dad walked in on him washing--again--in the bathroom? I have.

I know he has OCD and a contamination phobia, but this goes beyond that. He'll get upset about something--say, the fact that people walk dogs outside even though this might make a cat hide--and start asking an unending torrent of questions that he already knows the answers to, like "why do people walk dogs?" and "why don't we make walking dogs illegal?" and "why are dog people allowed to vote?" and if I try to stop answering because I have literally anything else to do, like sleep or nurse the baby, he starts screaming uncontrollably.

I feel like I have tried everything. Discipline is meaningless. Either he doesn't care about consequences and they don't affect him at all, or he does care and screams louder. Talking to him has gotten him to agree a hundred times not to scream anymore, which as you can see has not worked. He signed an agreement to obey the no screaming except in emergencies rule: zip. I've recently begun trying to do daily meditation with him to help him focus on his feelings and get better at calming down, but that hasn't worked yet. (We'll see.)

He's a good kid at heart! I love him to pieces and I don't think he's trying to drive us crazy, but the screaming/losing control when he's upset is really the single biggest thing that stands between him and being able to live a good life (well, that and the massive anxiety and possibly anger that are fueling the screaming).

Does anyone have any idea how to help him (and, by extension, us)? I really appreciate any ideas. Thank you.

Hi Pteranomom,

I really don't know what to suggest, but I didn't want you to feel unheard.

Does he have ADHD (problems with impulse control) which could maybe be addressed?
Is it more of an anger scream, a fear / stress scream, or a cry for help scream?

My kids didn't scream like that, or not exactly, but they both had (have) meltdowns which could be unpredictable and extremely stressful for me at times. I know that feeling of utter frustration that you're likely feeling.

I wish I knew what to say but please keep writing if it helps.

Thank you, Isabella.
The screams are a combination of distress (food touched him) and anger (I won't get him a cat because his brother is allergic). The anger saddens me because I'm not trying to be mean to him.

Screaming can be a result of physical pain. It can also be the result of frustration or emotional pain. However, it can be seen as an effective use of force to get attention or otherwise manipulate others.

You might make a bit of a theatrical response such as have him sit alone on a chair in his room until his screaming stops. He needs to learn to control himself.

There are children who learn that they can get what they want by making themselves unpleasant. This will not be an advantage as they get older.