Revisiting the speed dating subject

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It honestly doesn't surprise me.

Young women in your age range are known for being quite picky, especially the prettier they are. If you've ever seen a young woman use Tinder before, it's mostly no no no no no no with the occasional yes, while for men it's the opposite haha.

But there is a way to get better and in order for that to happen, you have to understand how the attraction process works.

The way someone determines whether or not you're dating material is a two step process and is often sub-conscious. First, your physical appearance will be evaluated, and in order to be even considered dating material by the person, you have to meet their minimum attraction threshold. If someone finds you physically unattractive, you'll likely never be considered a romantic/sexual option. But assuming, you do meet someone's physical attraction threshold, then your personality, behavior, non-physical qualities will then be taken into consideration. And it's possible that someone finds you initially attractive, but your behavior winds up turning them off.


With that said, your goal is to first try to looksmax (the process of improving your physical appearance) as much as possible because by doing that, a higher percentage of women will find you attractive. If you can go from a 3 to a 6 for instance, that will make HUGE improvements to the number of women who find you attractive, thus dating will be easier. Losing weight, dressing better, getting a good haircut, going to the gym, are all great ways for men to become better looking.

Secondly, working on your physical appearance isn't enough. You need to work on portraying yourself better, and coming off as more confident and competent in social settings, so you're not scaring the women off who initially found you attractive. This is why your behavior is also important. My suggestion is to get a friend, or parents, and video tape yourself having a "mock date" with one of them, so you can evaluate the footage and see if you're doing something (that you didn't previously notice) that might be turning women off.

Just remember, you're not going to convince a woman who physically see's you as a 1 to sleep with you, no matter how good your social skills are. The goal is to take the women who initially saw you as attractive, and don't completely f**k it up with poor behavior or social skills.

And i'm going to give you an example.

There was this show called Love On The Spectrum which follows people with autism as they attempt to date and navigate the dating world. On the show, there was this woman called Kaelynn who was a white and fairly attractive autistic women, who went to speed dating event.

There were 5 guys there who Kaelynn talked to; two were skinny average height average looking white guys, two were black, and the final guy was a 6 ft broad shouldered white guy who was fairly masculine looking. On their date with Kaelynn, most of them behaved fairly normally and acted around the same.

Who did Kaelynn choose at the end? You guessed it, the 6 ft tall broad shouldered white guy.

What i'm trying to say is that yes, women care about looks. Before you even open your mouth, a woman has oftentimes already determined whether or not she wants to see you again. If a woman finds you ugly, you're not changing her mind. If a woman finds you attractive from the get-go especially really attractive, you can get away with a lot more.

I hope the karaoke goes well.

I'm not a six-foot broad-shouldered guy----I'm below-average height and average looking. Yet I've done okay.

For all we know, the Chicago Sports Guy could be a six-foot, broad-shouldered guy.

Maybe. I knew this one autistic man who was tall and broad shouldered, but he was this giant nerd and facially not super attractive. He did date in high school though, and out of 16 autistic men in that school, he was the only one that ever dated. It helps that he went for a girl who was super nerdy herself and also fairly average looking. If he went after some hot 8/10 future sorority girl, he'd have been shot down. But maybe the fact that he was a tall broad shouldered guy was one reason why he was successful in finding a girlfriend.



I've never been good looking (at least post puberty) but I have known several autistic men who were considered attractive. Usually good looking autistic guys have women that are initially interested in them, but their shyness, awkwardness, or poor social skills, turns off most of these women. However, women who are overly forward and dominant, may not mind making the first move on men they find attractive, so many good looking autistic guys wind up with women who made the first move for this reason.


On the other hand, ugly autistic men have two barriers preventing them from being successful. Unlike good looking guys, ugly guys will have a difficult time finding women who are initially interested in them on looks alone, so they have to rely on their charm, charisma, and personality to win women over to compensate for their below average looks. The problem is that autistic men, because of their social disability, have a particularly hard time with being charming and social, which means that ugly autistic men have a harder time making up for their lack of looks, compared to someone like Steve Harvey who is below average looking but is super funny and charming. What does this mean? Ugly autistic men oftentimes wind up being virgins, or at least chronically single for long periods of time, simply because they lack the much needed social intelligence to compensate for their below average looking appearance. While good looking autists can get away with mediocre social abilities much easier, homely looking disabled individuals don't have this luxury, hence why ugly men on the spectrum are much more likely to struggle.

There's this one guy by the name of Skippy, who you may have heard of. He's famous for being a 40 year old virgin and having appeared on television, at the time being 34 for still being single and never having sex.

Skippy is this overweight, below average looking guy. What's the big deal? Plenty of below average looking guys go on to have normal dating and sex lives. The problem is that Skippy is also autistic and a bit weird and cringe worthy, but the reason he's so weird and cringe worthy is likely because his autism impairs his ability to understand what to do in social situations. Despite being a 34 year old man, he has the social intelligence of a typical 13 year old and when combined with his below average looks, this is why he's 40 and still a virgin. His autism probably impacts him greater than a lot of people.


Assuming Skippy had the same personality, but instead of being a super overweight man, he was a 21 year old 7/10 woman, he'd have gotten laid within a month.

This dead horse has been beaten too many times, but let's try this again:

If you are, or think you are, an unattractive man:

1. Lose weight, or if you are skinny, eat better and put on some weight.
2. Get a nice haircut.
3. If need be, see a dermatologist.
4. Be clean and well groomed.
5. Wear clean, well fitting, and mature clothing.
6. Work out.

If you do 1-6, you might just find you are a presentable looking man after all. At worst, you are the best looking man you can be.

From there:

A. Get the best job you can and do it well.
B. Save your money. Don't incur debt, pay off debt you have, and don't spend on frivolous things.
C. If you get to where you can afford to buy a car and live on you own, do it.
D. No porn.
E. Put away childish things.

If you do A-E, woman will be much more likely to take in interest in you. Much more.

Yes you need to pay attention to your physical appearance because being better looking will make dating easier.

The majority of men under 35 can become at least a 5 on the 1-10 looks scale. Depending on your genetics, you may never be a 7+ but most young guys can become at least average looking with a gym membership, better haircut, and decent diet.


I don’t have great genetics for being good looking, but I work out a lot and watch what I eat so I’m probably a 4 or 5. But someone with better genetics than me, a good lifestyle and style might take them from a 4 to a 7.

I had as much attention from women when I didn’t work out as when I was doing marathons.

I don’t believe “going to the gym” is quite the panacea it’s made out to be.

We don’t know the OP nor do we know what he looks like, so we can’t identify his issue with women and give him advice based on that.

If OP were 100 pounds overweight, that’s probably a problem that needs to be addressed.

If OP came off as awkward or a rude a hole, then I’d tell him that as well.

If OP looked like a slob, I’d tell him to improve his style and haircut.

If OP was just straight up ugly and it’s not fixable, I’d tell him to stick with women closer to his league. Either that or make boat loads of money.


If I find don’t find anything that stands out that would hurt his chances, then I’d say that it’s simply not his time yet and he’ll find someone soon.

Avoid discussing politics.

Good advice for life in general, given the current state of the country, whatever country it is.

If OP were going for girls that looked like this.




While looking like this.




Then yeah, he's probably going to get rejected. In that case, I would tell him that he either needs to stick to women closer to his league, or try to become better looking and more appealable to the opposite sex. That means losing some weight, getting a better diet, ditching the fedora, etc...

Really attractive women like that, aren't going to go for some unattractive nerd with zero social skills, they just arne't. Either adapt and try learn social skills/become more attractive, go for women closer to your level, or accept that you will probably be single for a long long time.

Those girls look pretty young.....

And most decent women don't look like that.

This thread has become incredibly cringey.

The OP said that he picked all 4 women that he talked to.

I don’t think he’s solely setting his eyes on 18 year olds in short shorts and belly shirts, not that there’s anything wrong with women who dress like that.

Personality is important. This is not just about looks.

Perhaps OP needs to work on how he presents himself or perhaps this was just bad luck.

If I were OP, I’d probably avoid telling people I was autistic during an initial encounter.

I’m seeing a lot of mansplaining about what women want and stereotyping based on gender, especially regarding specific demographics of women, in this thread, and it’s just unnecessary.

As a young 20 something who was reasonably attractive, I liked “nerds.” The first guy I dated was a morbidly obese nerd. I was turned off by guys who were solely invested in their physical appearance. I was also turned off by guys who only cared about my physical appearance, so it worked both ways.

With that being said, if a person has a positive attitude and life goals (whether it’s fitness, education, a new career path, etc.), that will go a long way in increasing his chances.

Maybe most 40 year old women don't look like that, but there's a ton of hot 21 year olds walking around campus. In fact, I walk down a college campus and find at least 50% of the women attractive, so yeah there's lots of pretty girls at that age.

It's really not that hard to be attractive in your early to mid twenties. It's fairly easy to be fit since you have peak hormones working in your favor and your metabolism hasn't began to decline yet.

I work in a college. A college with about 9,000 students, most of whom are 18-22 years old.

Most women in college don't look like that, or dress like that.

To me, they look like high school students, to be honest.

And it just so happens that there are many attractive 40-year-olds.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 10 Aug 2022, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.